[PRP] Back to Alternia [Deimos + Cerpin]

[nepsah]

He let out a breath he had been holding- anxious that Cerpin might actually take him up on that stupid thing he'd said. Really. Why did he even say that? "That's what I told 'er, that she's got friends 'n she can rely on 'em for help but she insisted she wasn't gonna be a burden or anythin' like that." He decided to leave out the part where she'd told him that he must be one if he relied on his friends that way... Forera had insisted that wasn't the case, and... honestly he trusted her more than he'd ever trusted Polair. If she said it wasn't burdensome, it wasn't. He hadn't really expected Cerpin to look so upset about it, but... then again he supposed part of being a rebel was that you didn't exactly like it when highbloods pulled caste rights on others for petty reasons like a little argument.

Demands... he wasn't sure if he liked the idea of there being demands involved, sure he was hurt and angry but he didn't think that demanding things from her would get them anywhere. "I don't know... I guess an apology for threatenin' to cull me. But only if she actually means it, I don't wanna deal with fake attempts at makin' amends. I don't hate 'er or anythin' for it but I'm not exactly keen on bein' around her if she's gonna be like that. We both know I got a mouth." Dei snorted, rolling his eyes. "I don't hang out 'round highbloods that wanna pull that s**t if I can help it, don't care who they are - that's been the goal since 'fore I even met Rera or you. We can talk out the rest on her own if she's gonna be calm 'bout it. An' maybe with supervision, or at least not in a private area." He didn't lack confidence in his fighting skills, but he wasn't totally sure he wanted to be alone with someone who had expressed a desire to have him stop existing. Even if it was in a fit of rage.

He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. That... was exhausting, but also felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe the whole 'talking to people about your feelings' thing wasn't such a bad idea if it was... this sort of thing. "Thanks.... for listenin', and uh, not removin' me from the team." Right. That was a bit much. He cleared his throat and leaned forward to get the soda again, taking a sip. "So...... trainin' yeah?" Move along, move along, move along.

Yamashii

 

[Yamashii]

Deimos carefully danced around the topic still, attempting to understand and rationalize Polair's behavior by admitting he had a bad habit of mouthing off. Cerpin raised an eyebrow and looked the tealblood eye to eye.

"You don't deserve that no matter how bad your mouth can get." The purpleblood tapped the side of his own head. "I know that better than anyone. I ransacked your hive and tried to hurt you, all because I was an angry a*****e. I still feel sorry about that to this day." It hadn't been okay then. It wasn't okay now. The look in the tealblood's eyes when he'd attacked him and ransacked his hive was still prominent in Cerpin's mind. It would forever be a reminder of the terrible potential inside himself as a highblood. A haunting vision of the abuse they could inflict on the lower masses. He'd never expected that kind of eruption from Polair.

"You don't have to spare her feelings. You're being very kind about this but it's okay to hate something someone did to you. I'd be scared and angry as hell if that happened to me." Deimos was trying very hard to be understanding and calm about this which was admirable in a way. But to Cerpin, it was better to meet the negative feelings head on in order to process them before you could move on. It was part of the reason he was enduring the cold shoulder and short responses he was getting from Tevini these nights. She just needed to process.

"Thanks for telling me about this. I'm sure it wasn't easy." He reached out across the distance between the two of them and yanked the shorter boy closer into a lazy embrace, Deimos's head against Cerpin's chest.

"Did you really think I'd kick you off the team because of this?" The purpleblood ignored the attempt to change topics. It was important to spend time ensuring the stability and emotional well-being of a- friend? Crew mate? Cerpin wasn't sure. They weren't quite quads but there was an irritation and affection he felt for Deimos that was difficult to sum up in words. Maybe this was what she meant when she'd talked about Anguis.

The idea of family felt foreign to think about but if it was anything like this, not unpleasant.

nepsah

 

[nepsah]

Ah geez- he wasn't letting the topic change. Dei glanced off to the side, finding the eye contact to be unusually uncomfortable. He would've tried harder to dodge the subject, but being pulled into a hug threw him off guard. He stiffened momentarily, then slowly relaxed. Well- he was there, and his face wasn't visible, so it was easier to just... stay in place for a little while he processed. Somehow having his face hidden made it easier. In all the mental circling around the argument, trying to dissect what had caused it and what had gone wrong, he hadn't considered that just maybe he hadn't deserved getting snapped at so harshly at all. Regardless of whatever he'd done-- had he done anything? He never did figure that out. "True... and you apologized for it 'n now I think I know what to look out for..." He shrugged loosely. It'd be foolish to say he knew for certain.

"I dunno if I wanna let myself touch that." Dei paused, thinking a little more, "feelin' like that, I mean. You did try to hurt me but the first time it was like. Dumb wriggler s**t, it was more annoyin' than scary, 'n the second time I didn't think you were tryin' to hurt me specifically just... throwin' a dangerous tantrum in general that could hurt me." He pushed himself up, eyes narrowed a little as he mustered the courage to maintain eye contact. "She actually threatened to outright cull me outta nowhere it seemed, so its more... personal 'n I don't- I don't..." He sighed, Cerpin had pressed the topic and now he was focusing on it again- the box had been reopened and now the questions he'd been asking himself were up front and center.

"I don't even know what I said. Not a clue. I didn't think I said anythin' bad, or snarky, or anythin' 'til she started gettin' on my case then sure I said plenty an' prolly made it worse but I don't... I don't know!" Dei shifted to sit back in the chair he'd been in, bringing his legs up to his chest to wrap his arms around. "S'not easy. If only 'cause I don't understand what happened." He sighed and placed his chin on his knees, eyes glancing over to Cerpin for a moment before looking down to the ground. "Maybe... like I said, she was here first... an' she's got more experience 'cause she's been doin' it longer... 'n she's got all that fundin' and access to nicer stuff... an' I guess if that was just somethin' I did to set her off then she's more... mmm.." He trailed off, thinking of the words he wanted to say. "Mentally present more often. I don't got a reliable method a gettin' decent sleep yet but that's not somethin' she's gotta worry about. Y'know I actually attacked a teammate up in one a those ships 'cause I thought he was somethin' else?" Ah- he hadn't meant to go into that. This wasn't supposed to be part of the conversation itinerary, it was all supposed to be Cerpin's stuff, not his. Still- it was nice... he hadn't talked to anyone about any of it yet. "I mean- I didn't hit him hard, he was okay 'n all... talked to him later 'n stuff." Right- he needed to shut up before he got to a whole new level of embarrassing information.

Yamashii

 

[Yamashii]

"It's likely something that's been building up in her for a while. Polair's always been stuck in her own head, probably more so ever since she lost her eyes." It had to be isolating and scary to lose your eyesight. While there were certainly ways on Alternia to manage this or even attempt to repair it, the initial shock and fear were hard to work through. Her aloof nature had led him to believe she'd prefer to handle it alone but perhaps he had been wrong. It was possible she'd been terrified and alone and he'd failed to give her the support she needed from her team.

He'd be out on the first train tomorrow to Civisect to see this line of thought through.

"Deimos, it doesn't matter to me who has more money, who has more experience or who's been here longer. You just have to want to be here. And I can see that you want this badly." He let out a laugh, "Besides, I've got plenty enough beetles to afford whatever you need. Just send the bill here." Not only did he have an illegal beetle farm running underground, Cerpin was a purpleblood in his own right and also ran a successful business with Underworld. And Superstar Authority had only increased his profits. By now, the main gate keeping them from purchasing materials was the fact that some of the resources they wanted were restricted and unavailable to the general public. It wasn't an issue of cost.

"Or if you'd like, I could set you up with a budget for stuff. I'm sure the Department of Astrometrics could benefit from some actual funding, huh?" He patted the shorter boy on the shoulder.

"To be a good department head, you'll have to figure something out for that insomnia though. Attacking your crew isn't gonna work great." Cerpin found the idea hilarious but impractical. "Who'd you hit, anyways?" Was it someone they'd have to be cautious of in the future? It was important to keep track of the enemies of your friends. Deimos said he had 'talked to him' but given the way Deimos 'talked' to people, that didn't necessarily mean things were all good.

nepsah

 

[nepsah]

"...I'm not sure if that's better or worse." He shrugged, mulling it over. Maybe she'd just been a ticking bomb, counting down to an explosion and he'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. That would make two instances of such a thing, if he counted Cerpin's tantrum. Two times could mean a third. Third time's the charm- right? That's how that saying went- he was getting off track, allowing his mind to run off on wild scenarios that probably wouldn't happen but one never knew- who would be next? He pushed it aside- no, no. Focus on other things.

"I do. I said it's the only thing I really want an' I meant it." He looked back to Cerpin and nodded. "A budget is nice, I plan better if I know my parameters. S'not like I got much to improve on right now I already upgraded my stuff a couple perigees ago." Wait- did he say department head? He narrowed his eyes, confused for a few seconds before the topic slowly changed back to... Nictor- right. He looked away again. He still felt bad about it- technically he hadn't apologized in their second encounter but he had immediately after the incident.

"Yeah, I know..." He sighed, that would be his next focus. A real... well, he didn't think a cure was possible, but at least something reliable. "Some--... this guy, Nictor, we were on a couplea ships together. He's like," He paused, releasing his legs to pantomime out how tall the yellowblood was, "this really big and strong lookin' yellowblood but he's a total wriggler. I saw 'im outta the corner of my eye 'n that's always the worst place when I'm tired but aside from that- I apologized after but I don't think he really got it 'til... I dunno, I ran into 'im later just standin' all blank faced in the cafeteria. He didn' even mean to sign up for the space missions 'n they wouldn't let 'im stop goin' on them? 'Least that's what he said. So much for volunteering." He rolled his eyes.

Yamashii

 

[Yamashii]

"Well, good thing for you, you're gonna get it. We all are." Words were powerful. Maybe not as powerful as actions but Cerpin had learned the power of negative words from Tevini and Sascha. But perhaps the opposite could hold true too. They had to talk as if they were going to succeed in order to be able to believe in it. He could not give himself room to doubt in the result of the space program.

"Huh... the volunteers weren't forced to do endless space missions. Not sure why he didn't just stay on base if he didn't want to go." The Outreach Volunteers had been just that, volunteers not cadets. Cerpin had seen many trolls push themselves to do a tiresome amount of missions. He'd also seen others who'd done very few. People had had freedom of choice, not forced enslavement. This friend didn't sound like they had much of a backbone.

"If he's not a threat then I guess it's not a problem. Good thing you didn't attack an officer or something." That would have been harder to fix. Cerpin didn't have much room to speak on that matter but it was fine, Deimos didn't need to know that.

"We gotta figure out something better than punching your lights out to sleep. I mean, as satisfying as that sounds-" The purpleblood grinned and playfully swatted the boy on the head, "It can't be doing good things to your thinkpan. And we need that to navigate!" The last thing they needed was to be stranded in the stars with a navigator passed out and unresponsive!

"I wonder if she... nah. Never mind. Anyways, try and figure something out, dude."

nepsah

 

[nepsah]

He couldn't help but grin a little at the statement. It was one thing to repeat to himself that space travel - without military involved - was going to be a thing, but it was another to hear another person also make the same statement with confidence. "I dunno, he was jumpy as ******** 'n didn't seem to know what he was doin'." He shrugged, "nah... he's like, a honey farmer or whatever you call it. He looked like a fighter though like..." he trailed off, nope. Never mind. "Ugh no I managed not to hit any officers, just teased one." He grinned again, this one more impish. "She's too easy to mess with though its her own fault. You'd get a kick outta it, maybe." Austri really was entertaining to tease... if only he knew what sort of fire he was playing with there.

When Cerpin made a move to swat at his head he ducked a little, swatting back at his hand. "Yeah yeah, I know. I only ask Rera if it's real bad 'n I'm seein' stuff. Never mind what? Y'can't just bring up a hint at a possible lead 'n never mind it away." He rolled his eyes. "Since space missions 'n stuff are over I was gonna try 'n see if I could find some better meds or somethin'. It's just uhh.... difficult." He hadn't actually told anyone he had a... well, he wasn't sure if he'd call it fear but it was a very strong aversion to doctors. Right. Strong aversion.

Yamashii

 

[Yamashii]

"Well, Vee says there's this girl in our camp that knows stuff about herbs and natural medicine. Only problem is, they'd literally kill me if I brought you to meet her." Cerpin knew he'd gotten away with a lot of s**t in the past that he honestly shouldn't have been able to do but... bringing an outsider to meet one of Byakko's precious mutantblood children seemed like something even Cerpin Sugall couldn't pull off without getting hacked to pieces.

"But I'll try talking to her for you maybe." He wondered if Athera would be able to help Deimos very much. Maybe the tealblood needed to see some kind of specialist. But would he? Deimos seemed to be picky about this part of his life. Cerpin didn't always understand the tealblood's medical issues.

"Anyways, don't go around pissing off officers too much. A little's fine though." The purpleblood grinned, obviously okay with teasing the military some. "Just so long as you don't get caught up in something bad and all." Like Sascha. Ugh. Maybe Cerpin wasn't one to talk about antagonizing officers. It had certainly not gone well for him. What was the yellowblood doing right now? Did he miss- no, he was trying to move on from this.

"And be sure you're training enough to be able to take em on if you do get into trouble. Rera still beefing you up?" He needed to work on his own training too to master this new ability he'd discovered.

nepsah

late tag but finally a tag, sorry for the wait! ; W;

 

[nepsah]

"Oh, well, okay then." So that was a dead end - or at least, probably a dead end. "If it'll get you in trouble or somethin' don't- it's fine. I'll figure it out." He shook his head a little and shrugged. One more obstacle to the pile. Well, he supposed if everything was an easily solved problem then there wouldn't be much growth in life would there. It was just... annoying that his particular problem was sleep.

"Oh, it's not like I'm totally goin' after 'em, she started it." He grinned a little. "Yeah she's still helpin' me train. I got a better mace after the missions so we're finally like, actually gettin' into the good stuff. Speakin' a trainin' you deflected that topic earlier- what were you thinkin' about?" If he thought he'd get out of this conversation without addressing all of the things he'd initially brought up, he'd clearly forgotten who he was talking to.

Yamashii

its okay!! i totally fell off the rp bandwagon for gaia @ u @;; i think we're prolly winding down?