~Venting about my Homophobic Boyfriend~

[Yami-Ranpu]

OK so I was talking to my Boyfriend today and he started to talk about one of his brothers and how hes "a waste of gods talent", and how hes completly useless. Or somthing like that and then he goes on to say hes gay, and then he goes on about how gross that is, and he kept making disgusted noises, and stuff like that.

Now I dont know if thats the only reason for his comment but thats the only one he gave for his brother and i was squeezing my phone so hard to stop from throwing it at the wall, also to keep me from chewing him out. I mean he could have said it once, and even in that context i would have been fine ya know? But no he kept saying it over and over and then emphasising it with groans of disgust. I Really felt like throwing my phone at the wall.

So anyway Discuss.
~Have you had simular situations with people saying stuff against Gays? What did you do?
~Do you think its wrong to call someone completly useless just because they're gay?

And simular things to the above questions. Im still to anoyed at the moment. I ll probably edit my post later. Plus im getting tired. so sorry if its not understandable. smile  

[EmoKittie999]

I would have politely informed him that I was going to put down the phone, find him, and smack him. In the face. Hard.

But that's just me.

In any case, that's just so horrible to say someone's useless because they're gay, but his brother, of all people? No offense to your boyfriend or anything, but the guy sounds like a jerk (if only in that aspect).  

[Yami-Ranpu]

EmoKittie999

I would have politely informed him that I was going to put down the phone, find him, and smack him. In the face. Hard.

But that's just me.

In any case, that's just so horrible to say someone's useless because they're gay, but his brother, of all people? No offense to your boyfriend or anything, but the guy sounds like a jerk (if only in that aspect).

If I had been talking to him in person I probably would have smacked him. So he got of kinda easy saying over the phone. Lets just say though it wont be so if he ever says anything like that in person ^_~, or again.

I know! thats probably what made it even worse that it was his own brother. And no offense taken, on my part, he was being a jerk.  

[Scatterheart]

It's really sickening when someone says those kind of things toward member of their family, someone they're supposed to love unconditionally. It's pretty much the scenario that any gay person fears most.

You can't imagine how horrible it feels to have someone you've grown up with (and has possibly cared for you) suddenly turn around and tell you you're useless and disgusting.

Seriously, you should have chewed him out right then and there over the phone. He's obviously telling you all this because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with his behavior and he assumes you're sympathetic. How is he supposed to know you disagree if you remain silent?

Too late for that now though, I guess, but it's good that you want to confront him about it next time it happens.  

[ffdarkangel]

Personally, my best friend is a little homophobic still. She was way over the homophobic line when I met her. That all changed when I told her I was bi. Well, let's see what will happen when I get in a relationship. The point of this story is even if she was not okay with homosexuals, she still was my friend. She doesn't trash gay people anymore. I think she needed a wakeup call that she just couldn't ignore reality. I think your boyfriend is in the same state. He is in denial. I hope he gets over it soon. His brother must be very sad right now.

You shouldn't call someone useless because they are gay. Gay people make a difference to the world. They effect the world around them. Heck, everyone affects the world. It tepends on you if the difference is good or bad. Okay, now I'll stop ranting.  

[Yami-Ranpu]

Scatterheart

It's really sickening when someone says those kind of things toward member of their family, someone they're supposed to love unconditionally. It's pretty much the scenario that any gay person fears most.

You can't imagine how horrible it feels to have someone you've grown up with (and has possibly cared for you) suddenly turn around and tell you you're useless and disgusting.

Seriously, you should have chewed him out right then and there over the phone. He's obviously telling you all this because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with his behavior and he assumes you're sympathetic. How is he supposed to know you disagree if you remain silent?

Too late for that now though, I guess, but it's good that you want to confront him about it next time it happens.

Yea I really should have chewed him out cause like you said he probably sees nothing wrong with it, but also like you said too late now. Yea I will definatly chew him out next time (if there is) because if it makes me this mad and upset then I cant imagine what its done to his brother.  

[User_2629207]

Rulin' ya universes...

D: whatta b***h! That boy needs some discipline and a new, fresh set of values pumped into his head.

...since 1992.

 

[teddytoles]

I deal with it most days. I usually speak up, when I don't I scream out at them and totally flame them. It just depends on my mood at the time.

People are not useless just because they are gay. I am not useless and neither are most of my friends.

 

[UnityOfFactors]

Just because someone is gay does NOT mean there useless scream

I'm GAY AND PROUD!!!!  

[Count Chocolat]

I would have figured he'd heard the silent tension. If you can tell during an IM chat, he shoudl have been able to tell you were NOT okay with what he said about his brother over the phone. Next time he says any of that, just cut him into little pieces for it.
Gays aren't useless. They're people, just like anybody else. They might have some bad traits or good traits, and your boyfriend should acknowledge it. Especially if it's his brother!  

[Teh_Sheba]

Was there anything you said after he said that? I mean, the conversation must have moved on to something else at some point...Do you think he could have sensed any anger from the other side of the line?

But I agree, if that had been real life...I don't know if I'd hit him, but I'd definitely make it known that it wasn't cool. Sometimes it's easier in person since you can only tell so much from silences on the phone. In real life, there's gestures, expressions, actions AND words...But yeah, when my boyfriend said something I didn't like, I made it known(By shoving him, actually... sweatdrop It pissed me off, what can I say... ) And he's not done anything like what he did since, because he KNOWS it bugs me and he learned that from the experience.

SO, my advice to you is MAKE IT KNOWN. I'm not about to scold you or anything for missing the oppurtunity to do so already, I know you were just trying to hold yourself in from going off the deep end and saying things that you'd both regret and all...

But seriously, if you continue to say nothing, that will signal to him that you're cool with it, or even worse, that you AGREE. If he cares about you, then he will do his best to not upset you like this and even address the way he's looking at his brother. If he doesn't, well, then you might just be better off without someone who doesn't respect you or other people(especially his brother) enough to make a few adjustments in their thinking in your love life. Sometimes all people really need is a good kick in the a** to call them out on their shitty behavior. Sometimes that works, but...Sometimes it doesn't.

And I dunno, maybe he just has some deep-seated mis-understanding about his brother that sort of, comes out in this type of anger. Maybe he's confused about it, or something. Maybe it's just a shock to him. I mean, I don't get the connection between "useless" and "gay", but I don't know the guy, and there might just be something psychological behind this.

Or he might just be a class-A Jackass, in which case you should find someone better and more respectful.
3nodding

 

[Yami-Ranpu]

Teh_Sheba

Was there anything you said after he said that? I mean, the conversation must have moved on to something else at some point...Do you think he could have sensed any anger from the other side of the line?

But I agree, if that had been real life...I don't know if I'd hit him, but I'd definitely make it known that it wasn't cool. Sometimes it's easier in person since you can only tell so much from silences on the phone. In real life, there's gestures, expressions, actions AND words...But yeah, when my boyfriend said something I didn't like, I made it known(By shoving him, actually... sweatdrop It pissed me off, what can I say... ) And he's not done anything like what he did since, because he KNOWS it bugs me and he learned that from the experience.

SO, my advice to you is MAKE IT KNOWN. I'm not about to scold you or anything for missing the oppurtunity to do so already, I know you were just trying to hold yourself in from going off the deep end and saying things that you'd both regret and all...

But seriously, if you continue to say nothing, that will signal to him that you're cool with it, or even worse, that you AGREE. If he cares about you, then he will do his best to not upset you like this and even address the way he's looking at his brother. If he doesn't, well, then you might just be better off without someone who doesn't respect you or other people(especially his brother) enough to make a few adjustments in their thinking in your love life. Sometimes all people really need is a good kick in the a** to call them out on their shitty behavior. Sometimes that works, but...Sometimes it doesn't.

And I dunno, maybe he just has some deep-seated mis-understanding about his brother that sort of, comes out in this type of anger. Maybe he's confused about it, or something. Maybe it's just a shock to him. I mean, I don't get the connection between "useless" and "gay", but I don't know the guy, and there might just be something psychological behind this.

Or he might just be a class-A Jackass, in which case you should find someone better and more respectful.
3nodding

I think I told him to change the subject, I think he got that I didnt like it.
He probably would have caught on quicker if it was IRL cause then he'd be able to see my expression. twisted
I finally did make it known. We were talking and he brought it up again and i told him how much it pissed me off, and how much of an insult that was to me and a few of my friends. and he really doesnt bring it up a whole bunch. and when he does i just kindly ask him to change the subject.
Ya'know there could be somthin psychological behind it. I never thought about that before....cause if you have a bad experiance with somthing you might end up hating/disliking...Hmmm  

[Pretty Pretty Priceless]

Sounds like someone was raised pretty straight lined. Probably not his fault, just how he was brought up. (Some people just don't see that when people go on about that.)
Educate him  

[Erandir]

If he mentions again that gay people are 'gross' tell him that we feel exactly the same way about straight people. At least I do. I don't understand why homophobes think it's alright to go around saying how it disgusts them what we decide to do in bed, I think straight sex is pretty gross, but I'm not going to go around telling every straight person I know that they're disgusting.

Also gay =/= useless. I'm sure I could go search online right now and find quite a large list of important historical figures who were gay. Let's start out with what I can think off off the top of my head.
Alexander the Great, most of ancient Rome and Greece, for that matter
Oscar Wilde
J.M. Barrie
William Shakespeare
Sir Ian McKellen
Freddy Mercury