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In my arms

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Drusilla91
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 4:09 pm
ok. this is my first post, so i hope you like. I was is a rush when i first wrote it, so if you see a mistake, please let me know.



My father owns the mansion on top of Charity Hill. I am his only daughter, Emily. My mother died a couple days after giving birth to me. Father said she never died...she lived on in me. Master Andrews, my father, has a mansion with about ten rooms, twenty servants, six gardeners, and one childhood love of mine, Christopher. Although he is five years older than I am, our love surpassed it. Father does not of our relationship. The consequences would be severe if he ever found out.

Every Saturday, Christopher and I would meet under the big oak tree near the wood. There he would hold my boy close to his and stroke my hair. I would hum or recite a poem.
"Em", he would usually say,"When you are of age, one day I will march into your father's study and ask for your hand." At times I wish it were that simple.

Father had called me for tea one day, a very rare occasion, and told me there was someone willing to marry me. I was shocked. Had Christopher asked my father? Of course the Christopher I know is not an imbecile. The man's name was Joel Samuel. He was very wealthy and said he would provide a safe home for me.
"I refuse!"I cried, my face burning."I will not marry him!"
"Why not, dear? He is wealthy and will give you everything you want after I am gone. It may take some time but eventually you may grow to love him."
"I am already in love." I said with tears streaming down my face.
"With whom?"
"Christopher!"

Father looked outraged. His face turned red and purple.
"Christopher - the servant boy? No daughter of mine is going to be in love with someone out of her league!" He knocked the tea table over and walked over to me-- with fury in his eyes.
"I do not care what you think of him! One day, he and I will run away!
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!", Father shouted. I ran. Half blinded by my tears and almost deaf from my anger, I managed to hear him yell: " He won't be here for long!"

I ran out to the oak tree and cried. I will never marry that man! I sat under the tree until the moon came out. Christopher's timing was impeccable. I told him what had happened with Father and I. He held in his arms and let my cry. He stroked my hair and hummed a lullaby. What would I do if I didn't have him in my life?

I woke up alone under our tree. I walked back to my father's mansion in dismay. I walked to the kitchen door, in the back of the house, to avoid passing my father's study. All the sudden I heard a crash of dishes and chairs. The door flung open with two men holding on to Christopher.
"Where are you taking him?", I yelled at them. No one answered. I ran toward them but was caught by a servant.Christopher yelled back not to follow him. I shook myself loose from the grasp of the servant and ran to my father's study. He was not there. I looked out the window to see where those people where taking Christopher. They moved toward the wood.

I ran as fast and silently as I could behind them. They went very deep into the forest-- I began to worry if I would get lost. The sky turned grey and the air felt cold and gloomy. I followed further until they came to a stop. I hid behind a tree to see what was happening. Father was there... his face was red with anger.
"Do you or do you not have a relationship with my daughter?", he yelled.
"I do." Christopher said calmly."There is nothing in this world that could keep me from loving her!"
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since the day I came here; ten years ago."
"Leave now and never come back. Your life may be spared."
"Never!"
"I will not have you ruin my daughter's life!"
"I could say the same to you, sir!"
Thunder began to crack and lightening shot from the sky. Another crack came but it was not thunder. It was a gun. Christopher fell to his knees.

"No!" I ran from my hiding place. Every head turned. I ran to his side as he slowly laid on the ground. It began to rain.
" I told you not to follow me!", he said angrily.
"There is nothing in this world that could keep me from you." , I said with tears in my eyes. " What will I do without you?"
"Em, I will live on in you, like your mother." Thunder cracked. He began to close his eyes.

With his last breathe he said:" I love you Emily. Please do no cry. For me." This time I held him and stroked his hair. The rain poured down heavily as I watched him die in my arms.

end~

Hope you enjoyed it^_^  
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:12 pm
Is this going to be part of a series? If not, it belongs in the main forum.  

BB Rue Ryuzaki
Captain


Drusilla91
Crew

PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:42 pm
whoopsie redface  
PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:30 am
No worries, I was just pointing it out, I'll transfer it.  

BB Rue Ryuzaki
Captain


The Mysterious Gunslinger

PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 8:59 am
Drusilla91
ok. this is my first post, so i hope you like. I was is a rush when i first wrote it, so if you see a mistake, please let me know.



My father owns the mansion on top of Charity Hill. I am his only daughter, Emily. My mother died a couple days after giving birth to me. Father said she never died...she lived on in me. Master Andrews, my father, has a mansion with about ten rooms, twenty servants, six gardeners, and one childhood love of mine, Christopher. Although he is five years older than I am, our love surpassed it. Father does not of our relationship. The consequences would be severe if he ever found out.

Every Saturday, Christopher and I would meet under the big oak tree near the wood. There he would hold my boy close to his and stroke my hair. I would hum or recite a poem.
"Em", he would usually say,"When you are of age, one day I will march into your father's study and ask for your hand." At times I wish it were that simple.

Father had called me for tea one day, a very rare occasion, and told me there was someone willing to marry me. I was shocked. Had Christopher asked my father? Of course the Christopher I know is not an imbecile. The man's name was Joel Samuel. He was very wealthy and said he would provide a safe home for me.
"I refuse!"I cried, my face burning."I will not marry him!"
"Why not, dear? He is wealthy and will give you everything you want after I am gone. It may take some time but eventually you may grow to love him."
"I am already in love." I said with tears streaming down my face.
"With whom?"
"Christopher!"

Father looked outraged. His face turned red and purple.
"Christopher - the servant boy? No daughter of mine is going to be in love with someone out of her league!" He knocked the tea table over and walked over to me-- with fury in his eyes.
"I do not care what you think of him! One day, he and I will run away!
"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!", Father shouted. I ran. Half blinded by my tears and almost deaf from my anger, I managed to hear him yell: " He won't be here for long!"

I ran out to the oak tree and cried. I will never marry that man! I sat under the tree until the moon came out. Christopher's timing was impeccable. I told him what had happened with Father and I. He held in his arms and let my cry. He stroked my hair and hummed a lullaby. What would I do if I didn't have him in my life?

I woke up alone under our tree. I walked back to my father's mansion in dismay. I walked to the kitchen door, in the back of the house, to avoid passing my father's study. All the sudden I heard a crash of dishes and chairs. The door flung open with two men holding on to Christopher.
"Where are you taking him?", I yelled at them. No one answered. I ran toward them but was caught by a servant.Christopher yelled back not to follow him. I shook myself loose from the grasp of the servant and ran to my father's study. He was not there. I looked out the window to see where those people where taking Christopher. They moved toward the wood.

I ran as fast and silently as I could behind them. They went very deep into the forest-- I began to worry if I would get lost. The sky turned grey and the air felt cold and gloomy. I followed further until they came to a stop. I hid behind a tree to see what was happening. Father was there... his face was red with anger.
"Do you or do you not have a relationship with my daughter?", he yelled.
"I do." Christopher said calmly."There is nothing in this world that could keep me from loving her!"
"How long has this been going on?"
"Since the day I came here; ten years ago."
"Leave now and never come back. Your life may be spared."
"Never!"
"I will not have you ruin my daughter's life!"
"I could say the same to you, sir!"
Thunder began to crack and lightening shot from the sky. Another crack came but it was not thunder. It was a gun. Christopher fell to his knees.

"No!" I ran from my hiding place. Every head turned. I ran to his side as he slowly laid on the ground. It began to rain.
" I told you not to follow me!", he said angrily.
"There is nothing in this world that could keep me from you." , I said with tears in my eyes. " What will I do without you?"
"Em, I will live on in you, like your mother." Thunder cracked. He began to close his eyes.

With his last breathe he said:" I love you Emily. Please do no cry. For me." This time I held him and stroked his hair. The rain poured down heavily as I watched him die in my arms.

end~

Hope you enjoyed it^_^


Could have been better if you lengthened everything out. Cramming all that information into a small, what is it, three sentenced paragraph, is not a smart idea to do when writing. I can't tell each character apart, for one, in the paragraph, so I decided to skip it, it being annoying with the crammed in information.

I could say much more, but I'd be being rude, and I don't mind doing that, but I have a feeling others would mind, if you want my edits and critique just say so. But the plot wasn't that bad, but it would have been way better with it all spaced out and not crammed together.
 
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 1:39 am
un like the person above me! (still much love for ya dude xD)
i think it was all well done and better then anything i can do. i am young but i think my opinoin still counts biggrin
i would like to point out thow that this is like allot of the crap i have to read in school. it is still very good but its like allot of love storys and maby should have had a better twist to it?
all in all i liked it doo! much love to ya! heart  

kedamono777


UC Poika

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:15 am
Except for the typo's in the beginning I loked it. But it was just the beginning. I want more!!!! Where the heck is Paul Harvey I want the rest of the story. Please?  
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