Ugh! Why does she have to be so mean to me?

[Zphal]

Saikii

Zphal

Saikii

Thanks for explaining. Unfortunately, I have no insurance. I don't have the income to pay for it.

So... if you broke your leg, you wouldn't like... go to the hospital or anything cuz you don't have the money?

Mental health is arguably just as important as physical health.

I would go if I broke a leg because it's a leg. My mind, however confused it may be, has had this problem for years. I put my family through enough of a ringer when I went to school. Sometimes we really have to stretch what we've got and wait to get groceries until later. Financial recovery is not an easy process. I really want to see us succeed. As much as I want the help and probably need it, I'd rather not cause more difficulty for them than I have to. Mom works so hard. She deserves better...

If I may ask so bluntly, who am I talking to right now? Am I talking to Saikii or the girl that beats up Saikii? Cuz this post is DRIPPING with guilt and self-hate.

Most pointedly: "I put my family through enough of a ringer when I went to school." and "She deserves better..."

Honestly, I don't know what to say to you. You seem pretty inclined to dismiss my advice, even though I've been through depression and severe gender dysphoria. I sought out help. I'm a lot better now than I was (not perfect, but better). If you're not willing to find a WAY to get help, you're not gonna get any more of my sympathy. That sounds harsh. It is. But it sounds to me like you're just going to mope about your problems and do nothing to fix them.  

[Saikii]

Z. You're my friend. Saying this, however much you insist isn't easy for me. Seeing my friend upset hurts.

-sighs- I talked to mom and she says to sign up for Medicaid. Medicaid isn't letting me complete the form necessary to get the help I need. I'm not refusing to get help. I have difficulty getting it in this economy. My main concern with seeking help is that I've got more than just me to consider. My money is not the thing that is paying for the counseling. Because that is a fact, I must be considerate of those working to earn it. I promise, I will seek help when I am able, but these sessions easily cost two weeks worth of the family's grocery money each. This is me speaking. It's not strictly guilt. It's responsibility. Ple... please understand that I hold you in the highest regard. I am sorry I upset you, Z. I love all my friends here very dearly.