Capture

[wonshikkies]

~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot say that I was ready for this
But when worlds collide...
And all that I have is all I want
The words seem to flow
and the thoughts keep running
All that I have is yours
All that I am is yours
Painted Skies...
I've seen many that cannot compare
to your ocean eyes...
The pictures you took
that covered your room
It was just like the sun
but more like the moon
So when you say forever, can't you see?
You've already captured me
~~~~~~~~~~~

Please in your honest opinion, tell me what you think of the poem I wrote last year. It was a poem for my only one and true beloved. May that person be blessed out there in good hopes and all.

 

[Stelle Cadenti]

I like the poem in itself, but the rhyming was- wierd. It didn't start having a rhyme scheme until half way through, and even then it wasn't consistant. I think the poem would sound better if it did have a concrete rhyming scheme, or none at all.  

[wonshikkies]

Stelle Cadenti

I like the poem in itself, but the rhyming was- wierd. It didn't start having a rhyme scheme until half way through, and even then it wasn't consistant. I think the poem would sound better if it did have a concrete rhyming scheme, or none at all.

Hm~ Interesting critique. I know I should have done a concrete rhyming scheme and it's either that or no rhyming scheme at all. I just thought of something when I was thinking of so many things at a time. But many thank yous for the honest critique.