This is my problem, I can fake being nice and things go swell but... sometimes I can't filter my thoughts and will speak my mind. It's not good because of this:
I love my mom a ton, but whenever I try to talk to her, about anything from 'how are you?' to 'Please stop treating me like a child' , s**t goes wrong.
I have everything I'm going to say planned out, nice ways to say them and all, but when I do speak... I end up hurting her feelings since mean words and jabs fly out of my mouth. I feel terrible after because my mother is (I kid you not) a saint, and I'm very hot blooded and cannot control my attitude/temper. It's gotten me school trouble too since I tend to fight back with teachers/principal/classmates (Which while its not okay, there are some really mean teachers here that damn well deserve it.)
How do I make it stop?
Do you say curse words or it's just the way you say things that are mean ?
Because you are aware of this problem, it's already a good start. I have a similar issue like yours. When I'm disturbed or irritated, I talk coldly, I raise my voice and people started to dislike me because of that (I don't talk in a sweet way, I don't show gratitude and talk coldly) but I didn't know until they felt it was enough and said that I was rude and they just left me.
It's not easy to change in one day.
You have to learn to calm down and think before words comes out of your mouth.
You can also apologize as soon as possible to people that you hurt. You can say that it is a problem that you have and that you try to fix it.
You can keep a diary where you write down when you succeed to control your temper in a situation. Because it's hard to keep motivation when we almost always don't get it right at the beginning.
I also look for online advice in website like wikihow. It sounds weird but I found a lot of articles online that gave me advice on how to get through some issues.
http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Your-Temper
Be aware that, it takes a lot of work, I'm still working on the way I express myself. Believe that you can do it, keep the motivation and keep trying!
Miss_XxAriaxX
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TheDarkest_DayInMay
Blessed Phantom
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Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:01 am
Try to work with the people around you, especially your mom. Tell her somehow that you don't mean what you say and that your trying to change. They will understand and be supportive.
Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 4:28 pm
Nyan_Cupcakes
Thank you for the answers, I'll explain a few things here:
1. My Problem:
I will say hurtful things when I mad and I don't really care how it hurts the person at the moment only to get completely depressed after because I see the reactions. Also, I have a short temper when it comes to sexism, hypocrites, and people who take advantage of kindness, like, the second I notice someone is one of the three, my inner hulk is released. Also, once my day is ruined, because when I'm in a good mood, it only takes a small problem to ruin it, I make sure to take everyone down with me.
2. Non-violent
I use to be a pacifist and I got thrown around a lot, so I started standing up to myself and it elevated way too much from there. Also, recently, I've been getting slightly violent, not towards everyone though... just one person.
3. Explanation for violence problem.
I use to be friends with this girl (she's 16 and recently married) and she started flirting with all my male friends. I'm friends with her husband so I stopped talking and hanging out with her because I didn't want to get involved with it. (The reason I realized it was going to be a problem was because she had indeed cheated on her husband with one of the guys I introduced her too, I even told the guys she was married beforehand. I don't really hang out with the guys a lot because they were always flirting and being pushy with me but she begged me to introduce her.)
Anyways, she went around town telling people I was cruel and that I bullied her and talked about other people (lie, I'm the kind of person to tell people to their face) and lying to other girls so they would pick fights with me. I explained the problem to the girls and they sat me down and told me all she had said.
This girl, she kisses my families a** so they will girl her stuff like speakers and clothes and also flirts with my uncle (oh, btw this girls husband is 26, she likes older guys apparently) so he'll give her stuff like money or drink (non-alcoholic) from my aunts bar where he bartends. This is what annoyes me. So now, everytime I see her, my hands start shacking and I can even picture myself ripping the hair out of her empty headsweatdrop
4. Recent solution:
Like TheDarkest_DayInMay said, I talked to my family and told them I don't mean it and to let me know when I accidentally insult them and I will apologize.
Also, whenever I'm angry, I'll just ignore it and change the subject because my restraint isn't strong. If the problem is serious, I'll just talk it over the day after when I've cooled down.
It's working
5. When I'm not angry
I'm nice actually, like, to a point where even I doubt my niceness. I love dancing and jumping around like a child, I sing into my phone, I go out and party. I help my aunt at her bar, I do chores to ease the load off my mother, its crazy. The minute my day goes bad though, I switch. I feel like a non-green version of hulk..
Sorry for all that writing, I know most of y'all got tired reading all of that but Thank you for your replies
TheDarkest_DayinMay
and
XxAriaxX
Also, sorry for any mistake... too much writing for me to re-read and fix.
It happens to visualize hitting people when we get really mad, but what it is important is that you don't do it. Because it's wrong and too much consequences. So, as long as you don't do it. It's okay and learn to decompress or one day you will explode. I would leave, get some distance if I think it's going to escalade... I see that you already do that by taking distance to your ex-friend.
It's not easy when someone says bad things about you and tells lies. It happened to me too. I try to keep distance. I try to tell people who I trust and love my SIDE of the story. It's up to them to trust who they want. It's hard.
Learn to not say hurtful things but instead say how you feel, or just keep distance. When I am mad I try just isolate myself somewhere else and decompress watching a movie or a funny tv show or excercise.
Don't throw things people who will hear the noise will get mad too. Don't take everyone down with you. Treat people as you want how you want to be treated. No one wants a bad day.
You know what you want to improve. You have to learn to tolerate or find the solution that works for you. I see that you already found some solutions it's already a good beginning. Try to type the keywords of your issue you might find advice. It works for me... For example, you can search online for anger management advices and how to solve conflicts.
Miss_XxAriaxX
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Miss_XxAriaxX
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Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:18 pm
Nyan_Cupcakes
Great smile ! When I was younger, I didn't care at all, I didn't realize my own faults.
One day, my mom reprimanded for an hour, she made me realize how I was picked fun by other people (my cousins), because of my flaws. I was shocked because they are hypocrite. They didn't tell me what I do that disturb them, they just tell to everybody else. One mistake, added to others, one day they had a fight with my mom because they held grudges ( it's a long story).
We decided to keep distance there was too much drama. I lost my cousins.
I don't think the relationship with my cousins and I can be the same as before. I can't trust them anymore.
It was hard for my mom to see them again when my grandma got sick everyone came to see my grandma. My cousins just pretended that my mom was invisible. My mom was mad.
Posted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:37 pm
Glad I was able to help in some way ^^ To me, you sound like a pretty nice person :3
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