A Perfect Circle Moment

[-PrimaCzarina-]

A Perfect Circle Moment
(be gentle...)

His eyes twinkled
like Betelgeuse and Rigel
Watching above us
like my cellular phone
Chirping incessantly at me
like the lovely blue jays
Nestled in near by trees
like colorful autumn leaves
Falling slowly around us
like a crinkling rain
Keeping us silent company
like loyal friends
While we break curfew
like forbidden lovers
For one last kiss.  

[Kindless]

Your work is very sweet, not many poems I read come across as that, but this one totally has that cutness about it.  

[Stelle Cadenti]

I have to agree with Bounds, it's so sweet!

 

[Pale Vermillion]

I fully agree with SemiSuicidal. Punctuation would help.  

[-PrimaCzarina-]

Thanks for the praise. ^-^

On punctuation: I've tried it with. Everytime I add commas and what not it seems like the flow gets disturbed.
Any suggestions on how to add punctuation? I know it needs it, I just can't seem to make it work for me.  

[Rainbow cat FACE]

the cell phone part reminded me of owl city =3

it's so pretty and happy.  

[ash_nite1]

i agree with pretty much everyone whose posted, your poem has a bit of an innocence to it if that makes sense, so many poems today are written around sorrow and anger(which is good too), but your style is a nice change