My apologies, my very short poem.

[Renos-fangirl247]

To become a star.
The closest obsession to flying I’ll ever get
Is when I stand at the mountain’s edge
The breath of freedom is all around me
Caressing me, mocking me
My hair whips out behind me
Like a wave of murky water touching the stars.
My eyes glisten with tears as I stare out
Knowing the dream will be too far to reach
Knowing that I will always be sucked to the ground

There is nothing left for me here on earth
Nothing is my life
Nothing is everything to me
I am but a small insignificant ant
Working for my recognition
But only to have the world collapse on my shoulders
Do I have any option but an eternity of suffering?
Or an eternity of the unknown?
The choice is mine own

The frown transforms to smile
The pale light glows with pleasure
Hope and help happiness
May be there at there far above
All it takes, is one jump
One jump that will change my life forever
With that I leap off the ledge
Flying like an angel through the sky
Happiness, I’ve touched the stars.


Yeah... I was a little bit emo when I wrote this. I hope you guys like it smile This isn't to poetic as it has no special techniques but I hope it's okay.  

[gemela_dos]

Wow, I really like that, even if it is a bit emo, because that does't even matter, and emo poems are more deep sometimes. I'm not very good at commenting people's work, but I wanted you to know that I think your poem is great biggrin  

[Renos-fangirl247]

gemela_dos

Wow, I really like that, even if it is a bit emo, but emo poems are more dep sometimes. I'm not very good at commenting people's work, but I wanted you to know that I think your poem is great biggrin

Thank you so much, your support menas a lot to me! I'm not normally emo, but I was then and the poem seemed to work. Thank you again whee heart biggrin 4laugh smile  

[Lhia Dunwaith]

I can relate. Very much, in fact. (Except for the whole emo-ness.) I've always wanted to fly. What's the apology for? It's a great poem, and just because it's short doesn't mean it's not good!  

[Feline Anachronism]

I really like that; very emotional and easy to relate to.

Just one thing...

Quote:

The choice is mine own

I think that line would flow better if it were changed to The choice is my own.  

[Lady Pole]

The whole poem is great the way it is or the first stanza could stand on its own as a sort of nature heightened awareness sort of thing or like realizing how small humans are in the great universe. "My hair whips out behind me
Like a wave of murky water touching the stars. " Beautiful.  

[Ame damnee]

Wow.. i read this and i was amazed.. i can relate to this, emo-ness and everything sadly.. my lifes dream is to fly.. i would do anything for one chance y'know?  

[beaulolais]

have you ever dreamed of flying?

i have had recurring dreams that i could hold a talisman and fly by its power.

what was interesting was that i was not stretched out lengthwise like Superman, but standing straight up, yet moving through the air.

it seems this is something with which many of us can identify.  

[NarutoAvatarHp]

Whoa... great poem! When I read it, all the way through it I was getting chills. You are an awesome writer! 4laugh  

[Renos-fangirl247]

Lhia_Dunwaith

I can relate. Very much, in fact. (Except for the whole emo-ness.) I've always wanted to fly. What's the apology for? It's a great poem, and just because it's short doesn't mean it's not good!

Thank you *hug* That was very nice of you. I guess i was still emo as I posted it but I'm happy now xD I've always wanted to fly too, but my first attempt ended in... actually I was okay but it could have been broken leg sweatdrop

Quote:

have you ever dreamed of flying?

i have had recurring dreams that i could hold a talisman and fly by its power.

what was interesting was that i was not stretched out lengthwise like Superman, but standing straight up, yet moving through the air.

it seems this is something with which many of us can identify.

Wow... I see. I haven't ever dreamt of flying like that but that could be cool. Thank you so much whee

Quote:

Wow.. i read this and i was amazed.. i can relate to this, emo-ness and everything sadly.. my lifes dream is to fly.. i would do anything for one chance y'know?

Sniff, thnak you so much; I'm sorry oyu can relate to the emoness but I'm very happy you like my poem heart I'd love ot fly too, maybe one day in life, humans will be able too. Check tihs out, I'm trying to force humans to evolve wings by flapping my should/backbone, I'm double jointed by the way so I can) so in 500000000000000 years time we may be able to fly.... errrr yeah.... why do I even bother?

Quote:

The whole poem is great the way it is or the first stanza could stand on its own as a sort of nature heightened awareness sort of thing or like realizing how small humans are in the great universe. "My hair whips out behind me
Like a wave of murky water touching the stars. " Beautiful.

I love oyu loads! I really got happy reading this! I love how you've interpreted this and spotted tihngs i didn't sweatdrop Thank you so much heart

Quote:

I really like that; very emotional and easy to relate to.

Just one thing...


Quote:
The choice is mine own



I think that line would flow better if it were changed to The choice is my own.

Why thank you heart Yep, I'll change that. Sorry it's just a regional dialect in where I live, we tend to say mine own a lot. I'll change it late *hugs*

Quote:

Whoa... great poem! When I read it, all the way through it I was getting chills. You are an awesome writer!

Seriously? Why thank you so much *hugs to death* Sorry about giving you the chills though sweatdrop I got them writing it too xd  

[beaulolais]

i personally like the "mine own", it has a haunting ring to it like a medieval ballad.