Star Trek Quote/Jokes

[Baron White]

You might be a Trekkie:

1. If you've ever been in a fist fight over who is better Captain Picard or Captain Kirk...

2. If you think that Captain Janeway is sexier than Princess Leia...

3. If your fantasy includes Lt. Uhura sitting on the edge of your bed saying "Hailing frequencies open"...

4. If your screen saver says "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated"...

5. If you find yourself in a jam and say "Scotty, beam me up!"...

6. If you believe that Ross Perot owns a copy of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition...

7. If you believe Ross Perot is a Ferengi...

8. If someone says good morning to you and you answer "Ka Plah!"...

9. If you know the proper Vulcan greeting and response...

10. If you can tell the difference between a Vulcan and a Romulan...

11. If you can name all the people who have ever been captain of the Enterprise...

12. If you think Q-Tips is a self-help book written by a certain Star Trek character...

13. If you have the Klingon version of Hooked on Phonics...

14. If you find a hairball and think it's a Tribble...

15. If you believe there is an alternate universe where you are captain of the Enterprise...

16. If you learned to pick up women by watching Captain Kirk...

17. If you keep flipping open your cell phone hoping to get a communique from Scotty...

18. If you here someone say "he's an enterprising young man," and you look for his communicator...

19. If you get in your car and say engage...

20. If you believe George Lucas is the Anti-Christ...

21. If your girlfriend tells you "it's either me or Star Trek!" and you wave good-bye...

22. If you think Hillary Clinton would look good in Lt. Uhura's uniform...

23. If you wrote in James T. Kirk for President with running mate Pavel Chekov...

24. If you walk into your kitchen and look for a replicator...

25. If you think Kahless will come back before Jesus does...  

[Baron White]

Your captain might be redneck if:

- your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month.
- he paints flames on the warp nacelles.
- you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob".
- he refers to Klingons as "Critters".
- he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns".
- he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.
- he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies".
- he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.
- he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage".
- he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.
- he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba".
- he paints the starship green.
- he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special".
- he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp".
- he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.  

[SevenJanewayLufferBunnies]

Shopping_Spree_101

Janeway: "There's coffee in that nebula"
I forget which episode

I forget too, but wasn't it the one where the replicator crystals are depleted and they find that nebula and they get stuck with those shrimp krill things? Or am I thinking of something else?

Besides the point, I loved that quote. I burst out laughing!  

[Shai_Hulud]

Baron White

- Phrases like 'sentient being' start creeping into your speech patterns.

Along with that, a friend of mine noted that I refer to the human species in third person.  

[Shopping_Spree_101]

Seven of Nine: You're glowing. Your epidermis luminesced.
I love that.  

[SevenJanewayLufferBunnies]

I'm not sure which episode, or if this is her, but I heard this somewhere:

"Let the fun commence."  

[satien]

"you gotta clear your mask before you get certified, it's were your instituter's fills your mask with water and you fores it out with your nose. Nobody likes to do it, well he dose it on the first try! and then he dose it again just make sure.
So this one time I took um out on a night dive down to these caves I knew inside and out...well I kinna got a little lost and in comes big mr. starfleet and finds some old shaft and get's us out."
"well whadda you do?"
"I was the INSTRUCTOR"
*laughing"
"so then I deseided to introduce him to old Waldo"
"and who was that?"
"Waldo was this big ol morra eal"
"A morra eal are you outa of your mind?!"
"so I took him down to Waldo's hole told him there were some beautiful starfish inside, now I was braken about every rule in the book but I figured he was wearing titanium mesh woes Waldo would do was scare him a bit"
"and?"
"no such luck. He reached in grabbed Waldo pulled him clean out of his hole!..I don't think I had ever seen that eil's tail before then, turns out he found some pressure point under his jay about here"
*malcolm imitates jabbing his thumb under his jaw*
"so what did that captain do to you?"
"nothin he thought it was funnier than I did...he took me out to dinner that night stake, lobsters, and Kentucky bourbon."

Trip and Malcolm- Shuttle pod one, deleted scean  

[Nekoni Awabuki]

Lunarflowermaiden

"On Vulcan, the 'teddy bears' are alive and they have six-inch fangs." Spock

Love that episode! When McCoy hears of the 'Teddy Bear' you can watch as his face lite up like a light bulb ^^

 

[Tevakh]

A few quotes from
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"Vhere do you keep your nuclear wessels?"
Pavel Chekov

"Gracie is pregnant."
Spock

"We like Italian."
Jim Kirk

"No, I'm from Iowa; I just work in outer space."
Jim Kirk

"Keptin - there be whales here!"
Scotty

"Go ahead - stun me!"
Chekov's interrogator

"How do we know he didn't invent the thing?"
Scotty

"You won't save him by drilling holes in his head!"
Bones