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Chapter One of the Flamefist Chronicles

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Shallarinath
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:23 pm
The Flamefist Chronicles
Book One: The Dragon’s Child
By: A.N. Davis





Prelude

Once, a very long time ago, longer than most lives of men, there was a being of great and mysterious power that roamed the Northern Continent. It was a terrible creature full of hate, and rage, and unbearable pain. It took the guise of a tall man cloaked in darkness, and reaped devastation upon the land.

The creature slew indiscriminately as it tore apart men with its’ bare hands and burned the women and children with magical fire. Only those who fled swiftest were able to escape its’ implacable wrath.

Soon the provinces of the North were besieged by this new menace, and fought bravely against it, but fight as they might each fell to the creature one by one. The survivors christened the beast Dark Heart, for what else could slay so many without the slightest hint of mercy or remorse, but the darkest of hearts?

For two years Dark Heart moved unchallenged through the Northern Continent, slaying at will. Yet he claimed only humans as his victims, never a dwarf, an elf, or even a goblin. Anything that was not human was paralyzed by Dark Heart’s magic until he was long gone. Of those he did do battle upon none could match him with sword or spell. Even an army of hundreds fell to his monstrous strength.

At last he came to the great city of Lasngym, The Star of the North. He would have destroyed the city like so many others, but for a single figure that stood to oppose him in the snowy wastes beyond the walls of Lasngym. It was an elf in simple homespun clothes, yet he wielded mightier magics than had ever been seen before. There was a great battle the likes of which the Continent would never know again.

For hours the elf fought with Dark Heart, trading blow for blow and spell for spell. The battle was so intense that it rocked the very foundations of the West wall of the city. At long last Dark Heart lay beaten and battered upon the battlefield. Yet instead of slaying the foul creature the elf instead locked Dark Heart away inside a titanic field of bracken, and then he was gone, never to be heard of again.

The bracken grew black after a time, having been said to be infected by Dark Heart’s evil. Soon it became known as the Tangled Night, for the vines were as black as the midnight sky. Even though it almost bordered the West wall the bracken was never burned down for fear of awakening Dark Heart, who was said to be entrapped within the very heart of the obsidian growth.

Eventually the fear subsided and the threat of Dark Heart was dismissed, but not forgotten. No, not for all time would Dark Heart ever be forgotten.

Chapter One: Dreams Best Left Undreamt

In a secluded little borderland town called Talroc lived a, tall, dark haired boy, just on the verge of manhood, named Korjen Ashenfell. He slept within a great log cabin, which resided just south of the Fir Peak Mountains and the Watching Woods. Korjen tossed and turned in his sleep as dark things went roaring through his slumbering mind. He seemed to struggle against invisible bonds as a particularly violent dream seized upon him.

Inside his mind Korjen felt as if he were drowning. The empty darkness of his dreams threatened to swallow him up into oblivion, though as hard as he struggled he could not escape. Just as the darkness seemed to crush his very soul it began to fade as it gave way to a vivid dream.

Korjen found himself standing knee deep in snow in some strange land he had never been in before, or had he? This place was so strange, yet something about it struck a familiar chord deep within the darkest recesses of Korjen’s mind. As he took stock of his surroundings he noticed some very peculiar things. The sky was overcast and strangely he was not at all cold from the snow despite wearing nothing more than a cloth nightgown, nor did he seem to leave tracks in the snow through which he had previously traveled. It was almost as if this place were real, and he was the dream. Lying directly in front of him was the blackest, most massive growth of bracken that he had ever beheld. Long wicked thorns covered every inch of vine and there seemed to be a strange air about the place, almost as there was something watching Korjen from within the shadows. Korjen felt the fear shoot like lightening through his body, making his every hair stand on end.

Suddenly Korjen was distracted from his unease by a clamor coming from behind him. When he turned around to investigate he found himself looking at the side of a titanic walled city. The city stood out like a shining jewel amongst the surrounding wastes of snow and the occasional evergreen tree. This must be Lasngym, thought Korjen, the greatest city in all of the Northern Continent, for could only be Lasngym due to the shear size of the city. It seemed as though the commotion was coming from the main gate of the city, which was just barely visible from his current position. The main gate seemed a mere speck in the distance, yet something was speeding out of them at an alarming rate, headed in Korjen’s direction it soon became a discernable image. It was a young and unusually tall woman that was rapidly bearing down upon him. By Korjen’s judgment she couldn’t be more than eighteen, maybe twenty years old. She was slender and her skin was almost as white as the surrounding snow, her almond shaped eyes were a stormy blue-gray. Something about her physical makeup made her seem somewhat exotic, as if this was not the land that she hailed from, but rather that she originated some other distant country. As she ran closer Korjen could make out what looked to be tears streaming down her pale face. When she was roughly a hundred feet away Korjen saw that more than two score fully armed and armored soldiers had started running out from the main gate after the young woman. Korjen, quite confused at this point, moved directly in front of the running maiden.

“Hail! What goes on here?!” he shouted at the oncoming girl.

She seemed not to hear him and just kept running. She was so close now that Korjen could not have dove out of the way if he tried. Korjen was sure that she was going to bull him over and braced for the impending collision.

“Stop!” he shouted right as she collided with him . . . And passed through his body as if it were nothing more than smoke!

What is all this madness? Korjen thought. His bewilderment melted away as several crossbow bolts sunk into the snow near his position, fired from the battlements of the nearest wall. Still uncertain about the effect he held in this place Korjen was not about to chance that those bolts would pass through him harmlessly as had the maiden.

Korjen turned and ran in the direction of the young woman, who had almost disappeared into the great expanse of bracken. As Korjen dove into the cover of the great thorny vines he heard a soldier shout behind him.

“Captain Garstrum, she’s gone into The Tangled Night!”

Korjen peered back through a screen of bracken to see the captain of the soldiers standing in shining armor amongst his men, who all wore uniform plate mail that gleamed dully in the pale daylight. As he squinted for a clear image he saw a malevolent grin cross the captain’s sly features.

“Get me threescore more men and a magus!” Captain Garstrum ordered the soldier nearest him, “And bring back pitch and torches; today we shall burn The Tangled Night and kill the murderous Saela Alborea!”

They were going to burn the girl out! Somewhere deep inside of him Korjen felt an inherent need to protect Saela, though he knew not why. He decided that it would not serve well to remain in his current position so he returned his attention back to the bracken and pressed deeper into the tangled mesh. He tried to follow Saela and though he could no longer see her it was easy to tell where she had been. Every few feet Korjen found torn pieces of fabric clinging to the thorns. Occasionally where the snow had found its way through the canopy of bracken he could see tiny droplets of blood against the white ground. It seemed as though Saela was headed for the very heart of The Tangled Night!

Soon Korjen had caught up enough that he could see Saela. She was on the other side of a thin wall of bracken. Korjen couldn’t find a quick way through and decided that this was as good a time as any to find out if he really was intangible. Korjen took a deep breath either he would pass harmlessly through or . . . he tried not to think about the three inch thorns jutting from the wall of vines.

Korjen covered his face with his arms, closed his eyes and charged the bracken. He felt a tingling sensation upon contact and when he opened his eyes he found himself on the other side of the wall. A sudden chill passed through his body. There was something about this place; something that made him feel… imprisoned within this wretched mass of twisted vines.

It was only after he had jumped through the wall that Korjen thought about how an incredibly stupid thing it was of him to do. When he looked up Saela was disappearing from view. She had stopped running and was now crawling, bleeding, seemingly disoriented, and sobbing, through a small hole in the bracken. Korjen, beginning to enjoy his incorporeality, was walking right next to her, passing unhindered through the vines as she crawled along through the hole.

As Saela began to clear the tunnel exit that led into a clearing beyond, Korjen stopped and wondered what he was doing here with her. Why had he chosen to follow her? For all he knew she could be a murderer, just as the soldiers had said. Well she seemed the decent sort to him at least…

While he was musing Saela reached the end of the tunnel and was now crawling across the clearing to a huge growth of vines in the very center. She hid behind the growth, but not effectively, for Korjen could easily spot her from his current position.

As he walked into the clearing toward Saela something within the central mass of bracken caught the young boy’s attention. A spot of blue shone clearly through the vines. Korjen was suddenly entranced as he walked in a dazed manner toward this new curiosity amongst the madness of this strange place. He walked all the way around the base of the growth, only to stop where Saela lay weeping on the ground. Saela had yet to notice, but there suspended in the bracken was a very large blue elf! At least Korjen thought it was an elf, it was hard to tell for the creature seemed asleep and was shrouded in what appeared to be a decaying black cloak.

As he looked closer Korjen began to doubt that this creature really was some sort of elf. The face was certainly elfin, with pointed ears, angular features and a long flowing mane of silver hair; but it seemed that, though at least eight feet tall, the being fell shy of the standard nine feet of a true elf. Also, blue was certainly not a skin tone found naturally in any of the humanoid races. In fact it didn’t seem to be skin at all! Closer inspection revealed that tiny scales covered the entire creature from head to toe.

“This is most curious indeed!” Korjen muttered to himself.

It almost seemed that Saela had heard him, for at that very moment she looked up to behold the imprisoned monster for the first time. She let out a gasp of terror, that seemed to awaken the slumbering beast. Its eyes flickered to life revealing deep, brown eyes that seem to contain some hidden agony within their depths.

Korjen waved his hand in front of the creature’s eyes, but received no response.

“Perhaps I truly am a ghost here; I wonder if that means I have the ability to fly?” he mused.

“What this?” the beast said very slowly, it seemed as though it had difficulty making the words flow, “You half breed. . . like me!”

“W-What?” Saela asked, almost frozen with fear.

“No fear, stay still.” the creature said, adopting a gentle tone.

The monster gave a mighty tug and wrenched its arms free of their thorny prison. The tattered remains of the cloak fell away as the beast started to move, leaving only a long sun bleached loincloth secured with a heavy leather belt as its only covering. As it reached down to free its feet Korjen got a clear view of the creature’s hands. Where they would have had fingernails there were none; each digit ended with a sharp point, giving off the impression of claws.

The creature, having freed itself, was now walking towards Saela. Korjen was shocked when he saw that the beast’s feet were very draconian in appearance. More shocking yet was that the monster had a tail! It knelt down upon one knee and gently took hold of Saela’s chin. Bewildered Saela did not resist as the creature gazed straight into her eyes. From that angle Korjen saw two huge, scared, stumps, that appeared to have once been wings.

It was several minutes before the creature finally broke the silence.

“Too much sadness, too much pain. Mother dead, father killed.” the creature said, “Me… I have memories, all gone, not there any longer.”

The monster’s face was overshadowed with anguish at its inability to recall its past, yet still knowing that it had past worth remembering. A single tear rolled down the side of the creature’s face. Before the tear fell of its chin the beast gathered it in the palm of it’s hand and Saela watched in amazement as the tear crystallized, turning into brilliant gemstone.

“I was… bad. I want go home! I be good! If I be good to elf girl I go home!” the creature declared beaming joyously.

As the blue beast said this it started to swing its fingers in strange patterns through the air. Suddenly a ball of russet red sparks burst suddenly into being in midair! The ball split in two and began to slowly revolve opposite each other in a perfect circle. Each time the sparks met at the top and bottom of a revolution they began to move faster and faster, until finally there was a blinding circle of red-gold. Then the circle of sparks exploded in a magnificent shower of red, leaving behind a delicate golden necklace chain.

While the chain lay floating in the air the creature had begun to do something with the tear-gem. The gem was spinning lazily between the beast’s hands and was growing brighter by the second, until it actually began to melt! Continuing the rotation of the molten gem with one hand the monster bite the index finger of its other hand, drawing a small droplet of blood. It let the droplet fall onto the gem, but it did not burn. The molten gem wrapped around the droplet and began to revert back to its former tear shape except at the tip the gem formed a little loop before it hardened into crystal once more.

There came a flash of bright green and the gem turned icy blue, making it even more brilliant than before. The beast snatched the still floating chain out of the air and threaded one end through the loop in the gem. It took the completed amulet and fastened it around Saela’s neck before she could protest. As the creature drew away a tiny fire began to pulse within the heart of the gem.

“Amazing!” Korjen mumbled to himself after witnessing the spectacle before him.

“There,” the creature said, “this protect you. Fire beat in heart of gem as long as I live, my life force within keep you from danger.”

“Who are you? What are you? Why are you doing this for me?!” Saela asked, beginning to overcome her fear of the monster.

“I am…half-dragon.” the creature said, struggling to produce the words, “Last half-dragon. I help you, I go home. I want home so much. No one cares for me, heart is broken, heart is sad, heart is…Dark!”

“Dark Heart!” Saela whispered in shock.

Korjen watched with growing amusement the scene that was unfolding before him, but something tugged at him from the back of his mind. As he tried to remember Korjen caught a whiff of smoke in the air. He turned around and saw great plumes of black smoke curling into the sky from the direction from where they had entered the bracken.

Dark Heart sprang to action, also sensing the danger.

“You leave now!” he said, scooping Saela into his arms before she could protest he began to run in the direction opposite that which Saela had come from.

Dark Heart only got a few paces before he turned around, his face a mask of fear as some unseen magic ripped Saela screaming from his grasp, taking her back the way she had come.

“NO!” Dark Heart roared, but it was too late.

Korjen sped through the bracken as swiftly as his ghostly form could carry him. He could see the vines part before Saela as she flew along. Whether this was by the will of Dark Heart or of whatever sorcery that had hold of her he could not tell.

Saela zipped through the air feet first back toward the soldiers. Suddenly she was engulfed in roaring flames. It singed her torn clothes, but would not burn her skin! Almost as she had entered the flames was she pulled out by the force that had hold of her. The spell threw her brutally at the feet of a bald man clad in rune covered robes, marking him as a magus. The man drew forth the sword belted on his hip and slashed savagely at Saela’s throat. She raised her right hand to try and block the blow that would have ignored such a futile defense. Searing pain raced across Saela’s palm as the killing blow produced only a shallow cut and burst of blue sparks erupted from her wound. The man screamed in agony and threw his sword to the ground as the sparks began to burn away the flesh of his own right hand. A short way away Garstrum and his five score soldiers rushed to the magus’ aid, but froze in their tracks as a mighty bellow sounded from within The Tangled Night.

There came a second bellow, this more powerful than the first. The flames on the edge of The Tangled Night guttered and died at the awesome might of the sound. The ripping of vines and rending of earth rung clearly though the air. They were soon intermingled with a steady boom, like the beating of a giant heart. Something huge and ominous could be seen moving in the shadows of the bracken, waiting for the right moment to strike.

It came out of nowhere, leaping the twenty yards from the bracken to the magus with ease. It stood twelve feet off the ground, the exact image of Dark Heart made from twisted vines and chunks of earth with its creator barely visible within. Eyes shining red with rage it picked up the shrieking magus and flung him against the nearest wall of Lasngym, where his body fell to the ground in a crumpled, bloody heap.

Completely stunned the soldiers did not react until their captain drew his sword and attacked the bracken monster. Some enchantment upon the man’s weapon allowed it to slice straight through the outer construct and cut deep into Dark Heart’s left hand. Howling with pain Dark Heart swatted the captain away with a viney appendage. The captain’s magnificent armor was crushed under the weight of the blow, but it still managed to keep the massive thorns from sinking into his flesh. As soon as the captain was out of Dark Heart’s path someone in the great host of soldiers barked an order.

“FIRE!”

Dark Heart turned and shielded Saela with his bulk as a volley of arrows rained down upon them. Saela heard Dark Heart grunt as a few arrows managed to penetrate his construct and sunk into his back. The rain of arrows ended and Dark Heart returned fire with a vengeance. Sweeping his arms rapidly out in front of him he caused a deadly shower of thorns to fly into the ranks of the soldiers. Eight of the forward archers fell dead with giant thorns protruding from their throats.

“Charge!” a soldier cried.

All of the soldiers drew swords and broke ranks, charging Dark Heart for all they were worth. Roaring a challenge Dark Heart ran towards the great host, each mighty footstep shaking the ground.

Saela watched as the soldiers swarmed Dark Heart, their numbers and tenacity seeming to overwhelm even him. Blow after blow snuck through his viney armor before he could strike down his attackers. Soon the construct was covered in more of Dark Heart’s blood than that of his foes.

Korjen watched as the battled raged on, his ghostly form floating high above the combatants. He grew anxious as he saw Dark Heart begin to fall back, fearing that the soldiers would prevail and would yet slay Saela before the day was through.

“Enough!” Dark Heart shouted.

With magic coursing through his being he struck the ground with a devastating blow. A sound like thunder echoed through the air as a shockwave threw all the soldiers brutally from their feet. With a wave of his hand a magical blue haze descended upon the fallen soldiers.

“Sleep deep; fight no more!” Dark Heart commanded, all of the soldiers, even ones in the middle of rising to their feet, fell to the ground in magical slumber.

An eerie silence fell over the battlefield; uninterrupted save for the hiss of steam where Dark Heart’s blood had fallen in the snow. The blood flowing from his wounds started to ebb as if by magic. Severed vines of the construct tied together and condensed around Dark Heart’s body, completely hiding him from view.

A dagger flew through the air toward the construct’s head, and bounced harmlessly off the protective vines. Enraged Dark Heart turned to face this new foe. He found Captain Garstrum hobbling toward him, using his magnificent sword as a crutch. He drew another dagger from his belt and threw it at Dark Heart. Though the attempt was ineffective it served to further enraged Dark Heart.

“You are no good!” Dark Heart yelled at the man.

He walked over to Captain Garstrum and knocked him to the ground. Then, with a great viney foot he began to step on the Captain’s chest. The Captain gave an agonizing scream as several ribs cracked. Relieving the pressure on Garstum’s chest Dark Heart rose his foot high into the air, intending to crush the man’s head in one fell blow.

Right as his foot came down a boulder crashed into the face of Dark heart’s construct. Off balance the construct fell backward; Garstum was saved from a dismal fate as the appendage just barely missed his face. Dark Heart quickly recovered and, forgetting Garstrum, looked about for this new assailant. It was another construct, very much like his own except hewn from stone and considerably larger. It seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and was ripping chunks out of the West wall to throw at Dark Heart.

Dark Heart caught the next boulder headed his way and returned fire. The other construct, not expecting the rapid retaliation, was knocked back into the wall. That particular section of wall, already set on unstable foundations, buckled and fell under the weight of the stone giant. Dark Heart was on this new foe in an instant.

“I am Morlock Maleroy, Archmagus of this city! By my authority you will hand over Saela Alborea for her crimes against the crown!” a deep masculine voice boomed from the mouth of the construct.

“No!” Dark Heart yelled. He seized the still prone Morlock and with a mighty heave, flinging him into the air.

Morlock landed dangerously close to Garstrum, almost crushing him. It was at this moment that Saela, who had been dazed by the scene before her, took action. Forgetting the pain in her hand she darted forward and grabbed the groaning Captain Garstrum by what remained of his armor and began to draw him back to safety. Seeing his chance Morlock clambered to his feet and sent a great fist sailing in Saela’s direction. Saela screamed and squeezed her eyes shut, thinking her end hand surely come, but when nothing came she looked up. There locked, in a titanic struggle, was Dark Heart, having stopped Morlock’s assault just in time.

“Run!” Dark Heart shouted as he just barely held Morlock at bay.

Saela dragged Garstrum out just in time, for a split second later Dark Heart had Morlock pinned to the ground where she had been standing.

“You cannot have her! I want to go home! You cannot have her!” Dark Heart screamed down at Morlock. Tiny tear gems began to rain down upon the archmagus from the eyes of Dark Heart’s construct.

Morlock responded with a mighty blow to Dark Heart’s chest that sent him flying through the air. Dark Heart’s construct fell into a squirming mass of vines and earth when it hit the ground. The blue beast rose from the midst of his ruined creation and stumbled forward into the snow. He took a moment to take a deep breath and gather himself for what was to come. Closing his eyes Dark Heart stood tall. Then snapping open his eyes they shone with an intense light, as if white fire blazed within them. Gone was the vocally impaired monster of the bracken, now Dark Hearts voice rung true and clear as he saw the battlefield with eyes unclouded.

“You are a petty creature Morlock!” Dark Heart spat with malice, “You fight maids whilst shadows strangle your precious city, killing your king and infiltrating your men!”

“We are discovered!” one of the still sleeping soldiers shouted. In unison the threescore men that Garstrum had ordered as reinforcements sprung to their feet, quickly slaying any soldier that was not among their organization. Casting off their disguises, they were all revealed to be dressed in black leathers and prepared for battle.

“Shadow Legionnaires!” Morlock shouted with surprise. It seemed that Dark Heart’s startling outburst of knowledge pertaining to recent events had a great deal more credence with the arrival of this infamous organization.

“Kill them!” shouted a sinister man cloaked in black .

“Protect the girl! ’Tis she they seek! ” Dark Heart shouted.

Korjen, whom was floating far up out of reach, now looked upon the scene before him with a different attitude. There was a certain feeling in the air that made ones hair stand on end, the next events would surely be important and Korjen was determined to witness them.

The monster and the stone leviathan charged into the ranks of the black clad Legionnaires. Dark Heart blasted the nearest men with a jet magical fire from his palms, but the flames slipped from his enemies like water! The blue beast was almost ran through by the nearest man, but acting fast he sidestepped the blow and threw the man back into his comrades.

With this narrow window of opportunity Dark Heart silently cast a new spell. Lightning flashed down from the sky and into Dark Heart’s open hand where it coalesced into a crackling broadsword of electrical energy. Swinging it expertly he brought it to bear against his opponents with a savage roar.

Using quick wits and several grappling hooks a band of Legionnaires had brought down Morlock’s construct and were trying to hack their way to the mage within. Dark Heart was upon them before they could even scream. Tearing though his victims as if they were paper soon only the black cloaked man and a handful of Legionnaires remained.

“Come then!” the cloaked man said; a long blade of flame materialized in his hand.

Dark Heart charged on as the several remaining Legionnaires met his advance. The first man ran straight into the blue creature’s blade, and was severed completely in half. Seeing this the next three men were more cautious, moving about Dark Heart in a flanking attempt; blades raised in wary defense. With lightening fast reflexes the monster swept out his foot, knocking the man on his left off his feet. As he had crouched to deliver his kick the other two men saw their chance and lunged at Dark Heart, but he had anticipated this and was more than ready for their assault. Angling his electrical sword upward he made a quick stab that caught the man on his right beneath the chin and killed him instantly as the electrical energy fried his brain. Then the third man’s sword bit into Dark Heart’s shoulder, but luckily the creature’s scaly hide had made it little more than a shallow wound. With a sweep of his free hand Dark Heart tore out the man’s throat, leaving him to drown in a deepening pool of his own blood. Stabbing the man he had tripped through the heart the blue monster got to his feet, stumbling slightly.

At a signal from their cloaked leader the final two Legionnaires advanced upon the wounded Dark Heart. When the beast made no attempt to guard himself the two rushed him shoulder to shoulder. At the last moment Dark Heart leapt high above the swinging blades and executed a savage downward cut while in midair. For the nearest man it was over in an instant as the lightening blade sheared off the upper half of his face. The second man, to his merit, reacted fast enough to bring his blade up in a feeble defense, though that hardly stopped the deadly stroke as it slashed a light cut across the man’s brow. Dark Heart was sure the shock from his blade had killed the man as his foe crumpled to the ground, twitching oddly.

During the slaughter Morlock was still trying to stand his construct upright, but the men that had felled him had badly damaged his stone legs with their wicked hammers; each time he attempted to get up large chunks of rock fell from the construct. Finally the Archmagus decided that his construct had run its course, no longer being able to help Dark Heart against the Shadow Legionnaires, and let it collapse. Badly drained of his magic it would be several minutes before he could force his way out, but by then he would be far to late.

Saela watched as Dark Heart and the Legionnaire commander faced off, the unconscious Garstrum laying beside her.

Cautiously circling one another the two combatants sprung upon each other in an instant, locking swords. The cloaked man was much faster and stronger than he appeared, blocking Dark Heart’s blow with relative ease. In a dazzling display man and monster fought back and forth, fire and lightening whirling through the air, but something was wrong. Dark Heart was beginning to falter, his eyes shone less bright and he was becoming weak from battle and blood loss. Knowing this Dark Heart made one last desperate surge of ferocity, grunting as he reopened the cut on his left hand. He savagely battered away the man’s sword, leaving him open for a finishing blow. Just as he was about to plunge his blade through the man’s heart he heard Saela scream in the background. Looking to his side he saw the man with the cut brow slash down brutally, hoping to behead Saela in a single blow. Not stopping to think Dark Heart whirled around a heaved his blade with his last ounce of strength. The killer’s sword had almost connected with Saela’s exposed neck before the lightening blade launched him to the side, traveling up to its hilt as it buried itself in his side. The scent of burning flesh hung heavily in the air as the sword cooked the unfortunate man from the inside out, this time he wouldn’t be getting back up.

Seizing his opportunity the cloaked man opened a shimmering teleportation door and fled, but before he departed he left Dark Heart with a parting gift.

An unearthly shriek rent the air as the flame blade burst through Dark Hearts chest. The in a brief flash the cloaked man was gone, his flaming sword dematerializing as its victim stumbled forward, half turned, and fell backward onto the trampled earth.

“NO!” Saela screamed as she rushed over to the fallen form of Dark Heart.

“Oh, no…” Morlock said seeing the last few seconds of the battle as he finally emerged from his ruined construct.

Saela knelt next to the dying monster and took his left hand in her right, tears welling up in her eyes anew “Why did you save me? You didn’t have to save me!” she said; the light in Dark Heart’s eyes began to die.

Morlock came over and placed a comforting hand on Saela’s shoulder. She looked at him with Hell in her eyes.

“Don’t just stand here do something, he’s dying!”

“I could never heal a wound a great as that, even were I at the height of my power. I’m sorry, but he is gone.”

“So dark, so cold. Fire, screams, blood, blood on my hands! No!” Dark Heart spluttered “So alone, don’t leave me alone…Morlock! You must…do this for me, you must…”

Korjen looked on with horrified awe. Dark Heart couldn’t die! He almost won, he couldn’t die now, it wasn‘t right… suddenly Korjen felt very cold. Why was he so cold? Looking down at himself he found a large, wet, spot of red rapidly growing across his chest. No one saw as his ghostly form plummeted through the air. He could see nothing as he was slowly engulfed by the earth, but he did hear one last thing before descending into oblivion.

“Protect her! You…must…protect…S-”

“Saela!” Korjen shouted as he awoke in a cold sweat.

In a panic he groped his chest, but there was no wound. Calming down he was about to go back to sleep when, suddenly, his left hand caught in the moonlight streaming in from his window. There across his hand, was a long thin scar.  
PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:23 am
Sorry I took so long to read this, becuase it is well worth reading!

I do have a bone to pick about your fight scenes though. It dragged a bit and was confusing at times, and i think you need to work on your setting a bit. It's just that the distances didn't seem right, when dark heart threw the magus to the wall of the city, I had the impression the the city was much farther away for him to be able to walk back to where the fight was. Also, just a little thing, but if they could burn down the Tangled night, why hadn't they done it before? It seems that they had enough reason to burn it down before.

Also, maybe you could have played up the dream-like quality of it, make it not so concrete, a little more surreal. Because even if it wasn't exactly a dream and more like a vision, nobody will see things that clearly when they're asleep.

That's just my opinion, take it or leave it. I am curious as to what will happen next though, can't wait for the next chapter.  

Stelle Cadenti
Captain

Prophet


Shallarinath
Crew

PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2009 5:36 pm
Good point, The distances deffinately need work, as to the Tangled night thing, I'll either fix that now or add it later on, i'm not sure which. The second chapter is on my journal so feel free to look.  
PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:06 pm
Okay I think I've solved most of the bugs, it's a bit different now and has gotten good reveiws so far.  

Shallarinath
Crew


Stelle Cadenti
Captain

Prophet

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:14 pm
I'm not sure my eyes are up for any long reading tonight, but I'll get to it soon! I can't wait to see the changes.  
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:19 pm
I love how this seems to be all told by a character that is watching from the side. I would love it if you would post the second chapter here, for I find it difficult to access journals (I am horrible at navagating through this site). xd The fight scenes were amazing and I hope you continue with this story until it is done.  

Joonbong


Joonbong

PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:22 pm
Ah, never mind about the journal thing, I found your second chapter! biggrin  
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