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Saving Rosalie (part 1)

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defineinsane

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:31 pm
Sleet, man is it hard to see. Driving through sleet is one thing but driving through it in the dark. That is no fun. The court orders laid on Jared’s lap. They stated that I got to go and bring home my little sister.
The short 45 minute drive seemed like hours were passing. I had brought my wallet with me just incase I would need it. We were almost there when I started tensing up. Jared could tell.
“Relax Mariska. She will be home with you very soon.”
“I know its just that is has been so long since she has actually lived with us.”
We pulled up by the curb of the house. I could only see a few lights on. Jared and I went up the side walk to that horrible house that has been keeping my little sister captive for years. I looked over my shoulder to see Jared’s family getting out of their car. Jared had said that he had just asked, his dad, Raul to come since he was a doctor. But everyone had over heard and said that they were coming along too. When I knocked on the door everyone braced themselves for the unknown. The door started to open, it was Bonny.
“Hello Bonny.” I said with disgust. “I have court orders stating that Rosalie is to come home with me and…” Bonny had slammed the door in my face. “Well she asked for it.” I sighed.
I knew their house from my days living there. Even though I wasn’t even related to them. The screen door was on the inside and that was the door they always locked. I opened up the front door and sure enough, the screen door was locked. Their front porch was big enough for me to take a few steps back without falling. I took one bound before leaping up in the air and kicking the door with my right foot. It made a satisfied crack but that wasn’t enough to break it.
“Um… Mariska, dear. I don’t think that is the safest thing to do…” Jared said looking at the cracked door.
“It’s better than punching though.” I said cheerfully.
The noise had freaked out Josh and Bonny. Josh was Rosalie’s father, I didn’t hate him as much as I hated Bonny who was Josh’s wife. They were putting Kaylee and Clara in the basement downstairs. I repeated my action on the door again. The screen door creaked and half of it fell off.
“All those lessons of karate really paid off.” I smiled widely.
“Are you okay?” Jared asked coming up from behind me.
“Perfect. Now let’s go get Rosalie!” I pounced forward.
“That is called breaking an entry! You will have to pay for that damage!” Bonny screamed.
“No actually I won’t since you have ignored the court orders.” I had no clue if this was true or not but it sounded good enough for me. “In fact I have permission to beat you until I find my sister. If I find Rose harmed… Well let’s just say that you don’t want to know.” I threatened, figuring one more lie wouldn’t hurt that much.
I had to make myself breath and plant my feet firmly on the ground, so that I would go and run around like a maniac… Yet…
“Ok Bonny, I am asking nicely now. Where is Rosalie?”
“Like I would tell you!” Bonny spat.
So much for being nice. “Well then guys, can you please hold those two down?” I asked Jared’s brother and sister, Kyle and Amy.
“Of course.” Kyle said looking down on Josh.
“Come with me please.” I said tugging on Jared’s arm.
Together we walked up the dumb brown stairs.
“Rosalie it’s me your sister Mariska! It’s okay; I am here to bring you home!” I shouted, secretly wanting Rose to jump put at me, perfectly fine. As we finished the last few steps I heard a muffled cry. “Rose where are you!” I cried. I felt the tears rolling down my check but I didn’t’ wipe them away. I ran from room to room tearing down everything. Jared checked in the spots I completely ignore like the cabinets in the bathroom and the linen closest. I stopped short in front of the master bedroom. There was no way that they put her in there… Or did they? I opened up the door.
“Rose are you in here?”
Rose repeated her muffled cry. Jared and I tore apart every little thing. The last place was the closet.
“Rosalie can you please make that noise again?” My hand was half way extended towards the closet door.
“Mmph.”
Jared beat me in wrenching the door open. I couldn’t feel my legs when they buckled underneath me. My hands flew out before I could crush her. She looked so horrible that a murderous rage flamed through out my body. Her beautiful blonde hair was matted and oily. Her whole face seemed to be sunken in. Worst of all. Where her shirt wasn’t covering I could count every bone. I took the gag off her mouth watching her take in a stuttering breath. I slowly rose up with her in my arms, making sure I had a nice soft but firm grip. Before moving I made sure my knees were strong enough to carry me down the stairs. If Jared said anything I didn’t hear. Wincing at how light she was for a 12-year-old I made my way down to the main level. The love-seat was the only medium sized seat that wasn’t “busy” with our “captives.” There were no blankets around so I settled for taking off my parka to put over her.
“Raul, can you please come over here and make sure that she is okay while I take care of my business?” My voice was deadly calm when I turned my head from my sisters limp form.
“Of course…” Raul said cautiously.
“Amy did you…?” She stopped me midsentence.
“Yes, we called the cops when we heard you scream.”
Huh? I don’t remember screaming… But that wasn’t what was important right now.
“Thank you,” I said looking at Rosalie’s dad and Bonny.
The rage was still flowing through my body when I took the first step towards them. Bonny cringed into Josh’s side. I couldn’t help but laugh after all she did think of me as the devil’s child. I knew Jared was trying to discourage me from what I was about to do but I was to out of it to understand.
“So Bonny, any last words?” my fists were curling in and out.
She swallowed loudly. “Why would I need them when I am in no danger?”
“I guess you didn’t see me break down a door now have you. I’m ten times faster and stronger than you. You and nobody else can stop me…” I lunged forward knocking her to the ground. “Before I leave you on the verge of passing out, tell me why you did this to my Rose. Now would be nice.”
“I didn’t do anything. She wouldn’t eat or anything.” Her eyes were straying and starting to stare intently at something or someone. Her head moved the tiniest bit and I knew what was happening. Josh was coming up behind me and I had to do something about it.
My right fist lashed out and hit Bonny’s jaw, while my left elbow went behind me and hit Josh in the gut. With Bonny unconscious I got to my feet and shoved Josh into the nearby wall.
“So would you enjoy telling me why she is like that?”
“Who?”Josh said trying to maintain his own.
“Don’t you be smart with me!” I slapped him across the face. The sirens were getting closer. I was almost out of time.
“Fine you stupid beast. I will tell you. Rosalie was a mistake! Nothing more nothing less.” He sneered.
“I could care less of what you call me but Rose was and is no mistake.” I grabbed what little hair of his I could and smashed his head into the wall. He dropped down to his knees but was still conscious, much to my concern. “Need more huh?” I reached over and pinched a nerve. Josh fell to the ground unconscious.
Kyle and Amy were looking at me like I was a completely different person.
“What?” I looked from both of them to the door again, and again.
“Nothing…”Amy murmured looking at the two unconscious people.
The cop cars pulled up next to our cars and came rushing over. The first one through the door looked around at the now crowded living area before crossing over the broken door.
“What’s going on?” his name tag said he was George.
“Well… George, lets just say that my sister was abused, I came to get her and these two,” I pointed to Bonny and Josh, “wouldn’t comply with the court orders so I sorta lost it with her and then it turned into self defense with him. That basically sums it all up” I said walking over to where he was.
“Where’s your sister?” George asked.
“She’s with me. I am a certified doctor, so if you don’t mind, why don’t you call an ambulance like you are expose too.” Raul spoke up from across the room.
“I would like your information; actually I want everyone’s info. So while I am getting there info, why don’t you guys take a look around and put those two in the car.” George spoke to his colleges.
His colleges started doing as they were told, yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell him our info.
“Fine go ahead. It’s not like we are the ones who beat on 12 year-olds. We are just the people who look after those 12 year-olds when the bad guys make a mistake.” I had no idea why I couldn’t be nice to cops. Maybe it was because of all the things they did to my family in the past or maybe it was because I ran out of all my patience…
“I need to do that, because it’s part of my job… What is your name?” George looked at me annoyed.
“It’s Mariska.”
“Last name?”
“Why the hell should I tell you? After all, you are not completing your job. My sister is still here when an ambulance should have been here when you pulled up” my voice was stronger than I felt.
“Please no language…” George started to say before I cut him off.
“What? Did I say hell? Oh well. It’s a free country.”
“Mariska… Please just give him your name so that we can take Rose to the hospital.” Jared said gently.
“Fine, I will use the last ounce of my patience with a cop.” I gave him everyone’s info because I knew them all by heart.
“Thank you Mariska for cooperating. You may go to the hospital now, with a cop car following you” George said relieved that the argument had stopped.
“Mommy!” a small whisper came from behind me.
I turned around to find Rosalie looking around for who she had heard earlier. I ran towards her even though it was only a few steps. Oh how fragile she looked! Laying there on the brown leather sofa, with Raul crouching next to her.
“No Rose not yet, but it’s me your sis” I smoothed her hair back from her forehead. Her forehead scorched under my hand.
“Mar Mar…” a faint smile came to her lips in saying my old nickname.
“Yeah it’s me. Are you ready to go see mommy?” I knew the answer without a doubt. All Rose did was nod a weak yes.
“Mariska we should go now, she has a very high fever, and is suffering from dehydration and starvation” Raul spoke so low that nobody but me could hear.
“Yes of course. Can you please ask Jared if he could rearrange the back seat for me. Since it looks like these fools have once again forgotten their main job. To protect citizens!” I directed the end of my statement towards George.
“No need to tell me, I over heard my name so I figured what you would mostly want right now. I will be right back” Jared spoke swiftly so he could get to my blue Celica.
“Thank you…” I whispered picking Rose up gently but quickly so that she could be in my arms.
“Wait! Don’t go! The ambulance is on its way!” George spoke so loud that Rose cringed into to me.
“Will you shush! Don’t you see your scaring her! Well it’s too late for that I am already with a doctor, like you said before you can have a cop car behind us but no more. It is not required to ride in the ambulance.” I unconsciously lowered my voice as if I spoke to loud Rose would cringe the wrong way and fall.
“I think Jared finished…” Raul said gesturing towards my little car. If only it didn’t have two doors!!
“Do you have water Raul, in your car? I don’t think I have anything…” My voice trailed off trying to remember if I had brought my water bottle or not.
“I probably do. Let me check real quick” Raul said stepping over the chunk of the door that broke and fell off.
What was mom going to say when she came back home from her date to find a note from her eldest saying ‘Don’t freak, I will be home soon! Love you! XOXO ~Mariska! Even if she did freak, it would be worth it. I’m bringing Rose home! After three long years of only maybe a phone call here and there, it will be like heaven! Of course that will probably go down the drain when I tell her everything. I couldn’t keep anything from her, without feeling like crap until I spit it out. Even then she never seemed to get mad at me. A feeling of despair washed through me at the thought of how little we ever saw Rose. If I missed mom after a few hours… Maybe she felt a little less attached to her than I did because she was not with us often. No. That can’t be true. Her first word when she woke up was Mommy. She still remembers the good days. Even then those were tainted with despair…
I can’t keep thinking of this! I have to think of something else before I go insane… This is where four doors come in handy. Of course you had to have a cute little two door instead Mariska! Oh well… I will just have to deal with handing my keys over to Jared. I sighed inwardly.
“Thank you Jared, the keys are in the front.”
“Your not driving?” he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Of course not, I am going to watch over Rose” I half protested.
“Okay. Here let me help you get her in” Jared said reaching for Rose.
“Be gentle” I whispered even though there was no need to.
Jared could be no gentler, than he was with Rose. I had trouble keeping in the laughter that wanted to explode from me. This day had been too much for me. Never in my life had I imagined being the one who not only brought home my little sister but was the one who took the first steps in bringing my family together. The first steps where shaky but as I progressed in the court, they grew stronger, more confident. Now here I stand my sister’s partial savior. I had many thanks to say, but for now… they can wait.  
PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:01 am
It's pretty good! I am really wondering why Josh and Bonny wouldn't have hurt Mariska sooner, and how she was able to beat them up so easily. Other than that, I'm curious about what happened to their family. I wonder why they're so broken…and why they've ever been with Josh and Bonny if they aren't their parents. Write more!  

The-Writer-Is-In


defineinsane

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:19 am
Um... I'm not sure. I sorta was picturing them as not so smart people. Mariska is (in my mind) portrayed as someone who is pretty hostile towards the people whom have done her family wrong so to speak. Yeah... I don't know how I am going to slide that in my story yet... I will...  
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 3:56 pm
It was... shaky. Your sentanceing, spelling, and development wasn't very good. The beginning was jerky. Once they found Rose, it flowed a little better, but then it got jerky again...

I like how you put her thoughts/feelings into it toward the end. You should do that throughout the entire piece.
In the car: "Finally, I can save her. I WILL save her."
Breaking down the down: "Nothing will stand in my way." (Give that part more anger, more force; it's weak.)
Searching the house: "My heart sped, thumping hard like my feet. Swinging open doors, crashing through the room..."
Finding her: "Rose, Rose... You're safe, it's okay, you're safe..."
Beating up the people part was a bit ruff. There was no heat, just cool hate, nothing that says "i hate you".
When talking to the cops: Having her be impaitent is good, but do it with more flare. "What does it matter?! She's safe! I'm her sister!"
More FEELING, less TELLING.  

DreamingRoses1224

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