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 Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 9:37 pm
I know this could be considered kind of stupid to some people here... But to be honest, i am not looking for advice, because on some of the subjects I'm going to write down in here i am way to stubborn to change... But i desperately need to talk about it... Okay, here it goes:
- The girl i have loved more then anyhting for 3 years lives in Texas; I live in Florida. She has broken up with me 4 times in the past, but she said recently that she will give me a 5th chance if i move to where she is when i turn 18. Lucky me, i turn 18 in about a month and a half. I have waited so long for this day but due to parental complications i haven't been able to get a job so money is gonna be tight for me to get a ride there.. Also due to me still finishing up Senior year in Texas so i am not a high school drop out (no offense to anyone who is) my income there isn't going to be enough to pay the bills... Because i will be working minimum wage, and only enough hours to also keep my school hours in check... So i may be on the streets when i get there, but i don't care, as long as i finally get to be with her again... Also, her family hates me because of my age difference of 3 years... she will be 15 in about 3 weeks, while i wil be 18 in about a month and a half... So she wants to keep us a secret to her family... But i feel it is best just to let her family know i am there, so that they can learn to trust me.... So if anyone has any advice there.. Please help (as long as it isnt for me to "Wait for a little bit before moving" because that isn't an option for me... I need her)
-Some things have come up recently that have drove me into an extreme hateful anger.... I have never felt this hatred before in my life.... And i have had a lot happen to me that should have triggered hatred... But.... This hatred comes from something someone did to the one i love.... That someone got away with it and the one i love wont let me hurt him when i get to Texas... So i have a whole lot of built in rage... Now the one i love used to be massochistic... But we made various deals to where she isn't anymore.... Part of it was that i couldn't hurt myself as long as she didn't.... But supposedly, after talking to one of my friends... They said that it is still considered massochism, even if it was unintentional damage to myself that was out of a fit of anger. ( To clarify, they said that me punching walls and trees until my knuckles bled still counts as massochism) So now i have to tell the one i love what i did, because i swore to her i would never lie to her..... But i don't want her starting back her old ways....
Please.... Those are the main 2 things i need to talk about... Please reply to this as soon as possible... Because i am really hateful towards myself and someone else... And i'm really stressed and depressed... I need someone to talk to.
Thank you so much for reading all of this
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:39 am
If you need to converse about it; it's almost like getting advice and people's opinions.
Anyways;;
About your girlfriend. Are you really willing to let her be that selfish and ask you to move if you love her? Do you know how many times people use the 'if you love me' line to get people to do things? I understand that you think you are 'in love' but if your girlfriend was really willing to give you a chance, she'd consider your situation in turn. But then again, this is my opinion. Most parents probably would hate the person that their daughter/son is dating if they are an adult/older. Since you are coming of legal age, there is the issue of a possible law enforcement to come along and take you away if her 'rents see you. I live in Texas too, but I don't see why she wouldn't be willing to just wait for you.
If you need her that badly, try to find some time to contact her or something. And if she really did consider your situation instead of being selfish [once again, my opinion] over liking someone, she would be willing to wait for you.
Next topic;;
I disagree that you are a masochistic person. If your doing it to vent anger or something it could easily be called self-injury. A masochist is someone who finds pleasure in pain and humility, usually given by someone else. So I understand that situation better than the previous one. For starters, you should probably find another way to vent your anger. Like Sports, or find a job that requires rough-handling. My friend has anger issues and he is in wrestling and it does him wonders. Really, you should find another way to vent your anger. And to get closer to your girlfriend, or the girlfriend you want, you both should find something to do to release all that anger and the like.
:] Remember, this is all my opinion. :]
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 10:49 am
Hikaru Akumu If you need to converse about it; it's almost like getting advice and people's opinions.
Anyways;;
About your girlfriend. Are you really willing to let her be that selfish and ask you to move if you love her? Do you know how many times people use the 'if you love me' line to get people to do things? I understand that you think you are 'in love' but if your girlfriend was really willing to give you a chance, she'd consider your situation in turn. But then again, this is my opinion. Most parents probably would hate the person that their daughter/son is dating if they are an adult/older. Since you are coming of legal age, there is the issue of a possible law enforcement to come along and take you away if her 'rents see you. I live in Texas too, but I don't see why she wouldn't be willing to just wait for you.
If you need her that badly, try to find some time to contact her or something. And if she really did consider your situation instead of being selfish [once again, my opinion] over liking someone, she would be willing to wait for you.
Next topic;;
I disagree that you are a masochistic person. If your doing it to vent anger or something it could easily be called self-injury. A masochist is someone who finds pleasure in pain and humility, usually given by someone else. So I understand that situation better than the previous one. For starters, you should probably find another way to vent your anger. Like Sports, or find a job that requires rough-handling. My friend has anger issues and he is in wrestling and it does him wonders. Really, you should find another way to vent your anger. And to get closer to your girlfriend, or the girlfriend you want, you both should find something to do to release all that anger and the like.
:] Remember, this is all my opinion. :] Thank you for you opinion.. But she isn't using the 'If you really loved me' thing that i know you are tlaking about.... I just love her with all of my heart, and; in fact.. I was the one who suggested moving so that i could be near her... Because she doesn't like dealing with a long distance relationship, and she thought it was a great idea... And in reality.. I would love it.. Couldn't wait... If things would just be easier financially.. You know...?She isn't being selfish... She just has her standards and i am trying to live up to them... But she isn't selfish Okay.... I'm gonnabe getting jobs.. But none requiring rough-lifting.. Maybe i should look around for little suide joibs people need done that involve heavy lifting. I wont be involved with sports, because i personally hate sports and the often immature means of co,,unication that athletes have against eachother competitively. I also hate how 2-faced and dirty sports can be.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:50 pm
She broke with you 4 times so you've said. So whats to stop her doing it again?
Seriously, look at this from a logical standpoint for a moment, take a step back and think about things before you do anything rash, before moving there, ensure you have a job lined up and can work out an affordable lifestyle. Secondly, if the relationship has ended that many times, something is up with it, it is intrisicly broken and damaged beyond repair, so is it worth throwing away you're current lifestyle for a lesser one, just to be with someone so tempramental about her love for you?
Secondly? How the hell does cutting your knuckles, by hitting someone count as a self inflicted injury? Because if it does, then I definatly have a self harming issue. Look ignore what you're friend said, punching the hell out of an inanimate object is not massochistic, its a viable way of dealing with aggression in a safe way that doesn't harm others. So you don't have to tell her s**t and you should smack you're friend upside the head.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 4:19 pm
There is nothing stopping her from leaving me again.. And i don't expect herto be withme for very long when she takes me back a 5th time but that isn't the issue. The issue is making her happy, by any means necassary. And even though it probably wont last... Then i still need to move up there for her... I want to be absolutely anything she wants me to be to make her hapy... Whether it's a boyfriend, a husband, a punching bag (mentally and physically), a rebound, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a ghost... Anything for her to be happy... And it will be easier to be all of those things if I am close to her. So the issue isn't waiting to go up there... It's finding a possible way top go up there as soon as possible... I will love her with every beat of my heart no matter what her feelings towards me are... ANd I've been both loved and hated by her throughout the course of these 3 years... And the cycle goes on from hate to love to hate and i am just glad i get to eel the 'love' part of the cycle again and hope i am prepaired when the hate part comes back around. I'm not expecting her to be with me for long, but that doesn't mean i wont move. The only one who can stop me from moving is her, no one else, and she wants me to move there. So i need to discuss a way that i can move there within the next 2 or 3 months and still have enough money to be alive. And nothing is ever damaged beyond repair...
Okay.. Cool. Thank you, because i was scared shitless that i ******** up the agreement her and i had.
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Posted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:18 pm
So your going to throw away your life, for someone who cares little for you... you don't love her.
You're just obsessed. Thats apparent, sure some of love is about sacrifice, but most of it is about compromise. My friend, that to me is something broken beyond repair, because she'll abuse it and is abusing it. Its a broken relationship and for your own mental health, you need to cut ties.
And thats comming from someone who's been where you are now.
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Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 9:57 am
Rellik San So your going to throw away your life, for someone who cares little for you... you don't love her. You're just obsessed. Thats apparent, sure some of love is about sacrifice, but most of it is about compromise. My friend, that to me is something broken beyond repair, because she'll abuse it and is abusing it. Its a broken relationship and for your own mental health, you need to cut ties. And thats comming from someone who's been where you are now. What the ********? I could understand if you don't agree with my choice of what i am doing with my life but you have absolutely no right whatsoever to tell me whether or not i love her. I think i would know more then you about what my feelings toward her are and i think you are quite an a*****e to attempt to tell me thta i don't love the girl i have loved foir 3 years! Don't treat me like those other people who fall in 'love' every month to a new 'soul mate'. Just because i am willing to sacrifice a lot to make her happy does not mean i don't love her and you are ******** up to try and tell me otherwise.
"And thats comming from someone who's been where you are ******** you, if you have been where i was now then you wouldn't tell me that i don't love her. You were never where i am now, or if you were you obviously handled it differently then i am. One of the main things i hate in this world is someone telling someone they DON'T EVEN KNOW how they feel about something. I wouldn't even have minded if you said " I don't think you love her" But the fact that you said "You don't love her" enrages me to no end!
You think you know it all just because you have been through some s**t, but other people aren''t you! Other people might do other things in similar situations then you! That doesn't mean they are wrong, it just means they are DIFFERENT! part of what keeps this ******** world turning.
DOn't tell me i don't love her. I may be a teenager but i know what the ******** love is! I could understand if i was doing all this for someone i have 'loved' for a month, but i have known her for 3 years and my feelings for her have absolutely NEVER faultered. So don't you dare tell me i don't love her, that is one of the most a*****e-ish aspects to ever be put into the personality of mankind. Don't ever assume someone you DON'T KNOW feels some way other then what they say, just because they wouldn't do the same things you would because frankly, that is arrogant as ********, and makes you seem stuck up.
And second of all, I'm not throwing away my life, i am getting it back and you don't know what she feels about me.
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Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:29 pm
That reaction just goes on to prove my point perfectly.
There are certain things people do and say thats a tell in these situations, you're doing one of them, which is to only listen to what you want to hear and not any of the voices of reason. You say you're a teenager, that you've known her 3 years, but in this time, let me ask you... have you ever met her?
Because its easy to lie over the internet, its terribly easy to lie and manipulate people into thinking what you want them to think, believing what you want them to believe and even convince them they love you. You say you love her, but what comparrison do you have? What other girls have you 'loved' to make a well rounded call on what love is for you. You say you're not throwing you're life away, but think about it logically a second, you're talking about uprooting from all you're friends and family to see a girl, who upon meeting will very probably reject you, she's done it 4 times before, you're even contemplating living on the streets for her. You defend the so called love you have so vehemently that you're blind to any other possibility and all probability.
Like I said, its not love, its an obsession, love would mean, it didn't matter how long it took, you'd study, go college and look for a job down there, so when you do move down there, you can support her in a comfy lifestyle. But you won't listen, instead, right now, righteous indignation is boiling up inside you, you're feeling angry and on the edge of quiting the guild, or just not replying, because you're so blinded with rage over something, someone you've never met and probably will never meet has told you something over the internet that you didn't want to hear. So let me ask you, is that a healthy attitude to take? because thats the same attitude you're applying to her. Just think about it is all I'm saying.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:56 am
Rellik San That reaction just goes on to prove my point perfectly. There are certain things people do and say thats a tell in these situations, you're doing one of them, which is to only listen to what you want to hear and not any of the voices of reason. You say you're a teenager, that you've known her 3 years, but in this time, let me ask you... have you ever met her? Because its easy to lie over the internet, its terribly easy to lie and manipulate people into thinking what you want them to think, believing what you want them to believe and even convince them they love you. You say you love her, but what comparrison do you have? What other girls have you 'loved' to make a well rounded call on what love is for you. You say you're not throwing you're life away, but think about it logically a second, you're talking about uprooting from all you're friends and family to see a girl, who upon meeting will very probably reject you, she's done it 4 times before, you're even contemplating living on the streets for her. You defend the so called love you have so vehemently that you're blind to any other possibility and all probability. Like I said, its not love, its an obsession, love would mean, it didn't matter how long it took, you'd study, go college and look for a job down there, so when you do move down there, you can support her in a comfy lifestyle. But you won't listen, instead, right now, righteous indignation is boiling up inside you, you're feeling angry and on the edge of quiting the guild, or just not replying, because you're so blinded with rage over something, someone you've never met and probably will never meet has told you something over the internet that you didn't want to hear. So let me ask you, is that a healthy attitude to take? because thats the same attitude you're applying to her. Just think about it is all I'm saying. Okay, well first of all, yes i have been contimplating quitting the guild since such an a*****e runs it, and seocnd of all if you read what i put in the very frist post, things have come up that have made me very angry, so having a person who doesn't know me, do the main thing i hate is obviiously gonna set me off. Having a stranger tell me i don't love the girl i have loved for 3 years pisses me off, yeah it does! Having a stanger act like they know whether or not i am feeling any emotion that i am feling at all pisses me off, so naturally someone telling me that i don't love the girl i do love, when i am already angry is going t push me over the edge.I'm not only listening to what i want to here. If you would word things differently i would listebn to you a lot better. And yes i have met her. Not in perosn but that doesn't ******** matter! Everyone, i mean EVERYONE thinks it matter when it doesn't. I have talked to her on the o phone for the past 2 years, on and off, depending how she feels about me.(i've loved her for 3 years, but she has only known for the last 2). SO yes, i do know her. So yes, i have known her for 3 and a half years. I have met her. Just because my communications with her don't involve anything literally tangible doesn't mean i haven't met her. God, why are people so shallow? I might admit, a tangible relationship would make things easier, but that doesn't mean that an intangible relationship is impossible. The other comparisons aren't important? you know why??? because the girls in the past mean nothing to me, i only liked them. Sure, i thought i loved one or 2. but that was back when i had no idea what love is. ANd i do know what love is now! Love is not based on comparisons and calculations. SOmetimes you just know it's there. And maybe she doesn't love me like she thinks she does.... I'll admit that one too... She has left me 4 times... And will probably leave me more times... But just because she might not love me like she thinks... That doesn't make my love for her any smaller. And true love , you right? sometimes it means your willing to wait. I'm willing to wait! I'm waiting for her as we speak.... I've waited for her in the past when she told me she wouldn't tlak to me anymore.... WHen i hadn't heard for her in months i kept waiting and waiting... No one else mattered to me.... I wouldn't be with anyone else as long as my heart belonged to her... ANd it always has... Almost ever since i met her. I waited when she went through her phase of hating me... When she told me that 'there is never even the slightest possiblility of her ever even thinking about considering being with me again'.... I waited throuigh that, thnking it would never end.. As she told me about her boyfriend kissing her.... And how she would feel amazing when he kissed her and all of that.... I waited. I waited and waited and waited dozens of times. I'm waiting for her right now... because she doesn't want to be in an official relationship with me until i can hold her in my arms. So i'm waiting.. Waiting until i can hold her in my arms and call her mine again. Maybe to you it seems illogical that i would leave all of my friends and family and shelter for one perosn. But to me, the one whose life it is and the one whose heart it is this isn't illogical. Her love warmsmy soul to the very core. Her personality... She is the missing piece.... She is what my life hasbeen waiting for.... Shemakes me smile... SHe mnakes me laugh.... SHe makes me happy...Happy! Something no one has ever done before. Happy... WHen she loves me everything in my universe falls into place... She has by far the most beautiful soul i haveever seen in my entire life. And don't you dare say anything about her when you don't know her. It is bad enough you try to tell me things about myself when you don't know me but don't you dare say anyhting about her. SO maybe it matters how long it takes for her, but on the other side of it... I am willing to wait an eternity just to here her say those 3 words. ANd i would never not think about replying when i have so much to reply to such an arrogant a*****e who assumes so easily. I love her with every fiber of my being, and i would easily live on the streets for her. I'd do anything for her, and when i say that i mean it. it's because i love her. I don't care about whether someone thinks it's illogical or not becaus ei am not trying to prove myself to anyone but her, and she is the only mind that matters to me, at least that matters this much. And the reason i posted this was to see if people had any ideas aas to how i can go there in the time frame i am planning on leaving and have a place to stay other then the streets. It wasn't to have stangers critizice the love they probably never felt. Forgive for any typos, i was pretty annoyed when i typed this and the words flowed quickly and sometimes my fingers are clumsy.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 1:28 pm
And from that description... like I said, I have been in the position you're in now and what I say is harsh, but I'm trying to stop you making a huge mistake, you'll regret forever, because I dropped out of college for a girl and it was the biggest mistake I ever made, I had to live hearing about her amazing boyfriends, even not talking to me when I made a joke about one of those guys performance in bed. I held on and was miserable. It almost destroyed me and I gaurentee you, as arrogant as it sounds, but I was more emotionally stable then you'll ever be at that point. So something that came close to tearing me apart, imagine what it'd do to you. I only became happy again when I let go. You say I assume to easily, there is nothing easy about my assumptions.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:38 pm
Rellik San And from that description... like I said, I have been in the position you're in now and what I say is harsh, but I'm trying to stop you making a huge mistake, you'll regret forever, because I dropped out of college for a girl and it was the biggest mistake I ever made, I had to live hearing about her amazing boyfriends, even not talking to me when I made a joke about one of those guys performance in bed. I held on and was miserable. It almost destroyed me and I gaurentee you, as arrogant as it sounds, but I was more emotionally stable then you'll ever be at that point. So something that came close to tearing me apart, imagine what it'd do to you. I only became happy again when I let go. You say I assume to easily, there is nothing easy about my assumptions. See, now that,is okay for you to say, but don't tell me i don't love her. DON'T. Because i do. And i definately agree that your emotional state is better then yours but i am not changing my choice. I am moving there. I need help as to figure out how to do it more safely. This is what i meant by saying i didn't want advice, because the first thing everyone would say is that i shouldn't move. I'm okay with adviceon everything but that because i am moving. Now you don't seem like as much of an a*****e, since you aren't telling me how i feel. As long as you except i love her, i'm okay with anything else you say, no matter how harsh it is, as long as it isn't about her.
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 3:49 pm
Prince_Padraic Rellik San And from that description... like I said, I have been in the position you're in now and what I say is harsh, but I'm trying to stop you making a huge mistake, you'll regret forever, because I dropped out of college for a girl and it was the biggest mistake I ever made, I had to live hearing about her amazing boyfriends, even not talking to me when I made a joke about one of those guys performance in bed. I held on and was miserable. It almost destroyed me and I gaurentee you, as arrogant as it sounds, but I was more emotionally stable then you'll ever be at that point. So something that came close to tearing me apart, imagine what it'd do to you. I only became happy again when I let go. You say I assume to easily, there is nothing easy about my assumptions. See, now that,is okay for you to say, but don't tell me i don't love her. DON'T. Because i do. And i definately agree that your emotional state is better then yours but i am not changing my choice. I am moving there. I need help as to figure out how to do it more safely. This is what i meant by saying i didn't want advice, because the first thing everyone would say is that i shouldn't move. I'm okay with adviceon everything but that because i am moving. Now you don't seem like as much of an a*****e, since you aren't telling me how i feel. As long as you except i love her, i'm okay with anything else you say, no matter how harsh it is, as long as it isn't about her. I accept you think you love her, leave it at that. But as it goes, we all seem to feel its a bad idea, so will mostly take little to no part in this, sorry. ><
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Posted: Mon Jun 09, 2008 8:45 pm
Your an a*****e.
Don't worry, i accept that you refuse to help me but you need to shut the ******** up when it comes to your stupid and idiotic assumptions. God, you are the main type of person i hate. I used to love this guild becaus eit was a place i could get honest opinions of my poetry, talk in depth about music, get help, and speak openly in what i felt was a safe enviroment but your ******** up assumptions of a stranger's feelings have killed this guild for me.
I'm quitting. ANd then your gonna have some smug stupid piece of s**t remark about how i'm being a baby or something, but i can deal with a lot of people, but you are one of the 3 types of people i absolutely can not stand.
See you all later, thank you to the ones who helped me in the past, and recently too, i appriciate it with all of my heart, i really do. I know that might not mean much to most of you because it is from a stanger but you guys are awesome people.
You can go ******** off Rellik, thank you for screwing up one of the only places i felt safe, you prejudice, arrogant piece of s**t.
If you would ever swallow your stupid, self-gtratifying pride long enough to apoligize then i will beg your forgiveness, because if you could swallow your prode and apoligize, then i was wrong with you, but something tells me that isn't gonna happen, so I'll just go back to the way it was before i found this ******** YOU.
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:42 am
OVER ******** style="font-size: 10px">Jeez, tone it down. You asked for opinion, you got one, so suck it up and acknowledge it. s**t.
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Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:36 pm
Prince_Padraic Your an a*****e. Don't worry, i accept that you refuse to help me but you need to shut the ******** up when it comes to your stupid and idiotic assumptions. God, you are the main type of person i hate. I used to love this guild becaus eit was a place i could get honest opinions of my poetry, talk in depth about music, get help, and speak openly in what i felt was a safe enviroment but your ******** up assumptions of a stranger's feelings have killed this guild for me. I'm quitting. ANd then your gonna have some smug stupid piece of s**t remark about how i'm being a baby or something, but i can deal with a lot of people, but you are one of the 3 types of people i absolutely can not stand. See you all later, thank you to the ones who helped me in the past, and recently too, i appriciate it with all of my heart, i really do. I know that might not mean much to most of you because it is from a stanger but you guys are awesome people. You can go ******** off Rellik, thank you for screwing up one of the only places i felt safe, you prejudice, arrogant piece of s**t. If you would ever swallow your stupid, self-gtratifying pride long enough to apoligize then i will beg your forgiveness, because if you could swallow your prode and apoligize, then i was wrong with you, but something tells me that isn't gonna happen, so I'll just go back to the way it was before i found this ******** YOU. CHILL OUT Seriously, buddy, you were asking for it. Now you're just a little ungrateful overreacting illegitimate son of a starving artist attempting to screw his mother. Maybe that was taking it a little too far. But you get my point. You asked for advice. You can graciously, politely decline it. Dave was being nice. He was also being logical and reasonable. Chill.
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![[Ashes][is][Ashes]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/a0/32/52a5de971d32a0_flip.png?t=1298872614_6.00_01)