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Is Ranting a good stress reliever? |
The best! |
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25% |
[ 12 ] |
I think Art is a better outlet |
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18% |
[ 9 ] |
Stress??? WHAT STRESS??? *twitch twitch* |
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56% |
[ 27 ] |
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Total Votes : 48 |
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 5:05 pm
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Stupid DJ thought "rock" was Katy freeking Perry!!! crying It was horrible, rap and hip hop non-stop for 3 hours, the same songs repeated over and over again, and all sounding the same.... we begged and begged the DJ... He played one Katy Perry song, when we asked for rock, he gave us main stream FREEKING POP!!! crying crying crying My boyfriend spent $18 for us to go, we had not been out on a date in ages, literally, we had not been on a real date in about 4 months, also because he has no money and we can hardly ever get rides or use the sucky public transportation here.... we could of gone out to eat, or we could of saved it and put it back to celebrate our upcoming 2 year anniversery, or he could of taken us out to eat, or have gotten me something... (besides the last roses he's gotten me, a total of $7 or so spent, the last gift he gave me was a dog-tag necklace that was his when I was upset over the summer.... and before that, an old stuffed animal of his he had since he was a kid.... and I can't even remember anything else of recent: and that was months ago. He wasn't even able to get any money to get me something on my birthday... crying crying crying )
I have the rose right now, made of glass, it's all scratched up with marks on it and one of the leaves is broken off... it was the last one they had... and it's clear, so was $2... the first one was red and $5, mom scratched up the stem, then when I showed it to her, as she was looking at it, she dropped it and it broke and we couldn't fix it crying crying crying crying
This is depressing.... this is SO DAMN DEPRESSING! We can't even spend either our year and nine month marking point together, or Halloween, or do anything because he can't get a job nor can he drive! It's been almost two years, I love him to death, but it has been taking it toll on me! It's hard to feel loved when you don't feel beloved. And even when I did, it wasn't right.... I can't even say how all this makes me feel right now.
I dressed up super-gothic loli to the dance, our first one together also, mind you... black layered skirt with white crosses on it, and an elegant black lace shirt, with a black lace-up corset over it, my best black lacy feet-killing high heeled shoes. My skirt is saved for special occasions (worn it twice in three years), since I spent $60 on it from Retroscope Fahions and waited for over a year to buy it, my corset was about $50-$60, the lace shirt was very detailed and elegant, the shoes were priced at $30 or so..... I also spent a ton of time making my make up look perfect and making my hair look perfect and arranging the black feather and rose head piece, a black lace choker with little silver crosses and chains dangling from it.... he didn't even complement how I looked.
It's sad when you have to beg for a complement or approval, and point out SEVERAL times and ask for something, when you never really ever get anything, and you try your best to give them everything and pay whenever you can.... he only got me the first and second rose because I had to ask and point it out, the first one, I had to say while still staring at it for a while, "There's nothing more pathetic than a girl who has to buy her own flowers." Then he asks what he is suppose to do....
I know it's horrible for me to complain, but it hurts, and hell, this is the rant box, right? I've kept it all in for so long, and honestly, it needs to get out. It hurts like hell. It doesn't make me feel that he knows me, not really. He bought he cds for Christmas, we had been dating for over a year by then.... I thought he would get me a bracelet, even a cheap something, something personal.... I spent so much time and thought into what I've given him, everything... the expensive watch, the wallet, the 3-layer chocolate professional-looking cake I made him, the 4+ hours I spent hand sewing a gift for him....... I payed for part and went out and bought the ring he "gave" me, I've payed for atleast part of pratically everything he's ever gotten me. For last valentines day, not even a $2 rose....
It makes him really upset when I mention these things, is that self pity or what? Who is he sad for? I would just think after all the sacrifices and risks I've taken for him, that he would love me more and care about me more. He says he does, he can write sappy endings to lovenotes on lined paper ripped out of a binder... I gave him money to get me some things, cute little skelanimal stickers from a place 1 block away from his house, waited a week, he never got them, never gave me my money back. "I'm forgetful", that's what he said.... not even "I'm sorry", when I said something sarcastically about it, I then had to try to make him feel better.
He cares, right? I'm not just an object or a nice arm accessory, or something to lean onto, right? I'm not just something for him to spend his time on and pretend to care about, or to distract him, right....
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Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 10:10 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:36 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:39 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2010 2:35 pm
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 1:11 pm
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Posted: Sun May 30, 2010 11:24 pm
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Posted: Tue Jun 01, 2010 6:42 pm
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High-functioning Shapeshifter
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Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:03 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 3:40 pm
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Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 1:58 am
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Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 7:13 pm
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1. I.Dont.Fit.In.ANYWHERE And theres nothing I can do about it. Theres not a single label you can put to me other than Outcasted freak. But even then I don't really fit THAT either. So I'm just a total freak, when I want to be goth or something to do with industrial. Well I guess you can call that on me and say Freak is a label, but that would be logical.
2. I hate my new school, I hate the house, I hate the city, I hate the state, the new classes, being left behind by all my friends at home, my relationship going down the tubes. Thanks mom, I see how it is. You didn't think of any one else when you let your mothers convince you to move did you? No, you didn't.
3. I've never felt more alone and unsure in my whole life. I feel like a Zombie all the time recently when usually my mood is never bad for more than a few hours or a day. No one cares anymore. I had this stage of life, no one wants to hear you rants and trade rants with you. No one wants to sit down and role play anymore or talk on the phone, or just hang out, or believes in magic, or even wants to talk anymore.
4. I'm thinking I can't be straight. Or Gay. Or Bi. With the weird issues I have with dating and doing sexual things (Even though I have no reason to be weird about them) I am. So I'm thinking Im Asexual (doesnt want women or men, or anything else for that matter) But I'm in a long term relationship. I can't just let go. UGH.
In conclusion: UGH.
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