[MM PRP] In the Bushes (Kursha + Sarcel)

[Green Minuet]

Kursha and Sarcel have a make out session.

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

With the dust settling and most of the attention on the recently back-from-the-dead Tigwyn Ioyana, Kursha took a moment to survey the ragtag band of investigators. No one had perished during the night's events, though more than a few had sustained serious wounds, himself included. Thankfully, they were in good hands. Flydra proved herself more than capable of managing the workload, even as overwhelmed as she was.

The greenblood's eyes drifted away from Flydra and her numerous patients to further down the path where Sarcel stood by herself, coat fluttering in the breeze. She wore a stiff expression as she regarded the remains of the hive and the trolls gathered around it, likely doing the same thing as himself: analysing, reviewing, revising. Or she might have been zoning out due to blood loss. Either seemed like a safe bet.

Appearing behind the blueblood, Kursha snaked an arm around her shoulders. “Hey, Sarce~!” he drawled. He leaned in towards the blueblood, bearing an all too friendly grin. The danger behind the façade was confirmed a second later, when his fingers dug into her shoulder with a grip that was decidedly less friendly. “Do you have a moment? I wanna chat. Greeeeeat~!”

Kursha did not give a chance for the blueblood to reply. Squeezing her close so she could not escape, he steered her away from the hive. He did not take her far. Towards the edge of the property where the treeline began, Kursha stopped her at a once ornamental bush, now grown wild. He cast a furtive glance over his shoulder at the crowd gathered around the ruins. No one seemed to be paying him any attention. He suspected that was a safe enough distance. Suddenly, Kursha yanked Sarcel out of sight.

Crouched among the weeds, he delivered a flat look at the blueblood. “What's your status?” he asked, nodding pointedly towards her lookstub.

&&melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Sarcel was in fact surveying, thinking, lamenting. She did not frown, but her lips were taught. She was tense. The situation seemed under control if nothing else, and no one had died. The mission was, all bumps aside, a success.

Still, it wouldn't be remember as one, not by Sarce. Her actions would always be a stain on her badge, and Eridia's outburst weight heavily against the military. It would take some time and some care work to reconstruct trust in the civilians who had bore witness to either event. Before she had time to think any longer on the matter, Kursha had managed to find her (Not that it was particularly hard).

"Don't--" call me Sarce, she wanted to say. It cut short whenever his grip cut into her shoulder. It was one of the precious few places that hadn't been totally battered from the night's activities, but she still winced outwardly. Hard to keep it together when her body was in growing state of agony, thanks to the pain medication starting to wear off.

Where are we going? was the next question she couldn't quite make herself ask. Kursha was her commanding officer, and something told her this wasn't going to amount to his usual bullshit. She followed him awkwardly around the hive, her much shorter legs trying to keep him as he leg her away.

And there it was, that flat look confirmed most things. "This?" Her body unconsciously went through the same motions that it had with Lorata, "It's nothing for you to be concerned with, Captain. I'm alive and that's all that matters." Despite that, she made the mistake of breaking eye contact. It was strange glancing to the side, how half of her world was obscured, how she swore she could still feel her other eye moving in tandem despite the pain. She swallowed.

"What did you really want to talk about?" Surely it was less about her well being and more about her s**t show of a performance.

Green Minuet

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

Kursha kept his eyes locked with the blueblood's. His expression did not change even as she averted her gaze, though the muscles in his jaw clenched at her response. You are not my friend, Sarcel reminded him. Her words had the distinct effect of establishing the boundary between them. Still, he waited a beat to see if she might change her mind.

“I see,” he surrendered at last, when it became clear she had no intent of offering any further information. He swallowed down the bitter feeling that accompanied the rejection. He could feel bad about himself later. Now was not the time to be selfish. He maintained a cool, level voice. “I'm glad to hear it.”

Adjusting himself to be more comfortable, Kursha rested his elbows over the top of his legs, and crossed his wrists between his knees. Down to business then. “You already have a good idea, I bet,” he remarked, searching for her single eye. “So how about it? You wanna tell me about the s**t you pulled during Schrad's seance?”

Melancholies

 

[Melancholies]

Sarcel made a quiet, noncommittal noise in response. It was awkward with how she kept glancing around, trying so hard to avoid looking at him. In the end her gaze eventually returned.

"You were there." She remarked, "There's really not much else to say about it, you saw it for what it was. What're you going to do about it?" There wasn't any venom in her voice when she asked. He was a captain, she was a lieutenant. Punishment for her lack of control was expected, so her question was genuine. "Write me up? Petition to have me demoted? Ship me off alongside Tsifer?" Her brow furrowed and she immediately regretted the action as the inured side of her face attempted to comply. She silently winced again as the features in her face twitched.

Sarcel hated how weak she must have looked, sitting on the floor with her jacket draped protectively over her body. It felt safe, just not safe enough.

Green Minuet

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

“I considered a write-up,” Kursha responded. A grin quirked at the corners of his mouth. “Declare you unfit for military service and have you dismissed. But that might be a little too harsh. Someone of your talents should stay on the inside. How would you feel about working as my personal assistant, going out on early evening coffee runs?” It was no use trying to hide his smile. His eyebrows waggled up and down as he tried to elicit some kind of response from the blueblood. Despite the circumstances he could not resist teasing her; not when she set herself up so perfectly.

“No, seriously.” Kursha brought a hand over his face and smoothed out his features. A sigh escaped him, like the last of his good cheer leaving. He pushed his hair out of his face. “Throw me a bone here, Cincil. What do you think I should do with you? You screwed up tonight, there's no two ways about it, and I know you know you did. As a commanding officer you need lead your troops; not just ******** off whenever you're not in the mood. Because you went and made an a** out of yourself, we took losses we could have avoided, and I'm not gonna tell you that's not your fault. We're just lucky no one died.”

You. You didn't die. Kursha bit his tongue. Breath in his throat, he regarded Sarcel with narrowed eyes.  

[Melancholies]

Well, that brought her out of the mindless pain dome for a moment, though it wasn't the usual response Kursha was probably anticipating. Her attention snapped back to him, sure it was just that. An acknowledgement. The joking was gone in the next instant regardless; He never could resist teasing her, could he? Despite lacking the energy to fight back, it was still infuriating. In the moment however, she was almost alright with it. It softened the blow, if there was ever really one at all.

It served to point out that was another thing she seemed to be carrying with her--the assumption that not everyone was willing to treat her as an equal. She was regarding the greenblood in turn with that tired suspicion, like she was waiting for him to make another jab, really dig into her insecurities and rip her apart, but instead he was just... frank. Some of the tension inevitably started to loosen from her shoulders as she took a few steadying breaths.

"I..." What should be done with her? She suddenly felt very... aimless. This was seriously pathetic. "I don't... I don't know Vidari. I know everything was my fault. I handled it poorly, we should have focused on getting out, there wasn't any way we could successfully--" It was like something suddenly sparked in her head, like she suddenly realized she was starting to ramble, because a hand slapped over her mouth to stop what her medicated brain couldn't. There was a multitude of things at the forefront of her own head--mostly self deprecating--but she seemed adamant to keep them internal. That's how it always was--always internalizing, always letting things pent up... maybe that's why she lost her cool, why she wasn't so level headed. Despite that she was still doing it. Even as she actively recognized it she couldn't stop it.

She sat there in silence for a what felt like a solid minute. Parting her fingers, she finally said "Hit me."

Green Minuet

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

No sooner had the words left Sarcel's mouth, than the flat of Kursha's left palm struck her across the cheek with a loud clap. He lowered his hand, watching the blueblood's expression. He could not know what went on inside Sarcel's thinkpan. She closed herself off to him from the start for reasons Kursha could not begin to guess, determined not to give him one iota of an inch. But for just a few seconds she had relaxed her guard, shared something with him, and from something he could guess. After several seconds he pushed himself to his feet.

“Consider that a favour,” he said, ringing out his stinging hand. “In exchange, shape up, stop being a cry baby about it, or I'll be back to beat your a**. Capisce?” He extended his right hand towards her to help her up. His mouth twitched towards the hesitant start of a grin.  

[Melancholies]

Well.

Sarcel had been expecting it, but not necessarily so quickly. The sting in her cheek was barely registered, if only because it was just another layer on the preexisting pain she was feeling. When she looked back at him her eye was wide with a myriad of emotions, but the one that stood out the most was shock. She rubbed where she was struck absentmindedly.

At least time when she broke eye contact, it was to look at the hand he had extended down to her. Was that it this? There was no way this was it--there had to be some sort of a catch--was he lulling her into a false sense of security? She looked back up at the tiny grin, then back to the hand. Her head was shaking in slow disapproval, "But..."

She pursed her lips into a thin line as her head stilled. It was hard to keep the rest of her face free from expression, but she felt her brow twitching regardless. <********> her face hurt.

In the end she lifted her hand, hesitating slightly before deciding to risk taking the offer for help. She was decent at trying to mask her pain, but her weakness was obvious with how she struggled back to her feet. Even with assistance, she felt her body wanting to buckle underneath her.

"No. I don't understand." She said once she had forced herself upright, shoulders slouched. She needed a moment to completely regain her composure--though she was clearly nearing the limits of what her battered body could take, considering that she was still steadying herself with Kursha's grip.

Green Minuet

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

The blueblood swayed on her feet. She leaned into him more than he expected, and he had to correct his posture to keep them both upright. Their fingers cramped together. For a half second, he contemplated giving her further assistance. It was clear she needed help, but... Tentative, he began to slip his arm around her side to help secure her. Then Sarcel spoke and he froze.

Expression serious, Kursha adjusted the motion to press his palm into the blueblood's forehead. Fingers pressing down on the top of her head, he held her steady, as he he leaned in close, eyes probing her face. After a moment his lips pursed with dissatisfaction. “Huh. I didn't think I hit you that hard,” he mused aloud. He peered into her single, remaining eye, studying the pupil. “I even used my left.”

Kursha released his grip on her forehead, and pulled away. He kept his right hand braced against hers however. “What is there to understand?” he asked. “I'm the superior officer, aren't I? You could say I'm trying to set a good example. ”

He paused a beat. Honestly, he should have hauled her a** back to Flydra or that circling vulture for treatment, but he had a feeling she would fight him every step of the way.

“You should try to be more like me, Sarce,” he finished, teasing.  

[Melancholies]

"But--" Sarcel's words dissipated under her exhaustion as Kursha started to manhandle her around her side and her forehead with his hand-eyes-face-too-close combo. She found her eye straining. It wasn't until he teased her that she seemed to snap back into her current place, her lips twisting into a flat line as she huffed out her nose.

"Bullshit." She looked away as she spit the word under her breath that, given their proximity, it was still more than loud enough. Her pride at war with her body, she wanted to push him away. She physically couldn't. Damn this. Damn him. Damn herself, honestly. She shouldn't have been in this position in the first place. Still, she considered his words, and he did have a point. He was her superior officer, he had the final say, and if he told her to get over it..? It should be that easy, right?

So why wasn't it?

Was it because she didn't respect his opinion? That may have been part of it. She feared punishment, but in the same vein she craved it. Some part of her, weak and small and young from times long since passed, practically begged for it. It was the same part of her that believed there could only be growth in pain. As she grew older she came to detest that part of her--the Sarcel that should have never been, the Sarcel that now no longer was. And yet like some sort of shadow she was always there, always watching from the dark recess of her mind.

"That's bullshit. It's not that easy." Quiet and venomous, she tried to shift her weight back onto her own two feet, "Not everyone can be like you. I don't want to be like you. You just--" She struggled to find the words, "You don't get it."

Green Minuet

wiggles fingers

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

She was trying to run.

Kursha still held the blueblood's hand in his own. Even as she struggled to get away, he gave it a yank, pulling her back towards him. Then, before she could try to escape again, he slipped his other hand hand around her waist and held her close. Their bodies were inches apart.

With a curiously dangerous smile, Kursha leered down at her. Crosshair pupils froze her in place.

“Try me.”  

[Melancholies]

There was one very brief, very insignificant moment that she felt like spilling. It was true that she didn't have anyone she could confide into, whether it be because she lacked enough of a bond with others to call them friends or because it just seemed like no one cared. Whatever Kursha was trying to get at, she really just didn't understand. She was uncomfortable. She didn't like being this close.

Sarcel was tense, but she stared back. She didn't have it in her to look away. At the end of the night though, no one would be able to understand, she realized. Everything she did, every mistake she made--it was all her burden to bear. Everyone made mistakes, but she doubted few knew what it was like to feel the level of shame she had. No one carried their faults with them and picked at them like scabs.

She realized, with a startling clarity, that what she was feeling right now was fear. Did Kursha even know fear?

"Let. go. of. me. She spoke suddenly, tensely, "We're too different, that's why. This is my life. My rank is all I have. I can't--I can't make mistakes. Pathetic made mistakes. If I can still make one mistake, I'll make another. And another. And another." Past a certain point, Sarcel sounded eerily... calm, in a disconcerting somber sort of way. "You wouldn't understand." She echoed herself again. "Let me go. I'm too tired." She'd find some sort of way to make sure she evened the scale. She'd analyze whatever part of herself was intrinsically flawed and make sure it never happened again.

Green Minuet

 

[Green Minuet]

Captain Kursha Vidari

Mistakes, huh? If only she knew.

Even as his smile dwindled, Kursha continued to stare at Sarcel. A long, hard moment passed. Then his pupils rounded out and the colour filled in between. He released the blueblood and raised his hands beside his head. “You got it, chief. Message received.”

Point made, Kursha slipped his hands into his pockets. Suddenly, he turned his back on the blueblood and and began walking. Like hell he would give her the satisfaction of ditching him. “Don't bleed out,” he called, loud enough for her to hear. He did not look back.