soul gods

[kedamono777]

ummm yah dis was in da forums. if u allready read it den ok tnx! =D
if not yah. ummm i would love waht u have to say so yah give out ur opnion and really tell me how i can get grammer better or make it more realistic and what not ca i suck at it LOL!


is called soul gods. i guess i got the idea off bleach xD
but i dont freackin care ok! its me own and i jus want to know what u think. so yah
ummm plz i know i have horrible spelling and grammer so dont be so mean about it =(!
and this is not all of chapter one its like a sample.

soul gods
chapter one.... the begining

crash! crash! sol is running down as it seemed to be a 1 way hall. huffing harder and harder it seems like there wont be an end to this. crash!
sol started to run ever faster. "what the heck is going on!"
the wall beside him suddenly crashes down. he seems to get away from the rubbel.
sol hears a loud moan and sees a monster come out of the dust. the monster was a huge snake like creature with 2 more smaller snakes attached to it from both sides. thinking of how he might get out of this the snake lunges at him. sol jumps back barly escaping the snap of the beast. he then pulls out a piese of papper with weird markings on it. some how knowing what to do with this papper sol puts it infront of him. it flotes there and in front of it he gets his finger and draws a sign with his finger. he then puts his hand over the papper and sing and yells out "FIRE SEAL!" a red glow now surrounds him. the large snake creature starts to snap at him but he douges them like its nothing. the snake seems as it has had enough and flings its toung out. wrapings sols arm then lifting him into the air.
sol bites his lip and smirks." art 1, fire ball" he twists his palm facing the snake and a fire ball flies out of his hand hiting the snake forceing it to let lose of him. falling on one foot then his knee sol touches the ground and smiles as the snakes starts to disapear. "good work" says a sound of a girl out of no were. sol looks back but nothing is there. just a 1 way hall.
a sudden buzz comes from out of no were as he falls out of his bed.
a dream......  

[BB Rue Ryuzaki]

Not bad. If you keeping reading others' works, you should be able to improve. Now, I would encourage others who read this to understand that this guy is young, and may not be good at spelling and grammar, but has a love for writing. I was, and I think we all were, like him at one time.  

[The Mysterious Gunslinger]

I won't give you my honest opinion because you'll hate it. But I'll tell you this:

'sol is running down as it seemed to be a 1 one way hall. huffing harder and harder it seems like there wont be an end to this. crash!'

No. First of all, this is how it'd be written with proper grammar, punctuation, and capitalization.

'Sol ran hard, his lungs burning as his breaths became quick and shallow. The hall continued on, no matter how much distance he seemed to have covered, it went on, forever.

A loud sound erupted from behind him, causing him to increase his speed. "What the heck is going on?!"'

From that I am sure you can take a few notes. Capitalization, punctuation, and the right sentence structure helps.

 

[Rylipop]

Well, the storyline seems like it could be interesting but.. well, I don't mean to get on your case about spelling and grammar or anything, but I suggest that you try to listen to your English teacher in how to use it all correctly. I've learned a lot from my teachers and I'm hoping to learn more since I might take a creative writing course when I'm a sophomore... Maybe something like that would help your editing skills. sweatdrop  

[kedamono777]

The Mysterious Gunslinger

I won't give you my honest opinion because you'll hate it. But I'll tell you this:

'sol is running down as it seemed to be a 1 one way hall. huffing harder and harder it seems like there wont be an end to this. crash!'

No. First of all, this is how it'd be written with proper grammar, punctuation, and capitalization.

'Sol ran hard, his lungs burning as his breaths became quick and shallow. The hall continued on, no matter how much distance he seemed to have covered, it went on, forever.

A loud sound erupted from behind him, causing him to increase his speed. "What the heck is going on?!"'

From that I am sure you can take a few notes. Capitalization, punctuation, and the right sentence structure helps.

well tnx for dat i know my grammer is a picese of crap and i hate school so its not easy. and dat is way better then what i would have though up. tnx.
and yah thx for being so not harsh.....  

[kedamono777]

Kiin-chan

Well, the storyline seems like it could be interesting but.. well, I don't mean to get on your case about spelling and grammar or anything, but I suggest that you try to listen to your English teacher in how to use it all correctly. I've learned a lot from my teachers and I'm hoping to learn more since I might take a creative writing course when I'm a sophomore... Maybe something like that would help your editing skills. sweatdrop

yah i am a person who dose horrible in school and i hate english i mean if they would do things more interesting then i would like it but yah thx for the adive i know i still really suk smile  

[UC Poika]

Does yer tink i cud uze yer style and voyse? Loved the way you sounded. Like a barbarian telling the story on Mars Hill had it been in Greek. Thanks for sharing it. It is raw. Very raw. To hell with grammer for a while. Just write and enjoy. PM me some more if you're afraid of critics. I won't mind. I'm an English major, but then so was Benedict Arnold after he traded sides. My best friend called me an English Nazi because I corrected her writing lately. Being a flawless author ain't always what it's about. Writing is a good thing to do and an excellent way to learn about things. Enjoy it. mrgreen biggrin