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 Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:41 pm
The rules are simple.
1# Just keep posting jokes!
2# PG 13 material only (but artistic licence allowed)
3# Every 50th post will win 5000 gold!
4# Every 100th post will win 10000 gold!! (101th 5000)
5# If I realy like your joke I may give you gold anyway
6# I reserve the right to end this offer or change the offer if i start to go bankrupt! (il give notice if that happens!)
7# No rasist or sexsist jokes, I dont want any one offended!
8# No chicken jokes unless there realy realy good!!
9# You may only post a maximum of two posts in a row
10# No bumping without joke. such posts will be removed
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Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:44 pm
Il start us of
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb
1 but the light bulb must realy want to change. *cringe*
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:19 am
what do u call an empty parrot cage?
a polygon (i kno, i kno... its total cake but its the only pg13 joke i kno! sweatdrop )
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:36 am
babyshinobi: Not bad! didnt stink as bad as mine!!
Why did Darth feel naked?
Because his thread droped!! BOOM BOOM!!!
Nah seriously I shouldnt give up yet its only been running 10 hours!
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 9:52 am
An old computer joke.
What does UART stand for anyway?
It stands for UART gettin' online.
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:57 pm
A man walks into a inn and puts a box on the bar "Whats that?" asks the inn keeper. The man opens the box and takes out a tiny piano and a man about 12" tall who sits down on a match box and proceeds to play the most beautiful concherto the inn keeper has ever heard!
"Thats the most amazing thing Ive ever seen in my life!" says the inn keeper. "Where did you get it?"
The man replies "I found a magic lamp! The Djin inside will grant any wish you ask for"
"OH my word!" answer the keeper "Can I have a go!?"
"Sure" say the man, and hands over lamp. the bar man rubs and out pops the Djin "what is your command oh master?" he asks.
"Id like a million bucks!" asks keep. suddenly the room is ram packed with rabits and the Djin promptly vanishes. "What the hell is this?" the inn keeper asks the man.
"Sorry" replies the man "I forgot to mention he's a bit hard of hearing. You dont realy think I asked for a 12" pianist do you?!"
...............MWA MWA mwa!!!!!!
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:13 pm
A traveling salesman's car broke down on a deserted road. He had noticed a farm house a ways back and decided to seek help from the farmer. When he got there, the farmer informed him that the nearest garage wouldn't open til morning but he was welcome to spend the night.
That evening, the salesman noticed the strangest thing. In the corner of the room, a three-legged pig was reclining on a blanket. And every so often the farmer would call the pig over to him and pet him and give him little piggy snacks.
Bursting with curiousity, the salesman asked of the farmer, "May I ask what is going on with that pig? And if I may be so bold, what happened to his fourth leg?:
The farmer, clearly pleased to be able to tell his story, informed the salesman. "Why, that pig is special! Why, he saved my life two times!
The first time, I was out plowing in the field and my tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. Why, that pig dug the dirt out from under me, pulled me out by my collar with his teeth, than went and got the wife from the house.
The second time, the wife and I was sleeping soundly when that wonderful pig starting squealing to wake the dead. When I got up to see what was going on, I saw that the house was ablaze. I was then able to put out the fire! Why, not only did that pig save my life and that of my family's but he saved my house as well!!!!"
The salesman was stunned, and proclaimed that the pig was indeed special. "But, that doesn't explain why he only has three legs..."
The farmer looked at him and exclaimed, "Why, a pig that special, you wouldn't expect me to eat him all at once, now would you?"
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Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2009 10:52 pm
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:38 pm
Why was the blond reaching behind the TV and circling all the empty jack outlets and plugging and unplugging the ones that were in use?
She was trying to "turn it on."
eek mrgreen rofl pirate 4laugh
Well the Emotes liked it.... most of them anyways
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Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:46 pm
If its sexual harassment when a man talks nasty to a woman, what is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$2.99 a minute
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Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:14 pm
Please correct me if this isn't PG-13, but I'm pretty sure it is.
Its a long one.
A new year starts and all the freshmen students are arriving and meeting they're dorm mates for the first time in dorm #B2 is a young intelligent diligent student by the name of Al Gore and his Studly dorm mate Bill Clinton, as the semesters go by the two become good friends and the regular rules are applied.
Bill says "If there's a white sock on the door knob it means I'm busy, so if you wouldn't mind wandering around for a couple of hours that would be great."
As it turns out every other day there's a white sock on the knob and Al is forced to take many lonely walks, after every walk as he returns he always seems to catch Bill's "study" partners leaving and every night its a different partner. so one day Al asks, "Bill how do you do it? how are you able to get so much Tail and with all manner of women? I've tried and tried and failed everytime!"
Bill Answers, "Its an old Idaho secret, the next time you go out on the hunt, take one of these" Bill thrusts a large potato into Al's hand, "And shove it down your pants! Then you just gotta work the room till you get a bite and then reel her in." He says with great self pleasure.
So the very next day Al goes out with Bill and they split up for the night, Bill says he'll go to the girl's house to play so Al can bring whoever he meets back to they're place.
Around 2 am Bill is on his way home after a night of make believe farm yard fun, and he bumps into a a depressed looking Al just wandering away from the Bar they both went to hours ago, "Whats up Al?" Bill asks
Al replies, "I don't understand, I did everything you said! But the response was even worse this time!"
"You used the potato right?" Bill asks
"Yeah! Look its right there!"
"Oh Al," Bill says shaking his head, "you're supposed to put it in the front!"
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 8:04 am
How did Piscataway, NJ get it's name?
Long ago, two Indians were walking the forest when one needed to urinate. He looked around for a place to do it when the other Indian points and says,
"Piss that'a way."
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Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2009 2:23 pm
News flash!: A scientist has just invented a new sports bra that compleatly stops a womens breasts from bounsing up and down when she runs and prevents her nipples from tenting when its cold!
in an unpresidented development his sponsers have beaten the living daylights out of him
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:01 pm
What does a ghost do in the night?
BUMP
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Posted: Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:06 pm
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub I'm drowning!
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