Darcie has always been a night person. She has trouble getting to sleep before 5am, and cant help waking up after noon. Darcie takes advantage of her nocturnal habits by enjoying the solitude walks in the night offer. She has found herself the sole observer of activities that people think they are doing secretively, and is enchanted by how people act when they think no one else is watching.
CANT SLOW DOWN
Darcie moved away from her home town to get away from the rat race she felt trapped in. Never having a free moment to herself, Darcie was involved in countless extracurricular activities, had a full load of classes, and was expected to stay chipper and perky. Darcie started to feel run ragged, she was at the top of her classes, her parents assumed she would get a masters degree, marry a nice man, and work her way up to the top of her career. Everyone assumed that Darcie would fallow the path her parents took, working a full time job and climbing up the ranks. The stress and high expectations lead Darcie to abandon her college degree, family, and everything she knew.
When Darcie moved away she thought she escaped the fast lane and all the expectations. She managed to escape the people who were judging her, but now she finds that she herself is her harshest judge. Although the life she leads is pleasant, and full of the freedom she always dreamed of, she feels out of place without all the stress, busy schedule, and expectations. Maybe going from the fast lane to such a slow lane all of a sudden is more than Darcie can handle. What is she supposed to do with herself? Becoming a self appointed night guard for the neighborhood has been an activity she looks forward to in order to fill up her time, recording her neighbor's night patterns and habits. But from afar she can only learn so much, to gain more insights she has been sticking her nose where it doesn't always belong.
HOMEWARD BOUND
There always seems to be an easy path home, even if Darcie finds herself turned around or lost in strange locales. Should Darcie not look for them, they would still be there for her
ANYTHING ELSE?
-Darcie had made it pretty far into a degree in biology, enjoying the discoveries and labs especially. Her parents pressured her to switch to a degree in law or medicine, resulting in Darcie dropping the whole college thing entirely. - This unfortunate sleep schedule makes it hard for Darcie to get a full time day job. Still needing to make ends meet, she took up dog walking.
Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2016 12:19 pm
Micillia
Yay new people!! Ok let's get to it.
Your high concept title is waaay too long. This should be the base traits of your character boiled down to a short phrase. Nocturnal Lookout is actually really appealing.. and you mention her being a night owl, so why not explain where the 'lookout' comes in? Her day job is a result of her nocturnal tendencies, and it seems a desire to make her own schedule, not a defining trait of her personality! The details of her dog walking/boarding business can be moved to the 'Anything Else' section of the profile.
Your trouble is a good basis but expand on it to tell us more about Darcie and where her journey in the game is starting! Think into some questions about her life to glean her true problems. Having thought she took steps to free herself, why are these expectations still lingering? Is there still constant pressure on her? Did she merely flee from her problems? Does her independence make her happy? Is she ready to make steps to further branch out of her life?
You don't have to answer these exact questions but basically we are looking for an exploration of what is troubling her, whether it be internal or external problems, that serve as a starting point for her personal issues in the game and a segue to meeting others! From what you've provided we really don't know much about her or what drives her at all. You note in her 'anything else' area that she pursued biology in college but dropped out due to anxiety... perhaps you should touch on THIS a bit more in her trouble as it seems to be a bit of a big deal if she bailed on college because of it.
Your power just doesn't work here. It isn't a dreamer level ability. A Dreamer Power is a passive ability, something that isn't about your character themselves doing something so much as the world shifting around them. This also borders on animal communication/prediction which just isn't acceptable as a low level power. I can't really see a way to word this to make it work, so you may have to find another power. Take a look through some of our approved profiles (and their crits) to get a better idea of what level of power is acceptable and how they work.
Give this all a look at, revision and tag me back in when you are finished!
Your high concept title is waaay too long. This should be the base traits of your character boiled down to a short phrase. Nocturnal Lookout is actually really appealing.. and you mention her being a night owl, so why not explain where the 'lookout' comes in? Her day job is a result of her nocturnal tendencies, and it seems a desire to make her own schedule, not a defining trait of her personality! The details of her dog walking/boarding business can be moved to the 'Anything Else' section of the profile.
Your trouble is a good basis but expand on it to tell us more about Darcie and where her journey in the game is starting! Think into some questions about her life to glean her true problems. Having thought she took steps to free herself, why are these expectations still lingering? Is there still constant pressure on her? Did she merely flee from her problems? Does her independence make her happy? Is she ready to make steps to further branch out of her life?
You don't have to answer these exact questions but basically we are looking for an exploration of what is troubling her, whether it be internal or external problems, that serve as a starting point for her personal issues in the game and a segue to meeting others! From what you've provided we really don't know much about her or what drives her at all. You note in her 'anything else' area that she pursued biology in college but dropped out due to anxiety... perhaps you should touch on THIS a bit more in her trouble as it seems to be a bit of a big deal if she bailed on college because of it.
Your power just doesn't work here. It isn't a dreamer level ability. A Dreamer Power is a passive ability, something that isn't about your character themselves doing something so much as the world shifting around them. This also borders on animal communication/prediction which just isn't acceptable as a low level power. I can't really see a way to word this to make it work, so you may have to find another power. Take a look through some of our approved profiles (and their crits) to get a better idea of what level of power is acceptable and how they work.
Give this all a look at, revision and tag me back in when you are finished!
Thank you so much for the critique! I really appreciate the help with the power section, i was a little uncertain there. I hope what i changed it to fits better. I look forward to your opinion on the changes. smile
Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2016 6:46 am
Micillia
I think the revisions on the high concept and the trouble are good!
The power still needs some work. 1) you need to name it XD 2) It's still worded in a way as if she is doing it, but this can be reworded I think. Also powers are not exactly always active outside of Ashdown (characters vacationing in strange places, will find their powers disappear quickly the longer they are away). I only mention this as you added in 'a new city' into the description. Suggestion: There always seems to be an easy path home, even if Darcie finds herself turned around or lost in strange locales.
You don't have to use this word for word (or you can) but just an example of a shift in wording. Basically the idea is that the paths are there for her (and should she not look for them, they would still be there for her) but she isn't making them herself.
Give the power a name and a reword, and I think we should be good! tag me when you're ready!
