Welcome to Gaia! ::

My best friend in the whole world is Kelce. I've known her since 5th grade and I've trusted her with everything. Even my cutting problem. At the very begining of the school year we got in a fight. It was because I thought she was doing something that she really was'nt. And allthough I did'nt mean to piss her off we still got in a fight. She told me how much of a shitty a** friend I was for thinking she would do something like this. Every time I tried to explain to her why I think she was doing this, While trying not to offend her she would'nt listen. Eventually she started sending me Txt messages telling me how she was crying because of what a crappy friend I was. But even though she kept telling me this she would'nt let me talk about why I thought she would do this. I started to cry and I did'nt know any other way to deal with this. So I reached into my dresser and pulled out my razor. Just my luck that I would get blood on my shirt and it would suck if my mom found out I cut. So Kelce called me back later and kept saying "you know I'm still crying."
I was starting to get really ******** pissed and just yelled at her saying "Oh boo ******** hoo Kelce, I'm crying and I have blood on my shirt. I'm sorry for ever accusing you of doing such a thing I did'nt know it would hurt you this much!" and long pause before kelce asked me how I got blood on my shirt. I just replied saying "how do you think?" after another long pause she said "Why would you do that?" I took some time to think about how I was going to say this. So then I said "Because you're the only person I trust and when you don't listen to me I feel like theres no other way then to cut." while crying like I had never heard her before kelce said
"Don't do that. Don't do that."
I haven't cut since.

Later on as the year progressed I started to hand around another friend named Katherine more often. She's a very funny and Kind girl however Kelce had a problem with this saying how I always ignore her around Katherine. It got so bad to the point Kelce told me that Kathering was "Planning" to get me as her best friend because she hated everyone I hung out with. I just pretended to believe her because most of the time theres no reasoning with Kelce. Yes me and Katherine did become very good friends but me and Kelce started to get in more and more fights.
Every time I thought about cuting myself I would just think about the fight me and kelce got in and how she told me to stop cutting. So I did'nt. After a while I tried to pay more attention to Kelce when Katherine was around.
And Katherine and Kelce started to seem to get along really well.

A little later Katherine and Kelce started acting like best friends. They would always spend the night at each others house, Come up with inside jokes, and be really happy together. So I started feeling a little left out. I told Kelce that it feels like she had been ignoring me Kelce and Katherine both said that she hadn't been ignoring me. So then I just went with it as if nothing had changed.

Now Katherine and Kelce are always together. The other day Kelce got angry at me for doing something which I thought was no big deal. She said that a while ago she had done the same thing as me and I had gotten angry at her for it and stopped talking to her for a week. I told I did not remember her which I think got her more angry and then she got Katherine involved and told me that Katherine rememberd that it happened. So I just said that I believed her but I still don't remember it happening.

Yesterday I asked Kelce if she wanted to spend the night on Sunday cause we have monday off of school. She said it was OK but I told her that I would have to talk my mom into it so we had it planned. Today I called to tell her it was ok to come over now and she said that she was spending the night at Katherine. I asked her why when we had already made plans for tonight. She said she was sorry and that she had forgotten. This just happened to struck me and I was on the verge of crying. Me and Kelce have been getting in more fights, I don't trust Kelce or anyone with anything anymore, And now Kelce and Katherine are such good friends. I feel left out. I've had a problem with this for a few weeks now. I want to talk to Kelce about this but I'm afraid she will get angry at me for blamming her on why I've been so depressed lately. So I've gone back to cutting. I don't know how else do deal with this. I've asked my mom if I could transfer schools in hope of finding a new best friend but she said no unless I want to move in with my dad and grandma. Which I don't so I feel like cutting is the only way to deal with this.
I find myself nearling crying at school when I see Kelce and Katherine together practicully ignoring me. I have even skipped school so I won't have to see this Happening.

I just want my best friend back.

Thanks.

Not to uh...be mean or anything but...When you read everything you posted, it kinda sounds like it's all about you.

I'm going through the same thing right now, except no cutting I think thats stupid. My friend has been in what you would call a b***h,& its stressing me out so I ignore my friend, because I know she's doing it for attention. I wait till she comes to me because she notices that ignore her. So far its been going well & I am finding out who are my true friends are. Its okay you can do better than that so called friend of yours.