Discipline = or =/= Magic?

[Aesi]

I'm considering starting the introductory course laid out in "Learning Ritual Magic" by Greer, Vaughn and King. But I'm nervous about my neurosis. sweatdrop Rather, I have some problems in any dedicated work with my own energies. These are problems I know the source of, but I have no idea how to deal with them.

My biggest motivation in wanting to undertake this course is having a framework for discipline and memory development (a major interest, since my memory sucks). That said, I don't know enough about it to understand whether or not I can pursue parts of the course independently of the rest. However, even these... even these down-to-earth sections are designed to open the student's mind to higher functions. I can live with my problems now and I don't like the idea that they may be amplified by these practices. But I don't want them to get in the way of the person I want to be.

Am I worrying too much? Without being able to even correctly identify my problems, can I still overcome them as I go forward with observant, cautious, and devoted practice and study of ritual? Or should I back off my ambitions until I have a clearer picture?  

[Kal Eldritch]

Worries are good sometimes. They tell us that you're a human and not an automaton.

If it's okay with me asking, what neurosis do you have that would get worse with these people's courses on ritual? And really, if you're that worried about it, you might need to consult somebody about your fears before you try anything that would possibly make it worse, even if only you think it would make it worse.

It might do a world of good to reflect and try to figure out just what your problems are. Right now, it sort of sounds like general anxiety or caution at trying something new, but who the hell am I to give a diagnosis?  

[Aesi]

As far as reflecting, I've been doing it for four years and this is where it's gotten me. Well, I haven't found only bad points, even if I might come across as having easily triggered self-doubt. I am happy with my personal course and in getting to know myself, I've come to really like myself.

Neuroses probably wasn't the right word. My concerns aren't really on the psychological. That's stuff I can eventually sort out on my own. But there are, hmm, blockages in my energies. Putting either of my hands over the quartz points at my store makes my hand involuntarily draw energy out of the quartz. That wouldn't be too bad if I could do something with the energy, but it makes my hand jump because it isn't going anywhere once drawn. That is, it seems to be rebounding on some barrier. And this barrier I can't do anything about because I haven't been able to poke at the edges, so to speak, without my hand's nerves or muscles reacting. And this kind of thing is not only present in my hands. There's one in the center of my chest and one in the base of my neck.