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 Posted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 11:44 pm
First, I know I don't post here often and I apologize for that.. I'm sort of busy so I don't always have time to check things on Gaia. I should probably get to the point, though.. So I'm 16 and a junior in high school. I have always had issues with bullying, abuse, and harassment. When I was little I didn't have many issues with it, but once I got into middle school, things started going down hill.. In 8th grade I was "suicidal," but I thought that was just a phase once I made it to high school and got happier. I've noticed recently that I feel like I am in a dark pit of loneliness.. I feel like I only have one real friend.. People treat me bad all the time.. I've had a lot of urges to hurt myself recently and fantasies of different ways to kill myself.. I've tried talking to my mom, but she thinks it's just teenager problems or PMS... Even though she says that, she says she'd look into finding me help... I've had 2 mental break downs within the past 2 months... She still hasn't gotten me any help.. I think part of it is money issues, but the other half I feel is she just isn't trying... Hell, she thinks I'm not trying... I've scared my best friend so many times.. She keeps trying to get me to call the suicide hotline, especially on the nights I broke down.. I didn't.. I know that's stupid of me... I should listen to her.. Why? because I am worrying her sick... That and she wants me to get help... I didn't because no one in my family believes me when I say I think I have depression... that and I just can't find my voice or any courage to call... Can someone please tell me or try to explain to me what is wrong...? I don't even understand myself any more and I just feel so miserable all the time...
Thank you for your time..
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 12:49 am
You definitely sound like you're in the grip of an acute depression.
emotion_hug there's no shame in asking for help. Go ahead and make that call, someone on the other side is there for you emotion_hug
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:54 am
La Belle Gigi You definitely sound like you're in the grip of an acute depression. emotion_hug there's no shame in asking for help. Go ahead and make that call, someone on the other side is there for you emotion_hug Thank you. I will make it as soon as I can.
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Posted: Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:57 am
Miss Exorcist I've been where you are, its ******** awful isn't it? I couldn't even get the courage to talk to anyone and finally broke down during a doctor visit, if I hadn't I don't know where I'd be right now. You need to know that this isn't something you can just make disappear, it won't go away without help, I tried for 5 years to pretend everything was fine and I did a lot of damage to myself 'cause of that. You're not just PMSing (though that can make it so much worse), and being a teenager is hard and its normal to feel like we do, being a teenager has changed a lot since your older family were in school we have a hell of a lot more stress and stress kills, they can preach as much as they want about 'up hill both ways in knee high snow all year' but it has been proven that they had it easier, in some ways. If your mom isn't helping you need to let her know that she needs to, tell her how you really feel and make sure she knows that you're hurting and this is a serious thing, if she continues being a crap parent you'll need to help yourself and hope she gets it together. As for money I know therapy can be expensive but with teen suicide being so wide spread and visible there are a lot of government systems in place as well as volunteer organizations like that hotline, you can search online for alternatives and grants as well, these are people who understand and have been where we've been. I understand not trying, I didn't want to do anything, I didn't think I was worth it, I didn't think it was that bad, other people had it worse, I'm not special, I'll just be a bother and on and on with reasons why I could do it later, putting it off for weeks or months eventually years and it just gets worse and worse as your mind turns on you. You need to get help as soon as possible, I completely ruined my high school career because of depression, if I hadn't gotten help I'd be dead in ditch somewhere, not homeless, dead. That's reality, depression will kill you if you don't fight it and congratulations you've got it! Call that hotline because you ******** matter. emotion_hug Alright. My friend also told me about a place that can help that is free. I'm thinking of going sometime after I get my license, which will be soon. Just need to pass my test today. Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.
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Posted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:05 am
Oh my goodness sweetheart there is nothing wrong with you, you're just a little lost is all. If you imagine life as being a pathway, and all of the people you meet being simply people that you meet, it might help you.
Imagine that one day you are walking down the path hand in hand with yourself, both talking to 2 very different versions of the same people on the opposite sides of this path I call life. Now, picture you looking at yourself, but noticing that you are very distraught, and it is progressively getting worse but you don't know what is wrong because that side of you is only seeing one side, while you are seeing the other. Now, try to imagine people from your side of the path looking over to the other side where you are and taking small notice of whats happening, but they are all very very confused because they don't have the proper perspective to see both of you. Now, imagine that you have let go of your hand and that you can no longer see your face.
I think you are simply in the state where you are unable to see your face anymore and everyone is very confused. I think the best way to hold your hand and walk down the bright path of life again is to help the people on your side of the path notice and realize what is happening on your path (this means that you have to ball up all of the courage you can possibly muster to explain to these people your worries, troubles, secrets, and thoughts). Please please please stay strong and keep hope that you can once again hold your hand if you ask for help to do so! (also i am so sorry if this is just one big wall of confusing text)
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Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:10 am
I can understand a bit where are coming from; middle school and high school were difficult times for me and I had a lot of depression. I kept a lot of it inside, though, since my family seemed to write off things like depression, or it was so easily used to describe something.
When you have those low days/nights, it's really hard. My problem is that I never really told anyone I was having trouble. No one could see it because I hid it really well.
You've already taken a step forward in seeing that you know/feel something is off about how you feel and are even able to talk to a few people about it. Granted, sometimes adults and/or family members just don't understand and try to talk what you're feeling down since you are "young". Don't let that happen to you, since these feelings are serious and should never be written off.
You might want to try a few outlets; maybe keep a journal or write poetry. Sometimes that can help. Also, I'm certain that people here in the forums would be more than happy to lend an ear (Or their eyes as the case may be) and let you talk things out and offer insight should you need it.
You aren't alone.
I try to check my account at least every other day, so if you need someone to send a PM to, feel free to do so, okay? <3
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