Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hello everybody. I've been gone for a long while, but in that time, I've been doing alot of soul searching, looking for some sense of self,trying to deal with life, blah blah blah. You've probably heard this line somewhere or whatnot.
Anyway, when I went to college this year, still depressed, self-loathing and angry at a shitty world, I've read a book, and it emphasizes inner-dialouge. Basically, talking to yourself, but in your head, and while I still feel depressed alot, I myself get a wider view on things in a way, and can move through my depression a little easier than before.
I just thought maybe I could possibly help anybody else, by just mentioning this.
Now, you can say ANYTHING you pretty much want, so long as you're polite, and if you disagree with me, by all means do so. The world is a shitty place indeed, not all sunshine and rainbows, (wouldn't want it to be, we need rain occasionally) but maybe this could help out somewhat if you just need either something to read, or want something to think about.
The three main things I want to talk about, are called, Inner-Critic, Inner-Defender, and Inner-Guide.

Inner-Critic is basically the inner voice that bashes us whenever things go to hell. It sounds much like parent or authority figures who would judge and criticize for a great deal of things.
Example: Your lover leaves you without a word of explanation and immediately, you place all blame on yourself, saying it's your fault, you're a lousy person, and you don't deserve them because of some reason.

Inner-Defender is when you place blame with others if something goes wrong, like a self-protecting way. Kind of like our own voice when we were confused or scared, trying to avoid criticism, punishment, or beatings.
Example: Your work partner's late with their half of a project, they show up with it half-assed, and your teacher busts you both despite the other being at fault, even going so far as to say you share the blame too.

Inner-Guide looks at both sides of the story and simply asks, "Ok, where did I go wrong, and how can I get my s**t together?" "What do I need to do to avoid this same problem?" It avoids the problems of both the critic and defender. The critic only bashes you down, destroying your belief in yourself, and the defender blinds you from wanting to have a solution as best you can get (since all situations are different). And most of all, it shows to not repeat things that don't work if they are used over and over.

Example (this is my first epiphany): Your mother calls you a spoiled rotten brat over a small thing, and while you're not yelling, you still get cussed out. You could just believe what she says and increase your own self-loathing, you could scream in her face and both or one of you end up saying or doing something you'll regret. OR you stay patient and keep your cool. Then because you keep your cool, later, believe it or not, you get an apology OR you get the satisfaction knowing that you were calm in the face of fire.

Yes, that is me, albiet 2 years younger. And that's good for you to stand up for yourself, and I did get hurt from mine's. And frm the things I described, you can get a bigger picture on things rather than being narrowminded like your father is.
But above all
"Be truest to thyself"

Thank you for caring, and I'm glad that I'm able to do SOME good. As for my father well, he passed away a LONG time ago... and my mother is the one who gives me the most s**t. Earlier, she gives me a bullshit reason saying that she was hard on me (meaning she would kick the crap out of me, and yet RARELY yell at my other siblings) to make me strong, and I grew strong on my own, all she did was just build my anger, hatred, self-loathing, and such... And I'm sorry that you got hurt as well, but I learned that "S!@# happens" and no matter how badly we want things to have been different, they already happened. And all we can do is what we have been given. *gives you tissue*
As a great man once said, "This too shall pass in time"

You are correct, and thank you for saying I'm your online hero, I'm flattered (not sarcastic). I think maybe sometimes those who suffer to the best of us, it enables us to understand others pain and can provide some kind of comfort, or at least show that they're not alone and others understand. "One-X" by Three Days Grace is a good example in my opinion of the general idea, with these lyrics"
"We are the one's, we get knocked down, we get back up, and stand above the crowd, we are One."

Thank you. And I like One-X best. You're rather interesting too, for being able to stay sane long enough to not stoop down to crueler peoples levels or shoot up people.

What I meant by staying sane, was not becoming what you hate, or becoming so imbued with rage that you kill or hurt people who have nothing to do with your pain, who don't deserve it.

I understand, I just was expanding on the issue, my apologies. And it's not stupid, in a way it makes alot of sense. Sorry if I made you depressed...

Well you've got a right to be depressed.