Jokes Thread

[Ardua]

Does what it says on the tin xp

Please keep in mind the guild rules, Gaia TOS and just general good taste heart

 

[Ardua]

He Said, I Said

He said to me .. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me.. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him .. . They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

[Ardua]

"Three people recently made the short-list for a CIA assassin, two men and one woman. Each one had a final test to complete to get the job.

Each one was taken to their home and handed a gun. The first man was told "Your wife is inside, take the gun and kill her." The man handed the gun back and said he couldn't do it.

The second man was told "Your wife is inside, take the gun and kill her." He walked into the house and after a few minutes came out and gave the gun back, nearly crying he said he couldn't do it, he couldn't kill his wife.

The woman was told "Your husband is inside, go in and kill him." So she went inside with the gun and a lot of bangs and shouting was heard. Eventually it all went quiet and she came back out again, clearly furious. She said to the testers, "You bastards! You could have told me there were blanks in the gun, I had to beat him to death with a chair leg!"

twisted

 

[Shadow__Dweller]

Midnight Thoughts

"Three people recently made the short-list for a CIA assassin, two men and one woman. Each one had a final test to complete to get the job.

Each one was taken to their home and handed a gun. The first man was told "Your wife is inside, take the gun and kill her." The man handed the gun back and said he couldn't do it.

The second man was told "Your wife is inside, take the gun and kill her." He walked into the house and after a few minutes came out and gave the gun back, nearly crying he said he couldn't do it, he couldn't kill his wife.

The woman was told "Your husband is inside, go in and kill him." So she went inside with the gun and a lot of bangs and shouting was heard. Eventually it all went quiet and she came back out again, clearly furious. She said to the testers, "You bastards! You could have told me there were blanks in the gun, I had to beat him to death with a chair leg!"

twisted

hahaha rofl  

[Ardua]

And for my next trick I'll post something that isn't completely feminist wink

 

[Ardua]

Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q"..so the the mermaid did it and he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said" "Triple my I.Q."..and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed that he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said: "Are you sure about that? It will change your whole life!"..the fisherman said yes so the mermaid turned him into a woman.

...

So much for not posting feminist jokes xp

 

[Airforce Soldier]

This is to even the score of feminist jokes. One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.


I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."


How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."