Being an older goth

[trampyre]

In all honesty I get a lot of flack for being an older goth. I'm 26, so people think that it's a highschool phase I never grew out of (which is untrue - I was never a goth in highschool. I had to be the nerdiest dressed kid out there. Maybe the only 'goth' thing about me was that I appreciated the arts and I was a bit of a loner). Or if not that, they think the style doesn't suit me (mostly my mom and my boyfriend).

My boyfriend says I'm like every other goth girl he knew in highschool, which is depressing. It hurts to be told something like that. I've been into goth stuff for years, but not really until I was in university, and hopefully I make a better goth than anyone's idea of the bad stereotypical highschool goth girl. That's another story though, he just stereotypes everyone he meets for better or worse.

My mom just razzes me about my ginormous buckled boots, which I love because they're so comfortable. I don't really mind her razzing me, it hurts a little but she has always criticised things I've worn, even when they were just conventional clothes.

From time to time I dress normally and I've stopped dying my hair weird colours. Le sigh. I'm afraid that's what happens when you get older (can anyone out there correct me on this?) People, at least in my personal experience, don't take you as seriously if you dress flamboyantly goth as an older person. When I was working at an office, I had to dress sort of businesslike everyday which made it hard to express gothness. I did do a sort of corporate goth thing, which worked, but I really missed my big funky boots and the more radical style of dress I had come to love.

I just wonder if anyone else here faces the same difficulties as I do (and I really hope this isn't a repeat thread, mods), because I'm running into this situation again. I keep getting the desire to dye my hair back to a dark purple, but knowing people I care about will be disappointed if I do, and other adults will think I'm a joke.  

[Eskimos are so gay]

No offense, but I don't really think you have much of a right to call yourself an "older goth."

Considering the fact that anybody who was a fan of Goth Rock from the beginning is at least forty-five or so, twenty-six is actually quite young.

I've met goths-- not in real life, mind you-- in their sixties.

To the topic at hand:

Dress and act how you want. It's nobody's business but your own.

Just don't be surprised when you can't get a job, can't find friends, and are ridiculed by others. Remember that while you have the right to dress and act how you want, others have the right not to like it.

Also, remember that there's a time and a place for everything. I suggest that you don't show up for a job interview dressed like this.

I don't mean to imply that you don't have friends or a job-- I can see from your post that you do-- but I think you get my point.  

[Veruniel]

I am 28. Like you, I was not a goth in highschool. There weren't that many goths where I grew up, so I didn't discover the movement until I got to college. That's when I started -- hesitantly -- to dress in a lot of black. I bought myself a cloak and finally jettisoned the catholic schoolgirl look that had seen me through everything from first grade to my freshman year of college. And though I vary my wardrobe with a little colour and don't dress up gothily at conservative events, I still like my black velvet and my pointy, witchy boots.

I think whether people tell you you're too old to be goth has a lot to do with precisely how you express your gothiness. I always looked pretty sophisticated and formal and most people really like the way I dress, saying that I'm classy and look pretty. (And I've got a lot of bug-eyed stares from little kids, which is sort of flattering).

But there are always a few straightlaced people who think I should dress normally. I just laugh politely and explain that my clothing is good for business. I'm a singer, and in my profession it helps to be memorable. And for certain, when people see me perform in my formal velvets, they aren't likely to forget me!  

[Kostbarer Alptraum]

And here I was thinking the same yet I'm only 19.
I guess I'll stop worrying about it for a while. A long while.

 

[trampyre]

The Ether and the Inuk

No offense, but I don't really think you have much of a right to call yourself an "older goth."

Considering the fact that anybody who was a fan of Goth Rock from the beginning is at least forty-five or so, twenty-six is actually quite young.

I've met goths-- not in real life, mind you-- in their sixties.

To the topic at hand:

Dress and act how you want. It's nobody's business but your own.

Just don't be surprised when you can't get a job, can't find friends, and are ridiculed by others. Remember that while you have the right to dress and act how you want, others have the right not to like it.

Also, remember that there's a time and a place for everything. I suggest that you don't show up for a job interview dressed like this.

I don't mean to imply that you don't have friends or a job-- I can see from your post that you do-- but I think you get my point.

No offense taken. I am aware that there are people far older than me who've been involved in the scene and into goth rock since before I was born. I guess at 26 I'm not 'old' enough to be an "Old Goth." I have met a few older goths in the scene, actually, and some of my best friends who are goths are quite a lot older than me. I don't get the "you're too old" crap from them, just other people. The impression I get from people in general that this is some kind of phase that only highschool kids go through, and I am sure my older goth friends have to deal with it as well.

And no, I don't dress like the poor person in that costume on a day to day basis. I have big platform boots that I wear occasionally, but other that that I tend to be more of a conservative goth. Usually the clothes I wear are pretty plain, in fact, compared to most of my local goth population. But somehow, even that isn't conservative enough for people I guess *shrugs*

Sorry if this sounds defensive, but I'm really tired of defending myself on this topic and was really hoping for some sympathy. Oh well, it's an online forum, what can I expect.  

[trampyre]

Veruniel

I am 28. Like you, I was not a goth in highschool. There weren't that many goths where I grew up, so I didn't discover the movement until I got to college. That's when I started -- hesitantly -- to dress in a lot of black. I bought myself a cloak and finally jettisoned the catholic schoolgirl look that had seen me through everything from first grade to my freshman year of college. And though I vary my wardrobe with a little colour and don't dress up gothily at conservative events, I still like my black velvet and my pointy, witchy boots.

I think whether people tell you you're too old to be goth has a lot to do with precisely how you express your gothiness. I always looked pretty sophisticated and formal and most people really like the way I dress, saying that I'm classy and look pretty. (And I've got a lot of bug-eyed stares from little kids, which is sort of flattering).

But there are always a few straightlaced people who think I should dress normally. I just laugh politely and explain that my clothing is good for business. I'm a singer, and in my profession it helps to be memorable. And for certain, when people see me perform in my formal velvets, they aren't likely to forget me!

I'm a singer too! And yes, that's one area where I definitely find more acceptance. My singing teacher always compliments how I dress and thinks I'm creative and just a riot. If I were going to an audition I'd probably tone it down and dress more conservatively, but amongst fellow musicians I feel more at home dressing gothy. 3nodding  

[This Old Oscillator]

You're still a kid.
I'm in my mid 30's and I still don't consider myself an 'older goth'. neutral  

[trampyre]

This Old Oscillator

You're still a kid.
I'm in my mid 30's and I still don't consider myself an 'older goth'. neutral

Well that's refreshing to hear. Most of my friends are in their early to mid 30's . I guess I have this misconception that being a goth post - highschool means one is old, and apparently I am wrong razz

Good of you to post and come out with your age =) I've been reluctant to tell people on here before (because most of the people I have encountered have been quite a bit younger than me, and thought I was old when I told them).

Maybe the general population of gaia is aging? It does seem to me now that there are more non-teenaged people on here than two years ago. I really do hope that is so. I love talking to people of all age groups. Sometimes people *I* consider younger or older than my compatible ideal age for friendship, surprise me.

Sorry for rambling sweatdrop  

[Ametrin]

Gothic has nothing to do with age. So if it is something you really enjoy just stick to it for as long as you enjoy it smile
I started identifying myself as a goth only when I was nearly 21. Until then I hadn't even heard of it and hadn't known anything about it. It wasn't very known in my country and I found out about it on the internet. Though sadly now also in my country "gothic", or rather a version of what you US people call mallgoth, has become a popular trend among teenagers. :/  

[Gothic Muffin of Doom]

Do you guys mean, i might be goth for long more? I'm 22 and a lot of people had told me to stop it and have a real life.  

[Satan on Speed]

Well, my boyfriend and I are only 16 & 19, respectively.

We're not all that old, but we live on a tourest funded beach and we already have massive issues finding jobs.

As far as anything else though, we know a few older goths and other people who thrive in the alternative lifestyle. Not all of them have kept their look for the same reasons, but some have and still have jobs of assorted kinds. A lot of people, however, don't get taken seriously because they dress "goth" or in other ineresting fashions.

It shouldn't be anyone else's buisiness how you dress at all, really, so in your personal life & out of work, it shouldn't matter.  

[Henneth Annun]

Anyone who says you're "too old" to be goth, a metalhead, a rocker, or anything obviously doesn't understand what they're talking about. I wouldn't be bothered by it. I've met people in many subcultures in almost every age group, from 12 to 60. Don't be bothered by it.

Unfortunatley most of the world doesn't understand some things, and there is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes we have to adjust ourselves to society (wether we like it or not) in order to better move around in it. Even if you have to do the six days out of seven for eight hours a day, there's always going to be sometime in your schedule to unleash the true you onto the world. 3nodding  

[Keevan Draco]

XWraith_LordX

Anyone who says you're "too old" to be goth, a metalhead, a rocker, or anything obviously doesn't understand what they're talking about. I wouldn't be bothered by it. I've met people in many subcultures in almost every age group, from 12 to 60. Don't be bothered by it.

Unfortunatley most of the world doesn't understand some things, and there is a time and a place for everything. Sometimes we have to adjust ourselves to society (wether we like it or not) in order to better move around in it. Even if you have to do the six days out of seven for eight hours a day, there's always going to be sometime in your schedule to unleash the true you onto the world. 3nodding

Agreed with 100%! i've been in the scene a long time (36), but as I grew older and found a career path that focuses on looking "official", I've had to change my looks to better move through that career. I rarely get the chance to play dress up, but my home decor, and a few well placed accessories still get the message across without offending the bosses. Though I've learned that it's not a good idea to go pick up a paycheck there wearing a black utilikilt, tomb boots, sporran, and leather jacket sporting various pins, just too many questions and insinuations by those over me...lol.

As far as being "too old"....poppycock!!! I too, know of dear friends 10 years or more older than I, and they still partake of the darkside to a fuller extent than I ever could. They've just moved into a more ecclectic phase of life and are recognized for it by those around them. Don't fret drearie, you've got a long time yet left to play.  

[The Goth Apple]

Twenty-six isn't old.
Unless you're still in middle school. It's a little old for that.  

[Teriyaki Tsubaki]

Twenty six is nothing!! Too old would be like after you have kids in middle school. When you have to drive them to soccer practice and stuff.