An Empty Vessel (under construction)(open for posting)

[Adalyna]

Ok, so its about time I started describing my path, which is kind of an un-path. I'm at a point in my life, where I'm rethinking my beliefs, and why I believe them. I wanted to post a before and after to have a little recording of how I evolve, through reading, learning, experience, and growth, the same way I had one with my transition. But I decided to just make another blog, since everyone else has only used one of these and I don't wanna wait till I've "completed" my journey to open this up for posting, since people's questions, suggested reading material, and ideas, will help me grow. So I decided to just make another blog and edit things as I change how I feel and grow and develop as a spiritual person.  

[Adalyna]

Cosmology

Cosmology and Beliefs


Know thyself
Psychologically I have a frustrating bias towards nature over nurture that I'm trying to cure myself of to be more objective. I am a staunch individualist, and I see beauty in the fact that everyone is freaking different. This is why I can't stand paths that boast having empirically discovered the "right" way to do things.

I've been interested in Crowley for a while back in the day when I wanted to learn about magic so badly, he was the only occultist I knew about and even though I didn't really understand his cryptic words, I felt like they meant something. I haven't had the time to really delve into book 4 yet, but I'm fairly sure having read part of the book of the law, that I understand what Crowley meant by "will" and by the line "do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" I find this to be flawed in many ways, as In spite of his claims that knowing one's true will will subsidize any desire for criminal activity. I'm a bit cynical about that. I believe many a rapist will be perfectly happy accepting the consequences of his actions and following them with reckless abandon, and I still find it immoral. The same for the serial killer and anyone who spreads hate.

Hexatheistic? is that even a word?

So far there are six gods, there may be more, I believe the earth itself is a separate deity from my lady of the moon, and yet I struggle to find its counterpart, and this calls the whole system into question, I'll get into dichotomy next.

Deity
Moon Goddess and Horned God
My feelings on these gods are very closely aligned with much of the neo-pagan movement. I love them dearly and I do not expect to cajole them to be "good" I do not believe denizens of the spirit world have the same power to contradict their lesser nature as we humans in the material plane are blessed with
The horned god is a dancer and a player of pipes, he is hunted yet he is also a predator. He is the god of the sun and can be very nurturing in his power. He is in the warm golden glow of fertile leaves in the bright light of the mid day sun. He like pan, chases women, but also chases himself. I believe the wild gods of fertility and the hunt, are also self love, and are also homosexual love.

Moon goddess is a little more mysterious. I used to wonder what fertility and magic had to do with one another and then I walked outside in the night and realized, that the eldest boughs of really old, old trees, knew more magic than I can ever dream of. I think this is why she is attributed to having a crone aspect, but in that wizened state she still looks at the world with all the maiden's wonder. I don't really feel comfortable dividing my life as a woman into these three arbitrary distinction, as I've only gotten to experience the joys of BEING a woman for about two years so far, and I'm 25 years old. Her triple aspect is more "three at once" and her waxing and waning is more cyclical. She menstruates, and is a fertility goddess, so this shouldn't be so surprising.
These gods created life together, but not the universe itself.

All and Void.
The God of everything at once and the Goddess of nothing at all. Void wishes so badly, to be an individual, that she must divide herself into as many forms as possible. She is nothingness, entropy and dissolve, he is synchronicity, in the broadest aspect possible. He wishes to become all things and wishes to make everything be a part of him. He is gluttonous and greedy and jealous, but also kind and loving.

I do not particularly worship these gods but I feel I can invoke void when I need to erase or destroy something and I can invoke all when I need to bind something or glue something together. I don't generally however, need to do this.

These gods created the universe by blending a single atom which was everything, with the lack of anything that was around it. Scientists who believe in this theory refer to it as the "big bang" icon_razz.gif

I know this isn't entirely PC that I see a female aspect in void and a male one in all. He tends to be fatherly in his better qualities, and these deities are not so evil. I do not mean this to imply that women are inherently destructive, simply that void is destructive in her own way. Void is an individual, she is rather staunch about it, and in spite of his efforts not to be, so is all.

Good and Evil
I believe these things exist. I believe there is an empirical difference between the two, and I believe they are manifest deities in the world. I tend to want to be a good person, but goodness gone too far can become subservience, and self abnegation. I'm empathetic and kind but I'm also indulgent. I do not wish to embrace turning the other cheek, and I do not feel I need to do so to be a person of morals.

Animism!

Animism and my faith are inseparable. The gods are spirits, and they are Fairies. I'll get into fairies later. I believe the spirit world is more poetic and subjective than the material world we see. My lady of the moon is less the cold frozen rock in the sky, and more the light that comes from it. In science we see this light as being a mere reflection of the sun, but in religion I see this as a whole separate spiritual presence. That light is not to subjugate itself to the light of the sun. Shadows are not just the absence of light, each one has its own personality. The plaster in the wall next to me has much more to say to me than the paint that sits on it. I know I am starting to sound a bit schizophrenic.

Dichotomy
I see the entire universe as being composed of push pull and action reaction. This is expressed to the point of a superstitious dislike of odd numbers higher than one. the number 7 lacks balance unless it is treated for me as six-and-one. I again, know I'm starting to sound a little crazy. I may have the embryonic stages of my own numerological system. This is why there are so far only six deities in my religion. Each one needs to have a counterpart that is its exact opposite. If there is a Gaia it must have some manner of counterpart that is entirely un earth like, and opposite in every way, some kind of alien world.Saying this makes me wonder if I'm on to something, I need to get into fairies and my faith and why the word fairy is so damn important to me.


I hope I don't sound dogmatic, I get really intense when I talk about this stuff, but I did express just how much I hate "one true path" paths. Suffice it to say there is a lot of passion and excitement behind this for me.  

[Adalyna]

Morality and Philosophy

I don't have a religious context to place all of this behind yet, but here are some ideals I hold near and dear to me.

Justice: I don't always know right from wrong but I do believe there is in some way, an empirical justice. Rape and Murder are not justified, for example. There are times when people need to defend themselves, but even then, is it rightly called murder if it was the only possible option a person had to defend themselves? I don't know where the lines should be drawn exactly, but Its an ideal i strive to figure out. For example, sometimes, I believe, the horned god's whispers come in the wrong time and the wrong place, and it isn't because he is evil, it's because he is who he is. To me part of the joy of being human and alive and in the material world is being able to go against our lesser natures and police our own, and make good decisions.

Empathy: Less to do with charity and more to do with considering the feelings of others. I have, by nature a giving personality, but sometimes I feel this leads me to be taken advantage of and wishy washy. I believe its important to care about others and consider their feelings, but I don't believe in mindless martyrdom towards no end.

Identity: This does have a religious context. Between void and her counterpart I believe the material world is formed. I believe that if we let ourselves flow into trying to be too many things at once, or break ourselves down to nothingness, we lose our meaning. I believe certain symbols and imagery jump out at us, while others do not, because they are a part of who we are. Being objective about things is great, but I also place value in the uniqueness of each of our experiences. I see beauty in the fact that my path is not for everyone.

Self Empowerment. I'm lazy and I'm a slob. I'm being honest here, but I don't feel these things are justified. These personal weaknesses are things I need to overcome and become self reliant, but I'm not there yet.

Honesty and Integrity: I hate breaking promises, and my family thinks that I'm afraid of making commitments because I told them I'm not making promises anymore right now. It's not that I don't want to make commitments but that I want to be the kind of person who's word is as good as an unbreakable spell. If I'm not going to do something, I'm sick of making empty promises saying I will, I feel I should at least own up to my laziness and inability to commit. so I refuse to make promises I cannot keep.

I have other ideals I'm still trying to figure out how to articulate.  

[Adalyna]

Magic

It's difficult to articulate all, or even any of the reasons why magic is important to me. For one I feel that through using some systems of magic, I connect with the natural world, and with all things around me. I know not all systems of magic involve elemental symbolism or natural cycles or correspondences of this nature, but these are the ones I feel most connected to.

I feel I need to reflect heavily on symbolism and correspondence and what it means to me, and while i might experiment with something in a book, to practice and learn, I find more meaning in ritual that comes from me.

I do feel that the moon goddess is related to magic. I see the knowledge of magic in her rays of light, and in the oldest growth around me. I know trees don't have brains and have physical consciousness, but I feel hidden in their silent branches and trunks are all the secrets of the universe that feel so impossible to reach from a human perspective. So I guess I'm a dirt worshiping neo-pagan.

There are other things I can't quite articulate. I want to connect with higher reality, I want to access parts of my mind I normally leave dormant. I want to draw down the spirit world and connect to it.

There are systems of magic that have nothing to do with any of this i know, and probably more than any that do, and Even so I still want to learn more about them, and so all my reasons for wanting to learn more about witchcraft and magic are hard to articulate and put down on here.  

[Adalyna]

Otherlings and other things.

Animism plays a huge role in my faith. On equal footing with diety worship sometimes... well no I think it would be more exact to say that I don't make as big of a distinction between gods and other animistic spirits, save that I believe gods can have their own realm, on the other hand who's to say a water-spirit can't create a realm of her or his own, by interacting with the inanimate essence of water. I believe in two kinds of explanations for occult apparitions, one is people, or other things who died here, and left a part of themselves behind. Another is caused by visitors from one or many other worlds. The aspect of other worlds for me, is important to my faith, as I now realize that tastes, smells sounds and textures, and other abstract concepts exist in the abstract worlds, the worlds which i believe, are beyond the membrane of the collective unconscious and in the realm of things that simply are

I also need to relate that spirits can be more than one kind of essence without being everything at once. I have a tendency to anthropomorphize (sp?) spirits, but this is because I feel, the human spirit needs an ambassador to speak to the spirit of water, and I also believe that a spirit can be tree and rock at once, or water and grass. Their not pokemon, they don't just "evolve" into complex shapes, the process I think is actually very reflective of physical world transformations. Carnivorous spirits eat and absorb other spirits and change, and this is a bloody, messy process just like in the physical world. When I die my identity will not be ground into a fine pouder, but i'll be hunted, and eaten, i may merge with other spirits in other ways, but there is a physical essence to actions just as well as solid things. Free will is not as powerful in the spirit worlds, In physical life, as human beings we have the joy of being able to act outside our nature, and do the right thing even when it's within our personal nature to do otherwise.

Fate happens as a sort of movement. Everything in the real world happens as a result of a combination of physical law, free will, and the peculiar course of whatever takes place within the spirit world. Using magic to invoke the spirits helps goad the other two forces at work to agree with the third. Or so I believe. I Don't need to cajole or force spirits to do things for me, I simply need to find spirits, of whom it is within their nature to do something anyway, so that I may simply share an experience with them. I ask them only to be themselves, and gratitude comes in the form of appreciating the nature of the spirit.

I apologize if this gets a little disorganized surprised I'm re writing this stuff as it comes to me.  

[Adalyna]

Holidays.
Autumn and Spring Equinox. Partly because there is a secular observation of these days and I don't think their really owned by anyone. It also relates to cycles of death and rebirth, and of the weakening of borders between certain worlds. Finally there is an aspect related to deity worship that I have begun to include that I haven't chosen to include here yet.  

[Adalyna]

Deconstructing "fairy" and what it means to me:
I've been trying to tear down this word and why I'm so fixated on it, and so some of the reading I've been doing has been dedicated to specifically that.

The Fairy Faith in Celtic countries http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/ffcc/index.htm I know that these traditions are closed traditions. I read this to try to define exactly what a "Fairy Faith" is. Does it in and of itself imply entitlement to a closed tradition? Could i never find the answers I was seeking? I read this with an honest intention of giving these cultures a wide berth. I want to build something that is my own not steal from others. Oddly in doing this i gained some insight into how i wouldn't be able to come close to understanding these traditions with just a surface scratch. I do admit that I like these cultures, and I would like to learn more about them in a way that is respectful and appropriate.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/pag/aradia/index.htm Aradia the Gospel of the Witches. Some people say leland forged this, so whatever, It was someting I read out of curiosity mainly. There apparently is some association attributed to witches in regards to fairies, I don't know what my stance on this is exactly though.

I lied when I said that I don't care about the word itself. I've realized just how much power words can have. I still don't know what the boundaries are, and it feels like only closed traditions use this word in a religious context with any meaning. At any rate I was at least able to pick apart some of what it was I was seeking.

Traditions, ideas, and beliefs involving other worlds intersecting with ours.
Animistic traditions involving communion with the natural world.
Magic integrated with religion
Traditions with rich storytelling and folklore
I have no tradition to stand on, and so no stories that have been passed down, but people have been telling stories for years. I'm not of the opinion that something needs to have been written in a religious context to inspire belief or just inspire, but I will say that ideas need to be melted down and re-forged to truly make them your own wherever they come from.

Other stuff I've been reading that was path relevant:
The Spiral Dance: Starhawk. Put religious witchcraft in a more modern context, although I'm less interested in soft polytheism.

I skimmed part of http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/sft/index.htm The Science of Fairy tales, mostly the conclusion,
and I bought a copy of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales, to try to give myself an idea of the context of the stories of the time, although I feel more connected to modern ideals than ideals when these were written. Lately I've been interested in Hedgewitchery or Hedgecraft, If a more proper term exists I'm not aware of it. Apparently it involves altered states of consciousness, and has something to do with other worlds.

http://www.ecauldron.net/eclecticism.php Oh and this article has been serving as a decent guide for being culturally appropriate and starting an eclectic path.

Anyways that's where I am right now in terms of my seeking. I just felt like sharing and thank you for letting me.  

[Adalyna]

I find that making an effort to start my own path, and to be culturally appropriate, is more conducive to spiritual growth. I've had life changing experiences after joining this guild. Part of this comes from me, but I don't know if I'd be where I am now without the help of you guys either. Thanks you.


I sound as if I've reached the end, but it's more like I hit the top of a tiny little hill and I'm gazing at mountains. I can't wait to get climbing!  

[TeaDidikai]

Quote:

Humans, Plants and Animals I'm guilty of a misstatement. Humans fall under the animals category in my system of beliefs. Beings that inhabit the world have varying amounts of spiritual matter or spiritual presence. It might be possible that humans possess a greater amount of spiritual presence than most, if not all other species of animals, but I'm equally open to the idea that other species may contain a great deal of spiritual presence. I do not believe spiritual presence is equal to consciousness, but do admit, I find it hard to imagine, a cockroach having a greater spiritual presence then say, a wolf.

Why?