Going to Hell

[ToshiYoko]

I don't know how many people have told me that I'm going to Hell for my beliefs... Some of them I know are wife-beaters and alcholics. But we are going to hell for our beliefs... Here's something that is really funny:

On her radio show recently, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.



Dear Dr. Laura:



Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.



I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.



1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?



2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.



4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?



5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?



6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?



7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?



8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?



9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?



10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two differentcrops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)



I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.



Your adoring fan,



James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.



Professor Emeritus

----This was originally posted by Erika on myspace.  

[TeaDidikai]

It's also moot (which is the point of the letter).

The Jewish People don't have a concept of "hell" like Christendom does.

The Christians don't hold the Ceremonial Law as valid, as Yeshua paid the final sin offering with his own blood.

---- Even that aside, the Bible (Torah and otherwise) doesn't damn witchcraft or paganism.

The Jewish People don't have an active conversion policy because they are their gods "Chosen People".

The prohibitions listed are against people who violate cultural laws and the Law within the Torah- none of which has survived the Hebrew to Greek to Latin to journy very well at all, save for in scholarly circles.

If a Jewish person or a Christian person looks at say- Deo and tells her she is going to Hel(l), Deo is likely to agree. After all, Sheol and Hel aren't too far off in nature.


Now that my little rant about the lack of context in YHVH's modern faiths- let me address this issue:

If you are having problems with people coming up and telling you that you're going to hell for what you believe- STOP MAKING YOURSELF A TARGET! dramallama


Thank you. Come again.  

[ToshiYoko]

TeaDidikai

It's also moot (which is the point of the letter).

The Jewish People don't have a concept of "hell" like Christendom does.

The Christians don't hold the Ceremonial Law as valid, as Yeshua paid the final sin offering with his own blood.

---- Even that aside, the Bible (Torah and otherwise) doesn't damn witchcraft or paganism.

The Jewish People don't have an active conversion policy because they are their gods "Chosen People".

The prohibitions listed are against people who violate cultural laws and the Law within the Torah- none of which has survived the Hebrew to Greek to Latin to journy very well at all, save for in scholarly circles.

If a Jewish person or a Christian person looks at say- Deo and tells her she is going to Hel(l), Deo is likely to agree. After all, Sheol and Hel aren't too far off in nature.


Now that my little rant about the lack of context in YHVH's modern faiths- let me address this issue:

If you are having problems with people coming up and telling you that you're going to hell for what you believe- STOP MAKING YOURSELF A TARGET! dramallama


Thank you. Come again.

Thanks... I used to have this problem... I was making a point, but I don't make myself a target anymore... I don't tell anyone about my beliefs unless they ask... I learned about making that mistake in high school. Thanks for the advice though. I just thought that this thing that was posted was interesting and might interest others as well.  

[Kuroiban]

I actually can answer a few of these questions. biggrin

ToshiYoko

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Fabreze solves everything

ToshiYoko

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Maple syrup makes them too sticky.

ToshiYoko

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

If he's working on Sunday, he's already dead inside; moot point.

ToshiYoko

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

By bleaching their hair first, so the color takes better. -Buh-dum-bum DING!-

ToshiYoko

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two differentcrops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

New scripture tells us that fighting dysfuctional family members can only take place of Jerry Springer.  

[ToshiYoko]

Ha... that's funny... it is true that today's standards are different and so are today's Christians and Jews... Personally, I feel that if a person says that they are Christian, then, they should do what Christian are suppose to do, which I heard was live by the Bible... I know too many that don't and it makes those who do get a bad rep... so... there you go.  

[Kuroiban]

ToshiYoko

Ha... that's funny... it is true that today's standards are different and so are today's Christians and Jews... Personally, I feel that if a person says that they are Christian, then, they should do what Christian are suppose to do, which I heard was live by the Bible... I know too many that don't and it makes those who do get a bad rep... so... there you go.

Meh, I've dealt with fluffs of all types; by perportion there are just as many idiotic, fluffed out members of every other religion. Fluffy Christans (and to a certain extent, fluffy milliteristic-Isamics) just happen to be happen to the idiots who are being vocal right now.

The average member of a given religion isn't doing any special...they're just trying to make peace and be at one with...well...whatever they think runs this freak show we call life. mrgreen  

[Hypomanic Poet]

ToshiYoko

Dear Dr. Laura,

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Because we just rock that hard.