Depressed Partners

[xStephanx]

For pretty much the entire span of my love life, going back to when I was 15 (so that'd be 8 years) I always seem to end up with depressed girls.

Now I have tolerance, and if I can help a gf with her depression or any other emotional pain that might come into her life, I will. But I can't deal with being second place to a mental illness.

My first long-term gf was riddled with it, and it split us up. My most recent gf, who I was with for over a year, I broke up with because she seemed more interested in her depression than me. Now I am with a new girl, and while I love her to bits, guess what? She has major depression as well. Can I ever fall in love with someone who isn't suffering from this single mental illness?

I really want either a medal or release.  

[LelandStanford]

i don't think that i'LL be abLe to give You advice...but i do understand what You're saying...probabLy because i'm Like the one with the probLems...but aLso had the probLem of peopLe introverting on themseLves and i've Lost them because i've tried so hard and got nothing back...

it's painfuL...and obviousLy can't heLp my probLems (s**t happens)...but try Looking at every thing in a positive Light....and if nothing good can come of it...Let it go...  

[xStephanx]

I do look at my relationships in a positive light, and right now I'm very happy, but I just feel like her depression might be a threat to it.

Thanks for the advice though. Coping with a depressed partner is never easy, but it can be done I believe.  

[SC_Anubis]

I know where you are coming from on this one.

I have this nack for getting into relationships with people who are ill. I just have such an interest in helping people that it crosses over into all aspects of my life. Time and again I have become involved with these people with the hopes of helping them. Thus far it has only ended in a lasting relationship only once. This guy has a plethora of things wrong with him, its a wonder he hasn't just shrivaled up and died yet! What kept this relationship going was the establishment of certain rules. The first rule was that I would never give up on him, no matter what. This has also been deeply rooted in my sense of pride and honor. I refuse to abandon him because it would mean that I conceded defeat. I would be a failure and a coward for just leaving. I've invested SO BLOODY MUCH into it that I just can't allow myself to just leave. I've been through hell many times with that relationship and I am proud to say I am the only person he knows, other than his own father, that hasn't abandoned him. We still have our problems, just like anyone else, but I refuse to allow them to dismantle what we've built. You said that depression got in the way of your relationships. I must admit that it is a huge problem and it does make the person seem a little selfish after a while. I aknowlege this, but at this time I also want to say that this depression has somehow made our relationship stonger. He gets so depressed at times that he convinces himself that he isn't worthy of me, even to the point where he tries to drive me away. I must say that now he is finally convinced after these five years that I'm not going anywhere. So at least thats not an issue anymore, but there will always be issues until he is cured. These insecurities are hard to deal with, but when you learn to overcome them it becomes all worth while. My point is that when you learn how to get around the depression and learn how to deal with people correctly, the relationship will flourish beyond anything it would have before hand. I admit that he isn't totally cured, but with everything that I learn to get around our relationship becomes that much more bliss. Not to mention we come to love each other even more! So now I can only imagine how awesome it will be when we get past all his illnesses and issues!

Stick it out and it will pay off, and for extra help you could always study up on psychology and how to interact with people. Certain books really made the difference for me when I read them and picked up a few key things.