veronica villanueva /dispassionate attention-seeker/Approved

[quite uneventful]

veronica villanueva
THE DISPASSIONATE ATTENTION-SEEKER

Born with a desire to be in the spotlight, Veronica has had to put these dreams on hold to please her family with a more practical career path. She's still holding tight for a career in the arts, but until then, her lack of outlet on this front has made her dispassionate and unmotivated in all other aspects of her life.

DO WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY

From an early age, Veronica has had a deep connection with both writing and the preforming arts. Her doting and loving parents found it alright for her to have such as a hobby, not as a profession, urging her to choose something other than writing or acting as her future occupation. Veronica understands this, feeling deep guilt when she doesn't follow what little her parents request, so she's resolved to study psychology now and get delve into exploring what she truly wants later-- but because she's not studying what she actually wants to do, she constantly feels bored and lacking in spark. This compromise has dulled her life, and leaves her lazy and unmotivated to do much of anything, having to cram for tests last minute or finish up homework late at night. This extends to the jobs she's trying to get-- She hates doing grunt work, and feels unmotivated to do something that isn't her passion, even if it helps put food on the table. This affects her attitude towards work, as she tends to do her job half-heartedly. No matter how hard she tries to be eager about a certain job, by the end of the day, she is usually bored and extremely worn out. This results in her getting fired quite early on.

Finishing a full degree and then focusing on her career is something she thought she could handle easily, but she obviously overestimated her capability to care for what she doesn't have a passion for. While she feels intense guilt over wanting to switch careers so late in the game, she's pushing herself to ride it out so as to not stress her loving family more than they already are with their economical situation. She wants to help out her family as much and as fast as she can, and feels partially responsible for them all as the oldest daughter. She feels it's a more reasonable decision as she has so much time, however, Veronica is very impatient when it comes to her future. Because of this, she seems either permanently bored or unamused, simply silently waiting for the day she can get into some sort of creative arts program she can learn to harness her imaginative abilities with. While for now, it feels much like a delusion she's tricking herself into believing, she's still actively challenging herself with tasks and self imposed ideas to flex her creative bones. Whenever she's aching for attention from anyone, she writes all of her emotions down, finding it so much easier to scribble her troubles in a journal. Her lack of motivation in her current field is very noticeable among her peers, tending to get actively distracted during lessons, but it doesn't mean she isn't jovial toward them. She tries to make friends and searches for common interest, but most of the times they just do not click, leaving a restless and friendless Veronica. Her only solace is her family-- one of the main reasons she holds them so dear.

WRITE IT OFF

Writing utensils seem to have just enough ink or lead to for her to write things down.

ANYTHING ELSE?

- Just turned 21! goes to bars in her free time to Look Cool and Act Interesting.
- Spanish and Indian ancestry, though they all live with her spanish dad and the rest of her family!
- Has a very big and very obnoxious family composed of 4 younger siblings (identical 17 year old twin brothers, 15 year old sister, and a 11 year old little bro), her mom(42 year old), dad(56 year old), and grandma(68 years old). Grandpa died earlier this year.
- Mom's a seamstress, dad's a restaurant owner!
- Family is going through very bad financial problems.
- Knows Spanish and English. Understands hindi, but cannot speak it.
- A total aesthetic freak. Biggest hipster.
- Has a mini garden in her shared room. Self-teaching herself how to use herbs.
- Reads books. LOTS OF BOOKS. Has read all the classics and loves Pride and Prejudice.
- Loves her food spicy. Carries a bottle of hot sauce with her at all times tyvm.
- Has surprisingly sensitive skin. Almost always wearing a hat!
- CANNOT COOK. burns water. Is not allowed in the kitchen.  

[iloveyouDIE]

quite uneventful

HEY! Love seeing new faces biggrin Let's get to it~

The high concept is a very important title, this is your character's essentials boiled down to one phrase. Based on your blurb I am not seeing that the concept matches the description. We see she is broke as a passing mention, but you focus more on her need for nice things and subsequent laziness. If this is the core of her character, as it seems to be, the High Concept Title should be adjusted accordingly.

The trouble should be a solid basis for your character's path in the game and something the mods can work with to throw obstacles in your way. I am seeing a lot of environmental situations, and family history stuff, but this is better moving to the 'Anything Else' section as supporting character facts. There are also alot of character run businesses who would take the character on for a job regardless of a little cursing... so try and focus more on Veronica's personal issues.. In light of her life hardships, why is she so lazy? Does she have aspirations that seem out of reach? Is her family situation simply something that drags her down emotionally? When it comes to reaching out and trying harder, what is stopping her? Does being lazy affect her work ethic? Does her want to have nice things make delegating her money to be a problem? How does she relate with others? I feel like we know more of her family, than of her particular approach to life.

Give it a revise and hit me up again!  

[quite uneventful]

iloveyouDIE

hey!! did a really big overhaul of her entire concept, and changed the trouble to something i feel fits better for her personally. the only things i really kept the same was the "anything else?" section and a little bit of the high concept blurb, but it was really just fixed around and stuff.

if the follow me power is too big, i can switch it to simply when she's in a group of people!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CRIT!!! WIGGLES  

[iloveyouDIE]

quite uneventful

Looks like you almost changed the whole character :O Okay-

High Concept - This still needs a bit of re-wording and I worry about the use of 'unmotivated' as a defining character trait. Perhaps something like 'dispassionate' is better, because many things can force motivation and action but passion is truly hard to grasp (and we see that even though she doesn't like it, she IS doing what her family wants - whether from guilt or money, etc). Remember that a high concept is a bit of a commitment, and can not be changed in the course of the game without a bit of work (so should she get motivated by the events of the game, you have to complete a quest to change this title). The first line starting with 'Born with a desire to Get s**t Done' sort of goes against your presented trouble that boredom and lack of motivation were caused by her current life situation.
This section also still reads a bit like a character history and less about her personality. Suggestion: 'Veronica has always dreamed of being in the spotlight but has put these plans on hold in order to please her family with a more conventional career path. She still has a need to be seen, a desire to be the center of attention, but with a lack of outlet on this front she has become dispassionate and unmotivated in all other aspects of her life.'

Trouble - I definitely see this trouble as a bit closer to what we are looking for but the whole first paragraph still reads like flavor text and history. This should be a concise focus on her problems, so not more than a sentence or two should connect this with her history. You use the word 'guilt' over and over and I think perhaps this is the core of her trouble. How about exploring that? Why is she so guilty and what are her plans after she's followed through with school? How does she justify pleasing her family over herself? I don't pick up any emotional depth between her and her family besides that she does everything to make them happy. Is it love? Duty? Are they helpless without her? Does she feel she owes them or needs to provide for them? When her core screams out to be noticed, how does she get by- especially in such a large family? Does she truly think she will resume her dreams at a later date or is this a delusion she feeds herself to get by? Does her situation get in the way of making friends? Being viewed as lazy or pitied by others isn't exactly a promising social basis! Remember that we can't mess with her family setting but the game mods want to play upon your characters strengths and weaknesses away from their set history, so the more clearly her feelings are explained, the better.

Power- A dreamer power should be environmental, passive, and not something your character actively does themselves. They may not even realize it's a power they have and it is not able to be activated or turned on and off. The world does things for her, not vice versa. Perhaps rooms/crowds never seem to be louder than she is, or even that she always seems to be illuminated as if she's on display?

Please revise and hit me up again. Feel free to IM me @thegodforgotten if you wanna discuss anything!  

[quite uneventful]

iloveyouDIE

revised everything mentioned! thank you so much for all the help ; VVV; <33  

[iloveyouDIE]

Revisions look fine to me *o*! Calling in final review.

shibrogane

 

[shibrogane]

Approved