I need some advice...On mourning..

[Firenation Innara]

He wasn't really the traditional "family" member...He was my GF's dog, who had previously belonged to her grandparents..His name was Toe White, a little poodle terrier mix, who lived for 15 long years. He had become more than just the family pet, even to me...He was like a little brother, who was cherished, loved, and had a nearly humanlike way of doing things...


He passed away yesterday, January 10th, at approxamately 3PM. We knew his time was coming, and that his enlarged heart would make it
sooner but we had still never imagined it'd be this soon. I had grown so attached to him, so close and fond of him...And so has my girlfriend (its doubly hard on her...) I...Don't quite know how to mourn for him...I don't know how to get past it....


I know this post its self has nothing to do with Wicca or paganism, but if there are ways to help me get past this, i would love to hear them...Especially some religious type of thing....


Sorry if this post is scattered. I feel like a part of my hearts been ripped out and its a bit disorientating, not having him bark every time i come in the door or him licking my big toe in greeting when i wake up...

thanks for taking time reading this, whoever does....  

[TeaDidikai]

Funeral.

That's what they are for. To say goodbye and to wish them well wherever they may go.

Are they going to do something with the remains?  

[Firenation Innara]

most likely...it's just hard talking to my girlfriend about it....i couldn't ask....bleh this topic is bad...sorry everyome...  

[TeaDidikai]

Not a bad topic.

Have you asked your girl friend when they are going to do something?  

[Firenation Innara]

Like i said, its hard to ask her. I can't.  

[TeaDidikai]

The alternative is that you do something private.
But I don't see why you wouldn't just ask to participate- especially if everyone has the strong feelings about the animal that you do.  

[Fiddlers Green]

If you find that rote repetition and processes help you deal with situations, then I suggest Refusal, Rage, Bargaining, Despair, and then Acceptance.

Otherwise, I can only give my broken record response.
Know there are two types of situations in this cosmos:
1. Those you can have an immediate, appreciable, impact upon.
and
2. Those that you must let go.

For my part, when dealing with grief, I like to wallow in the agony, savouring every sweet drop of it. Pain, just like pleasure (truth be told, more so than pleasure), reaffirms my existence. The intensity of feeling can drive me, empower me, and drive my self-destructive verve all at once. But most of all, I Feel it.
Really FEEL it.
But I'm a broken creature, and I doubt that will help anyone else.

I hope some of that may be of use.  

[JewelWoods]

when my dog died i cried for three solid hours. Non stop hysterically. it helped. That dog had been my protector and savior. I still miss him.

Quite honesty i cried more for that dog than i did when one of my best friends died (although i account that to shock)

Just get yourself some nice quiet alone time, and cry your little heart out.

And don't stop at the dog, cry over every thing.  

[Fiddlers Green]

I recall when my darling Boobala (my pet Rat) passed from us... I was inconsolable for at least a month. I don't think I left my room for a week, excepting to bury him.  

[Doctrix]

Not sure how religious this advice is, but sometimes reading poetry helps me during an emotional time. When I lost my dad, some Pagan writings helped: http://wicca.timerift.net/laws/documents.shtml

Try the poems about the God and the Descent.

Examples:

Gardner

Now the Goddess had never loved, but she would solve all mysteries, even the mystery of Death, and so she journeyed to the nether lands. The guardians of the portals challenged her, "Strip off thy garments, lay aside thy jewels, for nought may ye bring with you into this our land." So she laid down her garments and her jewels and was bound as are all who enter the realms of Death, the mighty one.

Such was her beauty that Death himself knelt and kissed her feet, saying: "Blessed be thy feet that have brought thee in these ways. Abide with me, but let me place my cold hand on thy heart." And she replied: "I love thee not. Why dost thou cause all things that I love and take delight in to fade and die?" "Lady," replied Death, "'tis age and fate, against which I am helpless. Age causes all things to wither; but when men die at the end of time, I give them rest and peace and strength so that they may return. But you, you are lovely. Return not; abide with me." But she answered: "I love thee not." Then said Death: "As you receive not my hand on your heart, you must receive Death's scourge." "It is fate, better so," she said, and she knelt. Death scourged her and she cried: "I know the pangs of love." And Death said: "Blessed be," and gave her the fivefold kiss, saying: "Thus only may you attain to joy and knowledge."

And he taught her all the mysteries, and they loved and were one; and he taught her all the magics. For there are three great events in the life of man -- love, death and resurrection in the new body -- and magic controls them all. To fulfill love you must return again at the same time and place as the loved ones, and you must remember and love her or him again. But to be reborn you must die and be ready for a new body; to die you must be born; without love you may not be born, and this is all the magic.

Unknown Author

Heed my call beloved ones,
come unto me and learn the secrets of death and peace.
I am the corn at harvest and the fruit on the trees.
I am He who leads you home. [...]
On swift night wings
it is I who lay you at the Mother's feet
to be reborn and to return again. [...]
Hear my call on long winter nights
and we shall stand together guarding Her Earth
as She sleeps

Unknown Author

I am the Death that must be so that Life may continue,
for behold, Life is immortal because the living must die.

I am the strength that protects, that limits; I am the power
that says No, and NO further, and That Is Enough. I am the
things that cannot be spoken of, and I am the laughter at
the edge of Death.

Come with me into the warm enfolding dark; feel my
caresses in the hands, in the mouth, in the body of one you
love, and be transformed.

Farrars

I give the knowledge of life everlasting,
And beyond death I give the promise of regeneration and renewal.
I am the sacrifice, the father of all things,
And my protection blankets the earth.[...]

Through me all things must die and with me are reborn.
Let my worship be in the body that sings,
For behold all acts of willing sacrifice are my rituals.
Let there be desire and fear, anger and weakness,
Joy and peace, awe and longing within you.
For these too are part of the mysteries found within yourself, within me,
All beginnings have endings, and all endings have beginnings.

Cunningham

I am the master of the beasts wild and free.
I run with the stag and soar as a sacred falcon against
the shimmering sky.
The ancient woods and wild places emanate my powers,
the birds of the air sing of my sanctity.

I am also the last harvest, offering up grain and fruits beneath
the sickle of time so that all may be nourished.
For without planting there can be no harvest;
without winter, no spring.

Worship me as the thousand-named Sun of creation,
the spirit of the horned stag in the wild, the endless harvest.
See in the yearly cycle of festivals my birth, death and
rebirth and know that such is the destiny of all creation.

 

[CuAnnan]

Fiddlers Green

I recall when my darling Boobala (my pet Rat) passed from us... I was inconsolable for at least a month. I don't think I left my room for a week, excepting to bury him.

I had completely forgotten you had a pet rat.

I still miss Nicodemus from time to time. Smartest pet I ever had. Learned to open the cage. Learned to open the keyring belt clip I used to lock it. I bought a padlock with a key, one of those cheap ones, because I was worried he'd learn how to open a combination lock.

Sometimes I expect to feel him on my neck, right now if it took me by surprise, I wouldn't be afraid. He used to nuzzle in behind my hair and groom me.

I still feel his loss but I celebrate him. The time will come when she's ready to let go and my one piece of advice is: mourn him but don't forget to celebrate him.  

[MagickSlushii]

I apologize, and wish the best for you. I hope you and your girlfriend can overcome this, and if you work hard, you both can together. I do not have much advice, but I have had family, friends, and pets die in the past...Best of luck to you....

Slushii  

[Astrox]

When my dog Malmo passed away 5 years ago, we had a little service where we all (mom, dad, sister and I) said something nice about Malmo and then secretly dispersed his ashes into the Pacific Ocean and then threw a frisbee out over the water.  

[Ulfrikr inn Hrafn]

Heilsan,

In the Germanic Folkway, the thing we hope for is a life well lived. Death is an invitable and natural part of life, and for many people, we tend to experience it very rarely. Hence when our animal companions depart, we feel it greater than if death was all around us. The thing to do is remember, for when you do so, the spirit of the person/animal remains strong, for memory is the greatest power available to we whom are left. Those whom make great impressions upon us through our lives, are missed terribly when they are gone, but their spirit lingers on within us, and it is we whom are able to continue to feel their life and spirit even after they have departed. In my tradition, one merely travels to the otherlands, and this includes our animals, whom if we look at traditional burials of the Germanic Folk, often horses, and dogs were buried with us. In the end, there is no real way of preparing for death, either of a beloved companion animal or a person, but if we remember them and their lives, then they too live on.

Ver thu heil