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Just something my friend Lyn and I write on FanFiction.
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1. Throwing Plushies, Floating Notebooks
"Dude!" Reneey said into her cell phone at twelve AM while watching Death Note along with her best friend, Lyn, who was several states away in Tennessee.
"Remind me again why I'm watching anime shows instead of washing dishes or feeding cats or addressing envelopes or one of the million other things I should be doing?" Lyn's voice asked through the phone, followed by a heavy sigh.
"We need to plot ways to kill L in front of him just to creep him out!" Reneey said with a giggle as she hugged her L plushie.
"You're forgetting, Rea: anime show," Lyn said, rolling her green eyes and cracking her neck. "Argh, all this staying up until time to get up crap is messing with my head... and my coordination skills..."
"Still, you are so lucky this is the second episode. If it was like the eighteenth, you would be lost."
"Because I wouldn't be already if it weren't for your random recapping and spewing of info and the fact that you sent me seven freaking episodes by now..."
"Eh, it works out either way. Hmm... Light's hair is orange... Well, it looks orange."
"I can't tell if it's supposed to be blond or brown... If it's blond, he so deserves to be kicked. No evil leader of the world or whatever shall ever be BLOND."
"Eh, who knows? But all I know is that L Lw... Law... However you pronounce his last name and Light will not die," Reneey hmphed.
"L Lawliet and Light Yagami," Lyn reeled off instantly. She paused for a second, laughed, and asked, "How sad is it that I know their names better than the obsessed fangirl?"
"I know their names, I just can't pronounce them," Reneey said, rolling her almond eyes.
"Not my fault you have a Russian accent," Lyn shot back. "Or a Uzbekistani accent... or whatever. I have an accent, too... It's just that Southern accents aren't as hard to get rid of or as impairing to everyday speech."
"Well, L is part Russian, English, German, and you have to guess between Italian or French, and he has no accent!"
"Again.. anime character. Don't care. The only anime character I care about is Seto Kaiba. Well, and the annoying cliche anime girls like Tea and Misa. Them I just wanna push off the nearest skyscraper, though."
"I wanna have a shinigami, and it will not look ugly."
"Hate to break it to you, hon, but I think they're all ugly."
"Even Rem looks ugly!"
"I think that might have something to do with the whole death god thing, Rea..."
"... I wanna steal Ryuk's earring..."
"You would."
"Don't you wanna steal it?"
"A strange looking earring from a death god? Gee, lemme think about that for a second... Hmm... No freaking way?"
"Hmm, know what?"
"What's that?"
"I wanna go up to random notebooks and put down random names and see if anyone dies just so I can be a suspect of L and then I can kill him by annoying him to death!"
There was a long silence following this statement. Then Lyn finally said slowly, "Uh... okay. Good luck with that. And why do you wanna kill the anime guy you like again?"
"I dunno, not like kill kill kill him, just till he cracks."
"... So you don't wanna kill him, just drive him crazy. That's so much better, Rea."
"Yes! Besides, he's already an insomniac, egotistical detective! Won't be that hard for a loco loony!"
"Hey, I'm an insomniac, thank you, and I am nowhere near going crazy. I'm just pleasantly insane. There's a huge difference, I'll have you know!"
"I'm an insomniac, too," Reneey mumbled. "But he only gets an hour or two of sleep like every three days or a week..."
Lyn chuckled a little madly, then. "I had two hours' sleep last night. And none the night before."
"Have about no sleep for a damn week?"
"Mm, the longest I've ever actually gone without sleeping is three days... Well, four days and three nights... but whatever..."
"L went a week, and he still did cases... no ******** idea how."
"Presumably caffeine and sugar. Caffeine and sugar are my friiieeends," Lyn added with a slightly insane laugh.
"I wonder if..." Reneey tapped her bottom lip with her finger.
Lyn's eyes narrowed. "Reneey, you better not be thinking what I think you're thinking. And I should kick myself for uttering a sentence so insane, but whatever. I still mean it!"
"No I mean if we got sent into it, found the Death Note, and then wrote down the name of someone from our world, would it work?"
Lyn blinked. "That's actually a good question, though I wouldn't want to test it. I mean, seriously, you really wanna be responsible if it DID and somebody died?"
"And then that person can't go to heaven or hell," Reneey mumbled.
"If you think about it, that's like... worse than murder. In a lot of ways."
"They turn into nothing, sort of like when a shinigami dies."
"Which would be precisely the point, hon," Lyn said, rolling her eyes.
Wait, do you know how to kill a shinigami?"
"No. But I know they can die, because I remember reading on the internet about some shinigami who died who Rem got another Death Note from or something..."
"Yes, but do you know how to kill them?"
"I just said no, idget! What's it matter, anyway?"
"All right, you see, a shinigami can't save the lives of people. If they do, the human that they save will get a longer life and the shinigami will turn into nothing. It matters a lot because Rem kills L!"
"... Shinigami dying because they can't save people has something to do with Rem killing L?"
"Yes! Because Rem told Light that if anything happens to Misa, she will kill Light, and Misa was in danger, and she had to be out of danger if L is killed! So we need to find a way to keep -- even though I will cut my tongue out after I say this -- Misa-b***h safe and somehow kill Rem."
"... Why the crap are people always protective of the stupid evil stereotypical anime girls?"
"Because even though we hate it, to keep L alive, we need to do so," Reneey mumbled. "God, that felt like acid..."
Lyn sighed and came back with a list: "One, I wasn't talking about you; I was talking about Rem. Two, you're way too obsessive about an anime guy who's like eight years older than us. And three... when were you dropping acid!?"
"When I unleashed my acid fetish," Reneey said sarcastically.
"Ohmygosh Reneeh the Rowdy just used sarcasm! ... Excuse me while I go have a heart attack and die now."
"... I use sarcasm, just not as much as you do."
"Eh, I probably overuse sarcasm, really. But I can't help it -- it's too much fun!"
"I overdose on sado-masochism," Reneey grumbled.
"I didn't say overdose, I said overuse. It's impossible to overdose on sarcasm, trust me. I would have by now."
"Hey! What the ********!?" Reneey snapped.
"What?" Lyn asked, sounding confused. "I didn't even take a jab at L or anything, what the crap's the matter with you?"
"The ending song! It's ******** shortened!" Reneey snapped. "THEY CAN'T SHORTEN THE THEME SONG!"
"Dude, Rea, they shortened Charmed's theme song. Which was an awesome song and should be illegal. I blame stupid commercial people who need more air time."
"TATU did their theme song... the long version..."
"It was the same theme song... just clipped and crap..."
"Argh! I'll ******** throw my L plushie at the screen! But I can't because it's L... Hmm... Hey, Lynni?"
"Yeah?" Lyn half sighed in response.
"Who to throw: Rem, Ryuk, Misa, or the annoying Light's sister?"
Lyn laughed. "You have to ask? When in doubt, throw the stereotypical anime girl."
"Which one? Misa or the annoying sister?"
"The annoying stereotypical anime girl who is also blonde goes first in line."
"All right... on three!"
"UNO!" Lyn announced in Spanish, throwing a deck of Uno cards in the air and scaring her cat until he ran out of the room. "Whoops. Sorry, Leo."
"BLAST OFF!" Reneey threw the Misa-b***h plushie at the TV screen. "And bulls eye!"
Lyn pretended to gasp. "You mean you actually threw something and are suddenly capable of hitting the broad side of a barn!? ... Jeez, this'll be my second death by heart attack tonight, Rea!"
"I swear I don't have the Death Note! I swear!" Reneey giggled.
You could hear Lyn's grin in her voice as she declared, "Ah, but I think you do! I so totally accuse you of trying to do me in just now!"
"No! I swear I so totally do --" Reneey stopped in mid sentence and snapped, "Go away, Starlight! NO, YOU CANNOT HAVE YELLOW APPLES!" Reneey giggled again. "And that was totally not my shinigami."
"A shinigami named Starlight?" Lyn choked out between laughs. "Wow. That's a nice one, Rea."
"Whaaatt? I ran out of names that I can pronounce!" Reneey said, pouting. "Hey, Lynni..."
Lyn finally managed to get her laughter under control and blew back a strand of hair that had fallen out of the jaw clasp on the back of her head and into her face. "Yeah?"
"... Is your TV glowing... green...?"
Lyn blinked and looked at her TV. "... Uh... some... kind of... alert... thing... maybe...?"
"... I swear my L plushie is grinning at me!"
"... Right... I think we're both very sleep deprived and stuff. We should.. uh... go get caffeine. Yeah."
"But it's grinning! L DOES NOT GRIN!" Reneey had fear in her voice. "What work of Satan is this!?"
"Ohmygosh. The same work of Satan as these new stupid Saturday morning cartoons!?" Lyn demanded in mock fear. Of course, that was only to cover up the fact that she was mildly freaked out, herself.
"... No! No! Not now!" Reneey twitched. "We can't go in while I have no eyeliner on!"
"... We are not getting sucked into a TV," Lyn said firmly, though she suddenly felt rooted to the spot. "Definitely not. That only happens in fanfics. And I'm just wearing a camisole and these freaking short gym shorts, dadburn it!"
"Then change! Besides, I wanna grab my eyeliner and cell phones and crap!" Reneey said as she put the cell phone on speaker.
"WE ARE NOT GETTING SUCKED INTO AN ANIME SHOW!" Lyn persisted, yelling into her Bluetooth headset now, but scrambling through her drawers for a pair of jeans, anyway.
"Well, tha -- OW, ******** HELL!" Reneey yelled as she tripped over something. "... Hey, guess what, Lyn?"
"Do I wanna know?"
"I found Mr. Dagger!" Reneey said cheerfully. "But it's sort of in my thumb..."
Lyn face-palmed, hitting herself in the head with her jeans, cell phone and keys all at the same time. "Reneey! When will you learn to keep sharp objects out of places you might get hurt with them!?"
"Well, pinky-dagger almost impaled me in my ribs once," Reneey mumbled.
"What idget bought you weapons, I'll never know," Lyn muttered, thinking about it for a second before vaulting across her bed and grabbing her pocketknife off of her bedside table. She was being an idiot, she knew it... Reneey and her paranoia... right?
"Hey, but good news!"
"What, you haven't killed yourself yet?"
"Yes and no, we would be new to Death Note, meaning that they'd have no files on us."
"For the last time, we're not getting sucked into an anime show!"
"Just saying, which makes L all the more easier to get."
"And makes him all the more paranoid because he won't be able to find out anything about us. ... What the crap am I saying!? Now I'm going along with your delusions!"
"Right, anyway, in three..."
"What in three!?" Lyn demanded sharply.
"Two..."
"WAIT, WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"
"ONE!"
...
...
...
"Hey, nothing happened!"
"Well, what were you expecting to happen?" Lyn asked, her voice lowering considerably in volume now. "I mean, really, Rea."
"I dunno... kaboom, bam, bash in Death Note world..."
"That only happens in dreams and fanfictions."
"Who knows?" Reneey asked, yawning. "Anyway, I'm going to bed before my mom really kills me."
"Urgh... I still have a ton of things to do," Lyn complained.
"Just go to sleep."
"True. Procrastination is a teenager's best friend. Procrastinators of the world, unite! ... Tomorrow," Lyn muttered, chuckling at herself for being silly as she half collapsed onto her bed, still holding her cell phone and pocketknife.
"... So freaking tired," Reneey yawned. "So happy I have L here, 'cause I just saw three horror movies before Death Note."
"You call me at five AM again and I'll crucify you... just FYI..."
"Meaning?"
"... Meaning just don't do it, Rea," Lyn murmured sleepily.
"All right, night," Reneey said as she hung up and fell asleep.
"Night," Lyn muttered into the headset as she turned it off. She was already asleep by the time her hand dropped back onto her sheets.
--
"Umm... ******** off," mumbled Reneey.
"Uhh, hello?" Something shook her.
"Lynni, go away! I don't wanna go to the dentist!" snapped Reneey as she turned over.
"... Um, miss? You're asleep on the sidewalk..."
Reneey slowly opened her eyes. "******** wake me up again and I'll --" She stopped mid-sentence. Hovering over her was a death note... and then she looked straight ahead and saw...
Oh, my. ********. s**t.
"Um, hello. You sorta just passed out on the street," said the man's voice.
Holy ********, that's L! ... Wait, death note... Oh, crap! Reneey got up and dusted herself off.
"Right, well, thanks." She laughed nervously. All right, Reneey, keep ya damn mouth shut!
"I'm Ryuuzaki, do you need any help?"
"No, I don't, thanks. I'm Reneey Umbra."
"Well, nice meeting you," L said as he continued on walking. That's strange, I haven't seen her before...
I'm already a suspect in his eyes, aren't I? Reneey sweatdropped. But why didn't he see the death note? And where's Lynni?
--
"So, when can I get my apples?" Ryuk asked. Light sighed and shook his head, then nearly tripped over something... or someone.
"Agh!" Lyn hissed, rolling over with her eyes screwed shut and one arm wrapping protectively around her side, which had just been struck by something hard. "Leo, so help me, if you knocked my trig book down and almost broke my ribs again, I'll skin you alive..."
"Leo?" Light repeated, blinking, as he kneeled down. "Um, hello? Miss?"
Lyn's eyes shot open at the sound of a male voice. And the first thing she saw was some guy's face not a foot away from hers. Needless to say, that shocked her quite a bit, and, well, Lyn was quite unpredictable when caught off guard like that. So, naturally, she did the first thing that came reflexively -- yelled "HOLYFREAKINGCRAP!" and punched him, hard. Her green eyes were wide and her dark brown hair was half falling into her face as she backed away quickly and demanded, "WHO THE CRAP ARE YOU AND WHERE IN HEAVEN'S NAME DID YOU COME FROM!?"
Light stumbled back a few steps, then smirked. "You know, this city could use some girls like you." He touched his cheek. "Then again, most don't punch the person that almost saved them; instead, they say thank you."
Lyn stared at him confusedly for a second, then took in her surroundings. If it were possible, her eyes only went wider. "Screw who are you -- where am I!?"
Light blinked. "In Japan. I haven't seen you around here before; are you new?"
"Japan," Lyn repeated tonelessly, looking around slowly and then back to him. It was hard to keep the surprise out of her eyes, then; that was... but no, there was no way that was who she thought it was. But then again, how was she in Japan...?
"Right, of course, in Japan," Lyn said suddenly, shaking her hair back out of her face and trying to look less conspicuous, which was hard to do when she currently felt like she was only half dressed. This was so the last time she ever slept in gym shorts. "I meant, where specifically?" she improvised on the spot, raising her eyebrows and trying hard to look concerned. "I must've gotten lost somehow -- I have this bad habit of sleepwalking, sometimes."
It was true enough. Lyn did sleepwalk sometimes, and she was definitely very, very lost.
Reneey took the death note that was floating above her. "Why couldn't he see this? Why could I? How do I know that? And where is my shinigami!?" Reneey whispered angrily. "But... why is the cover... green? The covers can be black, red, or white, but not green..."
She took out her cell and text messaged Lyn. She tried to keep it simple, because something told her that L was watching -- she just prayed that Lyn would get the message behind it.
Yo, ya here yet?
Independence Day by Martina McBride rang out from Lyn's cell phone, and her expression lightened as she pulled the mirrored purple Sony Ericsson from her pocket. A crease appeared between her eyebrows at the message, though. "Freaking idget, Rea," she muttered to herself, shooting a suspicious glance at Light from beneath her eyelashes before texting back.
Understatement of the year. Tell me I've been sleepwalking again.
Reneey let out a relieved sigh. Yes you have been sleepwalking again, anyway where are you at?
"Well, are you hurt?" Light asked slowly.
Lyn got Reneey's second message and typed back No clue, but I think I've lost my mind... before looking back to Light.
"No, I don't think so," she answered, then grinned crookedly. "Sorry for hitting you, by the way. You just kinda surprised me, is all."
"Right, well I'll be going now -- bye." Light walked off with Ryuk behind him.
Hey lynni, awsome fact, birds have eyes Reneey underlined the last three words and sent it to Lyn. Since when the hell did I become smrt? ... Or at least somewhat smart...
"Okay, I'm losing my mind, but that doesn't mean I have to freak out," Lyn muttered to herself as she retrieved her keys and her pocketknife from the ground. "I can totally figure out where I am... by reading random signs in Kanji... which I know about three words of... Yeah, that'll help..."
Sighing exasperatedly, she opened her phone and stared at the new message from Reneey. Of course, she figured out the meaning -- Reneey was being watched, probably by L if this really was the Death Note world (not that Lyn was actually accepting that explanation yet) but... birds? What the crap was Reneey smoking?
Thanks, Captain Obvious. So do Texans, but they don't have to send notices about it.
Okay, I'm starting to be afraid now. I actually get what Texans means... and I never get Lynni's clues! ... I'm afraid now... Reneey blinked as she texted back, Right well wanna go to the movies in 5?
Lyn stared at the message when she got it, glared at the phone, and then turned on the caps lock. WANNA HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHERE THE CRAP I AM!?
Hmmm hey did you know that theres a dance that goes turn right, then left, then do four rights and a left? Reneey texted back.
Lyn shook her head but began walking in that direction as she typed: Y'know, this is really no time to be doing the hokey pokey...
"Boo!" Reneey said, grinning, as she bear hugged her. "Yay! We finally meet!"
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