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Her Dreams, Her Power:Chapter One (plz commnet on it)

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lampchopsbutter

PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:19 am


hi, this a story that i made when i was little and found it in my files on my pc, i know its abit long 4 one chapter but plz let me know what you think of it
---------------------------------------------
There are only two people who could do anything they wanted. Sure that would seem good when you hear it, but for those two unlucky people, they would have to carry the pain of knowing that their life could stop any second. You see, with such powers come with a down pour, many evil people want that power to rule the world, and will do anything to get it.
These two unlucky people where a boy and a girl. But the thing was the girl knew nothing about her powers, as she was taken when she was only a child, in a hope to stop their fait. To stop the powers growing and in hope to save the world.

It all started, many years ago…………

There I was, looking down the cliff, seeing the rocks getting hit by the rush of the water. I took a big gulp, as I was being pulled back from the cliff’s drop.
I was being held prisoner by a strange man. His head was covered by deep scars. When I looked into his eyes, I could see death himself in his blood shot red eye, but in the scared grey eye I could only see pain. Pain and suffering.
I was scared; I did not want to be hurt. I kept asking for him to let me go, but after a while of asking he turned to me, smiling. He walked up to me slowly and by each step he took more and more fear came rushing to me. By the time he got to me, I fell to the ground, sitting there with my eyes closed shut. I could hear his deep breathing, and its awful smell.
He picked me up, off the ground, by my arm. I was just swinging there, my feet trying to reach for the ground. But the more I tried to free my self, the more tightly he would grab on my small thin arm. I was so scared, that a tear fell down my cheek, and then more tears came after that. He laughed, and then threw me to the ground.
“Aw, look how upset she is. Shall we bring a friend out to join her?” he asked to one of his workers. The worker laughed while nodding his head. Then made his way to the white van, and pulled out a boy.
The boy was tied up the same as me. He looked at me with such a way that my hairs on the back of my neck was sticking up, then looked he down to the ground, like he did not want to see me. But what had I done, I had never meet him before. Did he hate me? I watched him just walk up to me, with no fear in his eyes.
He sat near me, then looked up to the man and said “why do you need her? She has never known about you, and she could never stop you. She has not got the power.” As soon as he said that I looked at the man in shock, then back to him. Right there and then I wanted to kill him, but I was tied up. I could not do a thing to him.
But all the man did was smile, like he has planning something. Something evil. “No! I am not risking it, she may not have the power now, but one day she could. And that day I would feel the pain that I give.” The boy tried to get up, but it was no good, the worker kept pushing him back to the floor.
He started to beg, and as soon as he did I realized he was trying to save me, not insult me. But why? It could have been because of me why he was here. It could be me why he will die.
I looked to the ground, feeling guilty for thinking that. But then I saw a foot right under my nose. I started to bring my head up slowly, but before I looked at his face, he pulled me up off the ground like before. And he started to walk to the cliff drop; there he faced me to the boy
“Say bye to her, as you will never see her again.” there he laughed. The boy tried anything and everything to get to him, but it was no good. He has yelling out, and I was begging. But the man did not listen. He held me over the cliff, as I looked into to the boy’s eyes.
Then I fell. Fell to my watery grave. As I was falling, the boy got to the cliff, and started call out a name, calling out Tania, calling out my name.
I closed my eyes in fear. I could feel the air rushing by my skin and clothes, and I was feeling like I was flying. But then it stop, the air was not rushing, and I was not flying. Was I dead?
I opened my eyes slowly, scared. And I could see a face looking at me. I jumped up. Then I realized that it was only my mum, and everything was just a dream.
TO BE CONTIUNED.............................
PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:56 am


NICE AVVIE smile

cutepunk_elly


themorganashley

IRL Conventioneer

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 10:47 am


It's a really good story, but the ending is not that good. I don't like when an exciting adventure is only a dream. If there are more chapters to this, then that changes things a bit...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:03 pm


verry nice story

daydremer


lampchopsbutter

PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:58 am


i have another chapter but have not finished it yet, so if you want to read the next chapter pm me n ill put it on this
PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:21 am


I think it's kiddy, well it is kiddy, and you should have improved it before posting it.

OneXMuerte



-PokEdsie-


Big Bunny

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:47 am


WOW
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[15]~ Stories ~

 
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