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The Flamefist Chronicles, Chapter Two

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Shallarinath
Crew

PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 6:36 pm
Chapter Two: A Mageling Perhaps?

Korjen was uneasy for the rest of the night and on into the morning. He ate a breakfast of warm stew which his mother had set out upon the table for him. While he was eating he was glad that his mother was still busy in the kitchen, for if she questioned his strange demeanor he would not be in the mood to explain the bizarre dream that had spawned the change in his attitude.

In the middle of Korjen’s meal his father entered the room. He was a lanky fellow who was not very tall and rather old. Despite his appearance he was a great orator, which was why he was the representative to the town of Talroq. He had an air about him that spoke of command and subtle finesse. Sivad was a wise man; he could tell that something was troubling his son. “Something seems amiss this morn, does it not?” he asked Korjen, nonchalantly running his fingers through his graying hair “Perhaps you would care to shed light upon this mystery my boy.” Korjen knew that the last part was not a question, but a command. There would be no avoiding an explanation now. Korjen heaved a deep sigh.

“I had a…dream, last night. It was so real…I thought I was dead!”

Sivad nodded knowingly “At the end of all roads waits the specter of Death, and we find him terrifying to look ahead towards. Yet when the end is nigh Death seems but an old friend come round for a visit. -The last words of Larkon Archibil, late Archmagus of Broswick.”

“Of course father!” Korjen replied, unable to resist grinning at one of his father’s old quotes.

“There’s a good lad! Now finish your breakfast and hurry of to your lessons.” Sivad said, a broad smile lighting his face.

Korjen hastily devoured the last of his stew and ran out the cabin door, pausing only to slip on his boots. As soon as the door closed behind his obedient child the smile fell from Sivad’s face.

“It’s beginning.” he said in a very serious tone.

A small woman with age hardened features poked her head out of the kitchen. Though her face was hard her voice was very kind.

“We knew this would happen from the start, if you weren’t ready for this why did you volunteer?” she asked.

“I am more than prepared, Yalah,” he said softly “but this is happening too soon, he’s supposed to be older before he starts to remember.”

“Aye, but he has so much of it to do, better if it would start now. He can’t return not knowing everything can he?”

“Perhaps, perhaps not. Regardless it does not feel right, it is not as we had been told.” With a knotted brow Sivad went about his daily business, pondering this new development.

* * *

More than halfway through his daily lessons with Gilgrin the Mage, Korjen was bored witless. He looked to the only other two people in the tome-cluttered room besides the rambling spellcaster. Sitting on either side of him were two boys of similar age, and both happened to be his closest friends. To his left sat Nathriel, who was tall, though not quite as tall as Korjen. He had a strong build and his hair was cut in a short military style, but any intimidation he might have held was dissipated by his ever friendly, blue-green eyes. Nicholas, the boy to his right, was a different matter. He was short and slender, with a shock of sandy hair that, for all its’ untamed appearance, could not hide his electric blue eyes. Korjen and Nathriel were very protective of their smaller friend, his eyes made him seem untouched, somehow, by the harsh world outside of Talroq . Korjen had once heard it said that the eyes reveal the soul, and it certainly seemed true in Nicholas’s case. Despite the close proximity of his friends Korjen was still overbearingly bored, and heaved a long sigh. This seemed to snap Gilgrin out of another monologue.

“I’m sorry Korjen, am I boring you? Perhaps you would rather learn about something else instead!” Gilgrin said in a rather uppity tone of voice.

At first Korjen wasn’t going to say anything, but then an idea donned upon him.

“Yes! Tell me good Gilyfrills,” Korjen began to ask using the nickname that the children of the town had given the old Mage “you are man knowledgeable about forgotten lore are you not?”

“I am indeed! Why do you ask?” Gilgrin questioned, not having expected an inquisition of this sort to be put to him.

“Then perhaps you shall tell us about a creature, it went by the name of Dark Heart.”

The attention of all three boys was held by Gilgrin as the color completely drained from his face at the mention of that name.

“H-how came you by that name lad?” the balding Mage stuttered , barely able to keep his considerable stomach from quivering with the rest of him.

“I read about it in one of my father’s books.” Korjen lied “He seemed like a hero to me, is that true?”

The old spellcaster let out a long breath before continuing. “Yes, and no. Pay attention children, for I shall only say this once. Dark Heart was an agent of death, he killed hundreds, some say thousands, of humans. Nobody ever knew why he did it, but there was barely any mortal creature that could stop his reign of murder and destruction. Strangely Dark heart died trying to protect a half elf woman, one who was born of both human and elven parents. So strange, that after all he had killed he should die protecting just one…but this is as far into that matter as I dare to delve, it is time for you boys to be running along!”

Slowly the boys gathered themselves out from their seats and one by one left, except Korjen, who still had a few unanswered questions.

“Gillgrin, what happened to Sae- I mean the half elf? What ever became of her?” Korjen asked, slightly afraid of the answer that he might receive.

“Nobody knows, some say she is long dead, but that seems unlikely. I rather think that she is still out there, hiding and waiting. After all she would have barely aged since then with the elven blood that courses through her veins!” the old Mage said.

Korjen breathed a deep sigh of relief and moved for the door, but it shut itself as if by magic, locking Korjen inside with his mentor. Korjen whipped around to face the suddenly grim Gilgrin.

“What is this?” Korjen hissed, his distrust of the Mage growing by the minute. He had always had a feeling that Gilgrin was hiding something, perhaps now he would find out what.

“Forgive me, but I can’t let you go free, not until you tell me the truth.” Gilgrin said with authority “You could never have read about Dark Heart, not after I destroyed all of the books that bore his name long ago! Now tell me how you came across such dangerous knowledge. Speak true or you life is forfeit!”

Not knowing what manner of slaying spells the crazed Mage had at his disposal Korjen opted to tell the truth this time around.

“I dreamt it, if you don’t believe me look at my hand. Is it not the same wound that was given to Dark Heart by Captain Garstrum?”

Gilgrin shuffled quickly across the distance that separated him from Korjen and examined the scar for an interminable period of time. At length he spoke once more.

“This is…impossible! You tell the truth and yet… how could this ever be accomplished?” the old man mused to himself.

“I do not know. Some magic perhaps? You would know far better than I.” Korjen stated.

“Of course!” Gilgrin shouted, clapping a hand to his forehead “You have the Sight, perhaps even the Spark!”

Korjen was quite confused at this “Sight? Spark? What are these?”

“The Sight, Korjen, makes you a seer, a soothsayer, a diviner!” the Mage explained “Through this you have seen what was, in your dream. Perhaps, with training, you could see what is, or even what is yet to come! More importantly almost all who have the Sight also have the Spark of Magic! Korjen, you could quite possibly become a spellcaster!”

Korjen was already taken aback by the speed at with the situation had progressed, but could he perhaps work magic? The possibility filled him with exaltation, and a fair dose of anxiety to boot.

“Would you like to test for the Spark, Korjen?” Gilgrin asked with a new look on his face that could only be described as a mix between boyish pride and overwhelming curiosity.

Korjen nodded dumbly, still swooning with thought of the adventure and treasure that magic might bring. Gilgrin lead him over to the table where he kept his spell books and, selecting a narrow gray tome, quickly located a spell.

“Now look this spell over, when you think your ready then try and say the words.” the grinning Mage instructed.

Korjen looked at the words written upon the page. They were foreign to him, and yet as he looked on their meaning slowly unraveled in his mind.
“Beat the heart of fire, that chill may find no hold”

Korjen spoke the words aloud, it sounded as if the voice that spoke was no longer his as it pronounced the odd words of the spell in a language he did not recognize. When he had finished the phrase he waited for something to happen, but nothing came.

Gilgrin frowned “Try again!” he suggested, perhaps he could not make an apprentice of this one after all, he though glumly.

Korjen tried once more, except this time something went terribly right. Instead of speaking the spell he thought it. From some unknown source directions came to project his thoughts to the world around him. Then there came a quiver from his heartstrings, soon that quiver became a roaring rumble within the boy’s body. With all his will Korjen tried to keep the turbulent vibrations within his being as they filled him with a sense of panic. It was only when it seemed that they would tear him apart did he relinquish his hold. Then the spell took shape and the air around Korjen was filled with a pleasant warmth.

Gilgrin clapped his hands together in glee and Korjen let forth an elated laugh as he felt the magical energy flow through his body. It was glorious, he could feel every one of his hairs standing on end, hear the very beating of his heart, he had never felt so…so alive! Korjen reveled in the power that was flowing through him, and he wanted more. He concentrated on his spell, feeding it more and more power. Then things went wrong, the power was flowing out of control, it was draining him of his life’s energy!

The old Mage winced as torrents of hot air roared out from Korjen’s body. This wasn’t right. The spell should only produce a small zone of warm air, not this blistering heat! He watched with relief as Korjen slowly began to sink to the floor, his energy spent. Korjen was on his knees when something very unexpected indeed happened. Finding new strength Korjen suddenly stood up and his spell was unleashed with true fury! Nearby books began to burst into flames the heat was so intense. Korjen stood, completely calm, staring sightlessly ahead and Gilgrin let out a gasp. The boy’s eyes shone like white fire! Gilgrin had seen eyes like those, a long, long time ago in a place far from here.

The possessed Korjen uttered no spell and yet strange magic took hold of Gilgrin, drawing him closer and closer to the heart of the blazing inferno. Window shattered from the intense heat, and Korjen’s very touch burned Gilgrin as he was held suspended in the air by his throat. Then the possessed boy spoke in a voice that was not his, it was barely more than a whisper, but it cut straight through the fiery roar about them.

“Where is she?”

Suddenly the heat dissipated and Korjen fell unconscious to the floor. The flaming books were extinguished, nothing lit the room except the fading rays of dusk. Gilgrin felt the minor burns on his neck as he sank heavily to the ground. He would live, but how…how was this possible? He had been there, he had watched as the vines of the Tangled Night drew back the body of its fallen prisoner. The old Mage couldn’t even conceive a magic powerful enough to undo death! He stared at Korjen’s motionless form beside him.

“You are an impossible thing, old warrior.” he said.

Gilgrin rummaged around through his ruined home for some healing salve, and after a few moment he managed to find a bottle that had not sundered under the intense heat. As he rubbed the soothing tonic over his burns he suddenly thought about the possibility that someone had heard the conundrum, but quickly dismissed it, he was known throughout the town to have the occasional magic related disaster, so no one would think anything was out of place.

Gilgrin waited until darkness fell completely to carry the still unconscious Korjen to his home. The lad was heavy, but Gilgrin still had a little of his old strength from the days of his youth, and he was able to manage the short journey. It was a cold and cloudy night, so no one noticed the portly old Mage walking abroad with a sleeping boy across his shoulder.

When Gilgrin reached the home of Sivad Ashenfell he swiftly kicked open the door and rushed into the living room. Sivad was waiting there and watched quietly as the Mage set Korjen down gently in a great armchair by the hearth.

“I assumed that he had been with you.” Sivad said blandly “That is what his friends told me, though Yalah has been worried sick. I see you’ve managed to tire him thoroughly.”

Gilgrin looked up at him murderously “Do you have any idea what it is that resides in that chair?” he said, pointing a Korjen.

“I imagine I know even better than you Gilgrin, or whomever you really are! He is here for his own protection, and I intend to keep things secret.”

“But he died!” Gilgrin said, keeping his voice low “I saw him die! He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t be alive!”

“There are many things that should not be.” Sivad murmured “Yet they still are. Gilgrin, on pain of death you are to keep his presence secret! Now leave my home, or I will remove you.”

Gilgrin gave a solemn nod, as he was about to cross the threshold he was addressed from behind.

“Prepare yourself good Mage.” Sivad said “The storm is coming, whatever happens you must protect Korjen. If he should fall…” Sivad left the statement hanging in midair.

The old Mage acknowledged Sivad’s warning, but did not turn around. He opened the door and stepped outside; lost into the darkness of the night.

Sivad looked down at his son in sorrow “Poor child, had the Master known what horrors you must soon face then he would never have brought you into this world.”

Korjen slept on, oblivious to his foster father’s sad words. When he woke up the next day he would not remember the incident with Gilgrin, he would not remember the darkness that lurked inside of him, just below the surface.

Chapter Three: The Warrior Awakens  
PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 7:47 pm
I really like how the story is progressing, Shall! (I'm going to just call you Shall now, it's easier) I can definitely see improvements in this chapter, I didn't really find it dragging at all like the last chapter had in some places. Though, there's the opposite problem now. I found some parts went too quickly with too little explanation, or description rather, to really grasp waht was going on. Like when Korjen was being possesed, it felt like it all of a sudden just happened and then vanished to me as the reader. This relates to your characters as well, I think that if you describe their actions more, you could better show their personalities instead of just stating them. The character's are a little stiff right now.

And this is me just being nitpicky. I know it's fantasy, and it's your own world and everything, but the names are throwing me off. They seem to be all over the place, I think it would bring the setting together more if you could give it a sense of culture through the names. Also, just for clarification, is the name Korjen suppossed to be pronounced kor-gen, or kor-yen? Just a little thing with j's.

Overall, I'm still really captivated with this story, I can't wait to see where it goes, and I hope these critiques are helping!  

Stelle Cadenti
Captain

Prophet


Shallarinath
Crew

PostPosted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 8:16 pm
Yes, I kind of spotted that problem as well, I'll try and fix that!

As for names, this is my official guide to all my character names. The sound just like they are spelled, for example.

Korjen= Kor-gen
Saela= Say-la
Gilgrin= Gill(like fishes)-grin
Yalah= Ya-la
Tragarsanith= Tra-gar-san-ith

I hope this clears things up a bit!  
PostPosted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 12:32 pm
One more thing, you have know idea how long I've waited to be called Shall!  

Shallarinath
Crew


Joonbong

PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:41 pm
Awesome awesome awesome!!! This chapter was great. I think I am now obsessed with this story. I have very short and easily made obsessions so... um, ahah, excuse that comment.
I am jealous of your style of writing.  
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