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This was sent to me by a friend. It speaks the truth. XD
Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better Than Kirk
Has a bigger spaceship, which can separate into two also-bigger spaceships.
Quotes Shakespeare all the time. Hell, even the ability to speak without pausing every two to three seconds puts him above Kirk
Was turned into a Borg. Borg are cool.
Remained in command of his Enterprise for well over seven years. Kirk didn't even finish his first five-year mission.
Can say "Make it so" in 43 different inflections in over six million forms of communication. (Including Ainu)
Picard knows how to make a starship last. He only lost one, and that was when he wasn’t aboard (the Stargazer doesn't count). Kirk has gone through 3.
He actually knows how to use a comma.
Anything Picard says sounds meaningful and profound. This is the exact opposite on Kirk's effect on words.
Isn't a walking sexual harassment suit. Hiring Picard instead of a skirt-chaser like Kirk is estimated to have saved the Federation 23 billion credits worth of legal fees and hush money paid to the mothers of illegitimate children spread out across hundreds of star systems.
Has an annoying techno song composed totally of his lines. Then someone took the time to make a music video by finding the scenes the lines were from, and editing them to fit the song. Crazy.
Wasn't made an admiral. Kirk told him not to let Starfleet promote him, and he didn't. Therefore Picard is better.
Wore a red shirt and stayed alive through every episode.
Picard's ship is way bigger. And has a cooler looking saucer section.
Picard would never, ever tell his fans to GET A LIFE!
Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.
Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from 1950s period dramas.
Picard's bridge crew doesn't miss 75% of the episodes.
His hand gestures just kick-a**.
Picard's main bridge doesn't look like something out of the Teletubbies.
Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 5 or 6 lines.
Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.
Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.
Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
Picard has so much backbone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship only to have it get destroyed, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.
Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.
Three words: seven whole seasons.
Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive," a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what complete shambles in relations that resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.
The only way Picard would allow Tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.
Picard never met Joan Collins.
Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?
Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle a guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.
Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.
Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
Picard doesn't need hair, real or not.
Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in gogo boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
If their situations were reversed, Kirk would nail Lwaxana Troi (or Deanna for that matter). Picard has standards.
Picard has a real bar aboard his ship.
Picard would never have let his second in command irradiate himself in the engine room.
While Kirk did make most of the decisions aboard his ship, this was only because advice from his crew was almost exclusively limited to "That's illogical Captain," "You cannae change the laws of physics," "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim," "It's life, but not as we know it" and "Klingons on the starboard bow." Small wonder really.
Unlike Kirk, Picard's middle name doesn't sound like an infectious disease.
You'd never have to clean Picard's semen out of the holodeck after he'd used it.
Picard has only stooped to the dire act of feigning illness to attract a guard's attention once.
Kirk has to fight Klingons to get his way. Picard only has to tell them what to do.
Picard would never wear eye makeup. Never.
Picard has a small, convenient hands-free communicator, not a Fisher
Price spin-whizz baby toy.
Picard would never let himself get turned into a woman.
Picard and his crew used to solve a week's mystery in 44 minutes flat. Kirk used to take 50 plus.
Picard never has to sign an Etcha-Sketch attendance register kept by Yeomans with hair like a helter-skelter killer.
Picard never cries in front of his crew when one of them gets killed.
Picard never has pretentious episode titles like, "For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky".
Picard's engineers never lie to him about how long it takes to fix something, because no one, not even Starfleet engineers, mess with Picard.
Despite being French, Picard can speak English like a well-trained articulate thespian from Yorkshire.
Picard chews out Klingons. Kirk chews on Klingons.
Picard can climb rocks without falling off.
Geordi LaForge would never talk to a computer mouse.
Picard's uniform fits. Particularly around the midriff.
Picard had a large serrated knife pushed into his back, through his heart and out his chest... and he just laughed at it!!
Picard blows up another starship more than once a season.
Picard doesn't give his enemy detailed technical drawings of his ship to study.
Picard never has to put bits of Lego into his computers to make them work.
Picard made sure all the beds in his sickbay looked even more uncomfortable than Kirk's so he'd have fewer slackers.
Picard's phaser fires a burst of lethal energy capable of vaporizing a person. It does not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.
Women chase Picard. Kirk has to go out and bag his.
Picard never needs a pessimistic Scot to beam him out of the crap when things get ugly.
When Picard has a holiday he goes home, gets drunk and brawls. Kirk sits at a campfire toasting marshmallows while singing "Row row row your
boat".
Picard drank Romulan ale and didn't even flinch. Much.
Picard discovered new civilizations, Kirk discovered he had new syphilizations.
The Klingons in Kirk's day were real wusses.
Picard doesn't need to jump through big stone doughnuts to travel in time.
Picard has only ever gone crazy once, and then he did something really cool like draw a smiley face in the cloud emanating from a warp core explosion.
Picard would never let his son get killed by Klingons.
If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.
Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked around Sherwood Forest. Kirk has no sense of humor.
How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk?
If Kirk was captain when Tasha Yar died, he would have tried to do her corpse.
Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert, except for that time he met Kirk.
Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.
Picard is too slim to require a Kellogg’s All Bran diet, and too dignified to turn up in an ad for such things.
Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound.
Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie.
Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.
Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.
Picard admitted he had a hair problem, and moreover used it to his great advantage.
Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship, Enterprise." Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?
If Q had met Kirk instead of Picard he would have destroyed humanity before Kirk got two words out.
Picard doesn't need glasses to read something on a control console like Kirk.
Picard actually has a house to go to.
Picard's chief of engineering doesn't say: I cannae change the laws of physics. Instead, he does.
Picard is proud to be bald, Kirk wears a toupée and won't admit it.
Picard was also Capt. Ahab in a past life.
Picard has gold models of every Enterprise in his ready room.
When Picard got another Enterprise, it wasn't an old ship with a new number, it was even MORE BADASS THAN THE OLD ONE!
Picard knows how to beat a subspace weapon, Kirk would try to engage it in fisticuffs.
Picard keeps a rare and exotic lionfish as a pet in his ready room. Kirk didn't even HAVE a ready room!
Kirk's show led to the first interracial kiss on network TV, but Picard's show eventually led to the first lesbian kiss on network TV. Now be honest: which would you rather see?
Picard has his own holiday.
Picard's head of security has a turtle glued to his head. Kirk's security officers die every episode.
On Earth, Picard has a mansion. Kirk only has a lowly aluminum oven to sleep in.
Picard was tortured by Cardassians and didn't even flinch. Much.
Picard was able to make it out of Generations alive.
Picard can sing the alphabet really well. And he has the balls to do it on the bridge.
His mirror Universe counterpart watches over Terran slaves and exterminated the Ferengi.
The aliens that he, as well as the two captains that came after him have encountered look like creatures that could scare little children, Kirk meets men in costumes, not even with scary makeup.
Picard never had to wear a girdle.
Picards shiny dome can cause such a concentrated blast of light that it would wipe out the Enterprise...both Enterprises...without hesitation.
Picard once used his spaceship to surf.
Picard does the Disney Point. And when he does, it starts the warp engines.
If Kirk had made Wesley Crusher a bridge officer, people would have hated him by association. Picard gets a pass because he's so much better.
Picard would have been able to convince everyone there really was a monster on the wing, would have known what really happened in the woods with the bandit and the couple, and would have answered all those 911 calls himself.
When they each worked with Spock, Picard accomplished as much in two episodes (actually more like one episode plus one extra scene) as Kirk typically did in a full season.
Picard looks like a nice old man, while Kirk looks like he's going to steal your wallet.
Picard has a car.
Picard knows that the line must be drawn here!
Picard has met Kirk, Sisko, and Janeway. Kirk's got Picard, and... Pike.
Picard knows Janeway's got a gun.
Picard's first officer can have a beard without being evil.
Picard never took a tribble shower.
Picard can learn how to play unknown musical instruments by getting zapped by an alien probe. I'd like to see Kirk pull that one off.
When Picard goes back in time, he actually meets important people. The best Kirk ever managed was a girl who had to die so she wouldn't be important.
Picard's bartender is hundreds of years old and was Whoopi Goldberg.
Kirk doesn't seem to even have a bar.
Picard's second in command got his own brand new starship, Kirk's just got hand-me-downs.
Picard's chief engineer was blind and still kicked more a** in one episode than Kirk's could in a season.
Picard's ship reached the edge of the universe, Kirk's was only able to reach the edge of his own galaxy, pathetic.
Picard has the Borg to deal with, Kirk has space herpes.
Picard made Chuck Norris go deaf for a brief amount of time simply by speaking in his glorious accent.
When Kirk kills someone with a phaser, they just vanish. When Picard kills someone with a phaser, cool s**t happens.
When Kirk met a Q, he was like "Oh no, how can I defeat him?" When Picard met one, he was like "You are so ANNOYING."
Picard's Enterprise ALWAYS had enough power and NEVER ran out of dilithium crystals.
Picard has fought off Klingons. Kirk was beaten up by klingons, and that was when they were Pussies.
Picard's bedroom was bigger than Kirk's bridge.
The Picard flew his crippled ship at an enemy as fast as it would go, stopped as close as he could to it, fired all his weapons and destroyed them...with a ship that was mundane when it was built. This is the Picard Maneuver. has anyone ever heard of the Kirk maneuver...didn't think so.
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