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Fallen Hunters: Pursuit of Maldoch Part One

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The Hoss

PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 8:46 pm
It is the 41st Millenium, and there is only war. War that consumes all, war that engulfs every living being in its flames, war that will spell the end of all life. The Dark Angels chapter of the Space Marines has long been an instrument of the Imperium of Mankind in this great war. A chapter shrouded in mystery and conspiracy, the Dark Angels' stubbornness in the face of their enemies has left many to regard them as heroes in their own right. Rumors of a great evil comitted by the chapter always haunt them, and even more licentious tales of being a Chaos chapter follow in their wakes. Some of the rumors hold truth, but not enough to warrant a full investigation, for it is even believed that the Blood Angels drink blood and turn into vampritic creatures, but even that is fallacy.( mrgreen ) In M38, a great heresy occured that almost rocked the Imperium to its knees. There is no need to get into details, for this tale is spoken of through out the Imperial sectors, but there is one story left unsaid. The Dark Angels legion returned to their planet of Caliban, glactic north of Fenris, and found that all on their planet had turned to follow Horus over their Emperor. A great battle ensued, resulting in the death of their primarch and the destruction of the mighty planet, reducing it to an asteriod. An even lesser known tale is that of the Angels of the Benediction, a group of the Caliban Dark Angels who fled before the Lion's return to warn him of the heresy occuring. For almost a thousand years they searched, until they came upon the chapter at Plains World. A long investigation followed until they were indoctrinated into the Unforgiven as an elite chapter, wholeheartedly devoted to hunting their fallen comrades. From their most elite of elite units, a new instrument was forged, one that would even superceed the Deathwing in ferocity, and the mighty Ravenwing in speed and dilligance. The Fallen Hunters were created as an organization of all Unforgiven under the command of the First Company. The First Company consisted of all Caliban Angels of the Benediction, and a further four hundred cycled out of the unit. Their stories are never known, never spoken of, but known only to the highest echelons of the Inner Circle. Now I share one such story with you.

The ship's command center glowed with the torches and lamps of the collected warriors. Hunter Prime Rham looked at each one of his hunters in the faint glow. Each man more than capable of leading an entire star system crusade by themselves, each capable of taking on the mightiest of foes and surviving, each one dedicating their lives to redeem their chapter. No words were spoken for none needed to be said. Each member of the Hunters knew each other's thoughts through the use of brainwave implants. A mere thought could become a command to the entire group, a sudden reaction the result of another throwing it at you. After receiving their briefing, the shadowy men retreated to their quarters to prepare themselves for the coming battle. Each had heraldry personal to themselves with the highest ranked receiving censors or lamps for their armor with a great cape to signify their rank. Not a detail was missed as the warriors polished and secured their arcane suits of power armor.
In his sanctum, Rham went over their assignment in his mind. They were to infiltrate a backwater Imperial world on the Westren fringe near the Eye of Terror to apprehend a local leader. Their target claimed to be named "Maldoch," but each Hunter knew the truth. "Maldoch" was in fact an old battle brother of theirs, Brother Shekheim. Shekheim, the one who betrayed his entire squad to save himself, the one who slaughtered untold thousands during the Black Crusade, and now the repentant leader of this spit bucket of a planet. Repentant? Repentant my shiny metal @$$. All Hunters, meet me in the Flight Bay in five. We will stalk our prey soon enough. All the warriors assembled in less than two minutes, each moving more quietly than a Vindicare Assassain, and boarded their Caliban Pattern Dropships. A rapid slamming was heard, and the Hunters of Men streaked toward the surface of the planet. Nothing in their lives could prepare them for what they would encounter.  
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:48 am
First glance, it's very short and you have the issue that a lot of people do where you write in blocks of text; you want to space it out some, paragraph it, so that it's not all one big chunk.

Second glance, there seem to be some contradictions in fluff (more, momentous events that would be referenced elsewhere), and you gave the Space Marines an attitude rather unbecoming of them.  

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