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It had been sometime since Nergui had pulled out chessboard Bastion had made for her. It had sat on a shelf beside the reproduction of a music box, both precious, treasures in their own right. Now she pulled it down, pausing to give the little box a fond touch, before heading back out of her little used hut and head back to Soren's fur strewn haven. More and more as of late it was his dwelling the mare considered home. His company she kept, his arms she fell asleep in. He was with her almost always. A tall shadow at her dark back, always watching, always guarding. Shared hearts, and shared lives.

Her guardian, but not truly her's.

Something that had been weighing on her mind with increasing weight. A topic she had vowed to not call up, because she knew his past, hos loses, and how deep it had struck him. She had come to him with no strings or obligations. No labels, no worries. Just open arms and warm sheets. an uncomplicated affair that had grown and grown as feelings blossomed and bonds formed.

All but one bond. One that made more and more sense as time went on. One Nergui had never before desired until now.

It was with a quiet sigh the mare lowered herself to the furs beside the fire. Chess board was unfolded, and pieces were spilled into the layers of her skirts. With obvious care she began setting the small carved figures on the glimmering squares. Familiar effigies. Death, Asia, The fallen guardian, Bastion. One after one she set them on the board, saving two for last. A bishop and a knight. Nergui and Soren.

Where was her black knight?

The familiar call had the priestess looking up from the small carved figures in her hand and she smiled at the guardian as he slipped off his boots and came towards her. Fingers brushed her cheek, a delicate touch, and she listed her head to receive the kiss, humming her content against his lips. Pieces left in her lap so she could cup his cheeks, fingers trailing as he straightened again to take a seat across from her. "Good evening. How was your day?"

He smelled clean, freshly scrubbed, and since she hadn't been invited to join him for his bath she was left assuming he'd been cleaning up after a trip to the human world.Keen eyes roamed that strong frame, looking for any injuries, large or small, but he appeared be have come back to her unharmed. It made her smile all the more radiant as she finally set the knight and bishop on the board beside each other to the right of the queen. Glancing up, she watched him for any signs that said he recognized who the pieces were modeled after.

His raised brows had her chuckling, and she nudged a pawn forward two squares. "Do you play?" Once upon a time the mare used to play against her self. It had been some time since she'd played against another horsemen, even Bastion. He'd made the board, but she'd yet to badger him into an actual game.

He did look quite at ease with himself, proud and confident. Every bit the warrior of Death that he was, and Nergui watched him with those mismatched, adoring eyes. She had the urge to leave the board behind. To crawl over the furs and right into the guardian's lap so she could see just how rejuvenated he really was. Strong enough that her lips pressed together, lower caught between pearly teeth. She would have, but he nudged a pawn forward, answering her silent challenge. With an impish smile the mare sank down to lay on her side among the fur, head propped up on her arm. A bishop was slide free, allowed escape by the pawn she'd moved previously.

The game was afoot.

She gave him a grin when he commented on her board, fingertips sliding along the edge and the touches of gold that served as decorative boarder. "One of a kind. I had Bastion make it for me some time ago." Her gaze fell on the figure in his hand. The pieces were divided into quarters, and each quarter represented one of the clans. Nergui's side held Death and War, Soren's pieces were modeled from Famine and Conquest. A keen eye would pick up Lifen and Lan among, Kiwi, Senga, Shaheen, Shikoba. Members of the clans that the priestess cared for or respected.

All of the back row pieces were effigies of existing horsemen, but barely half the pawns were carved. Some remained simple, as of yet unfinished. One day they would have faces as well, but she had as of yet not met their models.

She looked across at him again. "Did the humans suffer, my guardian?"

Nergui was more interested in sharing time with the stallion, then in a truly challenging game. He moved another pawn, and she slide her knight across the board towards one of the two pieces that that had been separated from the pack. No strategy in mind, she wasn't planning ahead. She merely moved the pieces in a manner that just felt right.

She watched him, those crimson eyes that rested on her. Thoughts and emotions playing across chiseled, handsome features. The mare never grew tired of watching him, and why should she? Heart-stopping good looks, confidence, pride. She was proud to call him her lover, her beloved. Proud, and truly thankful. Never had she ever expected to feel anything close to what she felt for death horseman across from her. She smiled up at him as he recounted his strategy with the humans, because she couldn't not answer the smile he'd turned to her. She could have listened to him all day, though he was a stallion of few words.

That was just fine, they didn't have to talk. They communicated just fine without words.

Again the idea rose up in her mind, and it just felt right. Like the casual move of the knight across the board, it was something that came from the heart, and not from the mind. Mismatched eyes dipped, dropping to the board, and she wondered how she could possibly bring it up. That one thing that they never seemed to talk about, but made all the sense in the world.

She was his, and he was hers. What was holding them back?

The mare should have known he'd pick up on that so serious expression of her's. In all the clans, it was him who knew her best. Him that read her like a long favored book. There were no secrets between them, no need for lies, so of course Soren would see the play of emotions across charcoal kissed features, and still she wasn't sure where even to begin. Fearful of where the question might lead, what doors it might open. Memories and shadows of the past, let go, but not forgotten. The last thing she ever wanted was to bring him pain. There was a chance she'd have let it alone, simply not brought it up, willing to wait until arrived at the same idea, but he asked, and she wouldn't lie to him.

She would take her time in looking back up though, eyes sliding slowly across the broad and the carved pieces that occupied it. A pawn was nudged forward, though it didn't seem as though any care was taken with her choice or moves, distracted.

"There is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind, but I am not sure how, or even if, I should mention it." Voice was soft, a hushed sound that carried unease as clearly as it could carry joy or sorrow. She looked up, and there was all the love in the world in those heterochromic eyes, but there was a vulnerability there as well.

Lower lip caught between teeth, she'd rise to her knees, hands gathering up the length of her skirt, and moved around until she was kneeling before him. Small hands rose to touch tanned cheeks, smoothing in slow and obvious adoration along the line of his jaw as she leaned in to lay a delicate kiss against his mouth. "You are mine, and I am yours." It was not even a question. He'd thawed her chilly heart, brought warmth to her life, and allowed her to access feelings she never thought she would ever feel. Was it wrong to want to be that much closer to him?

No. Nothing that felt so right could be wrong.

And still she hesitated, searching candy apple eyes before resting her brow against his. "We belong to each other, but we are not bond to each other." Gaze held for all of a second before nerve broke and metallic eyes closed. "I want that, and it weighs on my mind, but it is your choice to make, and I cannot, will not, push it on you." But it was there in her voice, that small seed of doubt. That obvious fear that this taboo subject would drive a wedge where nothing else could. Her hands trembled where fingers rested feather light against his face.

The priestess was frozen as her drew away from her touch. Gilded eyes snapped open, widening at the play of emotions that flew across his features, and she felt that first horrific pang in her chest. A tightness that twisted like a knot, or maybe a hand, as thick fingers closed slowly, firmly, over the frantic pounding of her heart. She couldn't move as he pulled completely away from her and rose to his feet, not even to look up at him as he started moving for the door. She knelt where he left her, eyes wide to fight the glimmer of welling tears, and those trembling fingers began to shake in earnest.

What had she done?

The shaking spread up her arms in a cold rush until settling into her core. A full body, heavy shivering that set teeth chattering. Like ice in her veins, chasing away all warmth even with the warm flicker of the fire so close.

His voice cut through the rising static, clear as a bell, and only then did the first tears spill in scalding lines down ashen cheeks. The door closed behind him, heavy foot falls leading quickly away, and Nergui drew in a sharp, high pitched breath the seared her lungs as they expanded. She couldn't get enough air, she couldn't breath. The ambient white noise that was always there at the back of her mind, a familiar presence, roared lowed until she could hear nothing but the harsh murmur of whispers, screaming in her ears. Tearing her apart from the inside out.

The mare felt like she was breaking. Or maybe that was just her heart. Cracking like glass, like ice, and those jagged little pieces carved her up from the inside out. She dropped back to sit on folded legs, hands falling limp into her lap, and as the weight of what had just happened settled upon her she let out an anguished cry.

What had she done? She'd driven him away. The first stallion to ever truly make her feel for him, and she'd driven him away.

Panic welled up, fueling the voices, the Insanity, until she had curled over her own knees with delicate hands twisting in silver hair. She lay there, and she cried, until there were no more tears to give. Until her throat ached with her sobbing. Until her voice was a rasping thing, as broken as she felt. She lay there until even the the shaking quieted and all that was left was a vast numbness that settled in tandem with the cacophony of static that echoed through her head.

She lay there until exhaustion stole her away from the waking world and thrust her into an uneasy sleep. Restless and nightmare filled.

What had she done?