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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:41 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:43 am
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EXTREME MAKEOVER: ORGANIZATION XIII EDITION
By Lhia_Dunwaith
Scene 1: The Hallway. Zexion and Larxene are in an empty white hallway. Roxas is filming.
Zexion: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to “EXTREME MAKEOVER: ORGANIZATION XIII EDITION”, brought to you by… um… Larxene, who are our sponsors again?
Larxene: We don’t have any. We’re poor, and we’re Nobodies.
Zexion: Ah. Yes. Brought to you by… us. Today, we are going to TOTALLY make over one of our associates. Let’s see who that unluc- I mean, LUCKY person will be.
Larxene: (taking a piece of paper out of a cardboard box) It’s Vexen! Let’s show our viewers a “before” photo, shall we?
(Vexen’s picture comes up on the screen. Everyone gasps as they see his disgusting hair.)
Larxene: Yes. It pains me to know that there are even uglier people in this universe. I feel that Zexy and I will have to work our hardest if we want to end up with a good result.
Zexion: I told you not to call me that on camera.
Larxene: Call you what?
Zexion: (uncomfortable) That… name. Every time I say it, the “z” ends up sounding like an “s”.
Larxene: Fine. Let’s go surprise Vexen now. He’s in the middle of an important, high-ranking conference. I’m sure all his friends will be…impressed. (gives evil grin)
(The two of them dash through the white hallways with the cameras following them closely. Larxene, being much faster than Zexion, is ahead by about twenty meters. Eventually, they stop in front of a white door.)
Zexion: (whispering) He’s in here. Shall we listen in on what they’re saying?
Unknown Voice: (coming from inside conference room) There are these stupid teenage boys running around all over the place. They’re smashing our best vases and getting footprints on the furniture. The security squad’s been putting out new vases, but the boys smash those, too-
(Zexion and Larxene barge in mid-sentence. Gathered around a table are Lexaeus, Vexen, Axel, and Xemnas. There is one empty chair.)
Lexaeus: Zexion! You’re here! It’s about time, too, you’re an hour late!
Xemnas: What is the meaning of this outrage?!
Larxene: We’re here for Vexen. He’s won a free makeover, sponsored by… well… us.
Vexen: Who’s “us”?
Zexion: Why, “EXTREME MAKEOVER: ORGANIZATION XIII EDITION”, of course! Silly goose!
Vexen: (sarcastic) Oh. Of course. Didn’t the two of you dress Marluxia up in pigtails, Abercrombie, and a tie last week?
Larxene: (whining) That was Zexion’s idea. I’M going to be in control of the fashion department this time.
Lexaeus: Really? Are you sure you’ll be any better than him? All you wear is black with silver chains, day after day. NOT very attractive.
Larxene: It’s called a UNIFORM, you moron.
Xemnas: And I regulate those uniforms, Lexaeus. I enforce the use of uniforms to ensure that nothing like last week’s catastrophe happens again! Marluxia was the laughingstock of the whole castle yesterday, what with that Avercomby trash…
Larxene: Uhhh… it’s ABERCROMBIE.
Xemnas: Same difference.
Vexen: Besides, you only want to humiliate me. I like my hair the way it is.
Axel: *gag*
Vexen: Axel! Larxene! The two of you should…
Larxene and Axel: (mocking) …respect your elders. We KNOW.
Lexaeus: But Vexen, you should do it. Who knows? Maybe Larxene can actually give you a better hairstyle.
Vexen: (rounding on him) Is my hair THAT BAD?
Lexaeus: Well… yeah. It is.
Vexen: Fine. FINE. But if you-
Axel: Come on, Vexen. You’re No. 4. What can Larxene do to you? Besides, I’m sure that you can kill her with your mad ice skills, anyway-
Larxene: I WASN’T ASKING YOU!
Axel: (puckering his lips) Awww, it’s okay, honey. A kiss’ll make it better.
Larxene: JERK!
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:46 am
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Scene 2: Larxene’s Lair. This fashion mistress is under control here. A rack of shampoos, scissors, and hairstyling mixes surrounds a barber’s shop seat in front of a mirror. On the other side of the room is a mini mall, filled with things that, if worn to a meeting, would make Xemnas wet his pants.
Vexen: Okay, how am I going to be tortured first? The hair or the clothes?
Larxene: You pick.
Vexen: Hair, I guess. Where’s Zexion?
Larxene: Re-reading through his psychology books. He’s going to be your new life coach in a few hours.
Vexen: I don’t need a life coach!
Larxene: You don’t think you need a new haircut, either. Now, climb up into this chair so I can pick the best style for your face shape.
(He obliges.)
Larxene: Hmmm. (puts scissors in mouth; looks dangerous) It might look best if you just shaved it all off.
Vexen: WHAT?!
Larxene: Kidding, of course. I said that to Marluxia last week, and his reaction was the same. I think we should try something… bold.
Vexen: Oh no. I’m screwed.
Larxene: Whatever. What if… we DID shave your head? That would be bold, for sure! Besides, it’d be easier to wash. When was the last time your hair was cut?
Vexen: No idea.
Larxene: Eeew. I don’t even want to touch it. It looks like one big, greasy chipmunk.
Vexen: A… chipmunk? Where’d that come from?
Larxene: No idea. But it’s a good analogy, don’t you think?
Vexen: *cough* Ummm… no.
Larxene: I’m gonna have to put on some gloves. This chipmunk could be rabid, for all I know.
Vexen: You are so weird.
Larxene: Also, please don’t move when the razor’s on. You’ll make me nervous. I’ve never shaved a person’s head before. Well, I’ve never used a razor like this before. It’s one of those huge electric ones that weigh, like, twenty pounds.
Vexen: (scared for his life) Don’t drop it, okay?
Larxene: I make no guaranties, buddy.
Vexen: BLAAUK! What am I doing here? OUCH!
Larxene: Whoops! THAT was close! It looks like you tried to behead yourself now, but hey- better than having no head at all!
Vexen: Yeowch. Is this all a plot for you and Zexion to kill me, or what? Next you might try to poison me, or-
Larxene: Stop being a loser. There we go! All shaved! Overall, it’s not that bad of a job, you know?
Vexen: (screaming with shame) I HAVE SPIKES! I LOOK LIKE… AXEL!
Larxene: No, you don’t. Axel’s much cuter, and his hair’s red. Hmmm… you do have a point, though… I’ll just make you bald. Hey, you can pick: bald or buzz cut?
Vexen: If I pick bald, you’re going to shave off my whole goshdang scalp. If I pick buzz cut, everyone’s going to laugh.
Larxene: So you’re going with bald?
Vexen: I guess so. Goodbye, Forehead. It was nice having you.
Larxene: Are you seriously scared for your life?
Vexen: Yes.
Larxene: Coooool.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:52 am
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Scene 3: The Counseling Room. A now bald Vexen discovers how much more there is to life, even when you are a Nobody. He and Zexion are inside a small, cramped room lined with bookshelves.
Zexion: Hello, Vexen. Glad you’re still alive.
Vexen: I am, too. When is thing over with?
Zexion: Depends on how much effort you put in. If you try hard enough to change your world, then we can be out of here in an hour. Okay. First, tell me a bit about yourself.
Vexen: (stares) You know, like, all about me, Zexion.
Zexion: You ruin everything.
Vexen: What are you talking about?! I’m just saying that anyone who even watches this dumb video will know that you know all about me!
Zexion: Pretend, Vexen. Pretend I’m a complete stranger. You must know what pretending is, right? You do it in kindergarten, then you think it’s stupid in first grade, then your imagination dies out and WHAM! (claps his hands together, producing a loud bang- Vexen jumps back in his seat) You’re a goner.
Vexen: Whatever. Hmmm… let’s see… I love anything to do with ice. Especially iced lattes. And killing people with my mad ice skills.
Zexion: What would you do if you suddenly didn’t have ice powers anymore?
Vexen: I’d be lost.
Zexion: I… see. Another topic: how do you feel about fire?
Vexen: (shudders) I hate it. Hate it. Hate it.
Zexion: I think you’re just scared of it.
Vexen: FINE!!! I’M SICK OF IT! I WAS ALWAYS THE ONLY KID WHO DIDN’T HAVE A BIRTHDAY CAKE WHEN I WAS LITTLE! I MISSED OUT ON ALL THE CAMPING TRIPS! I-
Zexion: That’s it. Let out your fears.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 2:35 pm
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 10:11 pm
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Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:55 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 6:19 am
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