Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hivestuck

Back to Guilds

Homestuck inspired troll related b/c 

Tags: homestuck, troll, breedables, mspa, alternia 

Reply Application Quests
Gambit Cratos // RedBlood - Crits plz c:

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

The Voice of Time

Shy Lover

7,950 Points
  • Battle: Rogue 100
  • Battle: Level Up 200
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:31 pm
I might do an EXTREME overhaul of this tomorrow, so Critiques are best appreciated as soon as possible! GOGOGO!
Plus this is kinda a in-the-works remake of an old OC...


Name: Gambit Cratos
themed around sacrificial strategy and power
Gambit - A move usually played by the White side in chess that sacrifices a pawn in hopes of getting an advantageous position.

Cratos - Kratos, a Greek personification of strength and power

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Blood colour: █████████████ #870505

Gender: Male


Symbol:
User Image
A derivation of the symbol of the Greek God, Mars. Represents a Sheild and a Spear, showing not only warfare but a balance between Defense and Offense.




± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Personality: The Brooding Caves is the start to every trolls' life, and the beginning to where their personalities begin to show. And for some trolls, like Gambit, it didn't take very long for that to occur. As a grub, Gambit had a tendency of fighting among his 'peers', and the Hemospectrum was no limit to this inner fighter within him. But, he never fought for himself. He was, as we would call it, the 'Bully of Bullies", meaning that he was a protector of other trolls, defending grubs that were pretty much helpless. Some may call this behavior odd for trolls, but he cannot help it, it's like an instinct within him. At least he's not a giant wuss.

This habit lives on, but it would be accompanied by many newer personality patterns in time to come. And one new addition that began to show after he was able to talk, was his extreme hatred over those that made fun of his speech. He grew a rather strange lisp, due to the way his upper and lower canines grew in (See Appearance for more information). But if you think you can get away with pointing out his personal flaw...well let's just say that you'll be meeting a rather sharp end..very soon~

Though his anger may be something common among trolls, he is still a bit far from 'average'. Gambit can see the greater good in some trolls, minus those who he considers already as 'lost causes'. This 'vision' can sometimes get the best of him, and can cause him to go on ranting about how Alternia should be instead of what it is now. Shocking for a troll as young as he is, isn't it? But he still remains cautious, as he knows very well that such language can get him culled by those of upper-class trolls that won't give another thought about it.

Speaking of 'Upper-Class' and 'Lower-Class', in his eyes it doesn't matter who you are, but what you are. That is the main factor of his decisions when it comes to fighting and defending others. May you be a Purpleblood, Redblood, Greenblood, Sea Dweller, he honestly doesn't care. And this further explains why he dislikes the image Alternia has painted for itself.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Strengths:

Strategy:
Gambit has a strong strategical sense, especially when it comes to fighting. He can get accustomed to any terrain he is unfamiliar with rather quickly, and use his surroundings to his advantage.

Protector:
Gambit protects anyone and everyone he sees in trouble, no matter what Bloodcaste they are or what 'Species' (Land Dweller, Sea Dweller).


Flaws:

Cultural Vision:
His outlook on the planet he lives on and his verbal expression of his own opinions is quite dangerous to himself, as if he accidentally begins to rant when around the wrong troll, it could get him in trouble.

Short-Temper:
He has a tendency to become quickly angered when made fun of, which can cloud his judgement and make him lash out at the wrong people.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Weapon: Spearkind - X
The choice of weapon is tied directly to his symbol, seeing as it is supposed to be a shield with a spear over it. It is used a both offensive and defensive, seeing as the length of the spear can keep a fair distance between him and any problems he may be facing.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Appearance: Gambit wears a black cloak that almost hides all of his hair, save for his bangs. The cloak is a kind of camouflage as it is hard to see him in the darkness. He appears to be lean in muscle when it comes to a much more 'physical' appearance, due to the amount of fighting and exercising he has at home. The hood has two holes nearly on the side of his head, where semi-circle horns protrude from. The one on the right (left if you are facing him) has an arrow-head shaped appendage on the end. His pants do not show, as his large boots take up any seen leg-space from under his cloak. His symbol is shown in his blood color right on the center of his cloak. When his hood is off, he has medium-length shaggy black hair, though that black part is pretty obvious.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Home: A resourceful troll since hatching, Gambit made his first hive in Old Hemisect, using an old theater as a starting base. Since it has been claimed, he has made constant revisions to the space provided; adding his recuperacoon, appliances necessary, and other mini tidbits for fun.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±


Lusus: Berber is his Beardad lusus, and a very fitting custodian at that. The two are very alike, as they both take protecting others (In Beardad's case, Gambit) very seriously, but can be set off just as easily. Their relationship isn't as fruitful as it seems, however, as Beardad tends to get angry quite a bit more often. This usually ends up in a little extra fighting practice for Gambit, which he guesses isn't that bad in the end.

The way they met had been quite interesting though, considering Gambit did not wait for his custodian after his trials in the Brooding Caves. As soon as there was a chance to leave, he leapt at it, not caring if it was necessarily the safest thing to do. After all, he had a new body he needed to try out, and it was better now than never. But alas, the young troll did not know much about the planet's varying habitats and their significance, thus he managed to end up in the forest known as Four Fronds. And, to his misfortune, the troll ended up in the middle of one of the hunting parties current 'games'.

Now, terror wasn't something normally associated with Gambit, but this event was an exception to his fears. He never had to worry about older trolls, but that was because he never was around any to begin with. Now he could begin to hear them, cries of other trolls on hot pursuit of their prey. And he was right in their path. But before he could even see the yellow of their eyes, something had side-swiped him into the bushes. Was that fur he just felt?

Later on he awoke with a groan, blinking eyes dizzily connecting with the image of what appeared to be a giant white creature with a rather large and rather obtrusive nose that was getting a good sniff of him. Once again he feared the worst, when suddenly the creature stood up, and sat back. And it just seemed to stare at him. After a moment of regaining his train of thought, Gambit had noticed that the hunting party was gone. Apparently the Beardad either scared them off, or hid him all the same. Whatever happened, the lusus had saved his life. And thus began their custodianship.

It took awhile for them to get used to each other, however, seeing as no custodianship can be that instant. In fact, after being saved, Gambit had to worry more about his own lusus than another troll attacking him. Berber was still quite feral, and didn't take too well to being locked up in a hive. It usually resulted in constant strifes between the two, until the young redblood finally got an idea. Instead of leaving Berber behind when he left to go explore the ruins of Old Hemisect City, they would both go out together. It gave Berber the freedom he wanted, and Gambit an opportunity to learn further on how to protect those he cared about. And it strengthened their bond. The two began to rub off on each other quite a bit, Gambit becoming

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±
 
PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:32 pm
I almost...didn't post this...and just like...deleted it all....

Edit: When Autocorrect changes Red to Read e-e...
IM A READBLOOD OHYEA, I HAVE BOOKS IN MY BLOOD!!!-//shot
 

The Voice of Time

Shy Lover

7,950 Points
  • Battle: Rogue 100
  • Battle: Level Up 200

Sypon
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 4:30 pm
Hello there! It’s great to see some new blood in the application thread. My apologies for the quite lengthy wait; it’s been crazy for all of us this summer. On to the crit.

As an overall feel of your character, I want to know more. From his application currently I get his core personality, but I don’t get any of the nuances. Essentially, his application is currently padded with some great background story, but it’s not allowing for his full range to be showcased. He is clearly a righteous protector type of character; I think you may consider elaborating on the details in his personality, and especially in his strengths and flaws. You may even consider adding one more strength/flaw.

For instance! As a protector, Gambit has to face adversity because he steps into it as a rule. However, he is a lowblood – the lowest of the low, in fact. This should radically affect how he interacts with others, and even though he may see trolls sans blood color, the same can’t be said for them. Consider how his caste affects him on a personal level, as well as his relationships with others.

You frequently mention how he is different than other trolls – far from average because of his protective nature. It’s not completely uncommon for trolls to be guardians, but it is extremely uncommon for trolls to have entirely altruistic natures (even with humans this is true as well), to the point of being one dimensional. Not to say that he’s one dimensional of course, but in general I’m having a hard time identifying exactly what his “code” is – what he believes the system should be and why exactly he’s so driven like he is. There’s some waffling around this. Start with why his instinct is to protects others. Why is it so natural, when the rest of the world is essentially out to have him culled? Does it have to do with his code, and if so, to what lengths will he go to protect others? At what point is someone a “lost cause”?

Some little tidbits: how does he handle being caught or in a conflict with someone with the potential to harm him? His short-temper is a deadly flaw considering his blood type, so consider that.

Also, I always love hearing a little bit of exposition about the troll’s choice of weapon. Is there a particular reason or origin for Gambit’s spear and him using it?

I love the backstory behind Gambit and his lusus. This seems fine to me, but I’d love some additional elaboration on how Berber has rubbed off on his charge – rather than them being similar completely by chance, which doesn’t sit as well.

Lastly, overall I'm getting a very mature feeling for Gambit. The way you've written him makes me feel that he is a teenager or an adult -- not a child. I would revisit your wording at least and parts of his personality to accentuate or alter to make him read as more age appropriate.

Again, I apologize for the wait and I hope this helped! I’m excited to see how Gambit shapes up.  
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 7:10 pm
I'm actually rather afraid to read what I wrote...

It's been so long...*prepares self for the most epic of facepalmings*

Here we go...

(Will Edit post for when it is updated.)
 

The Voice of Time

Shy Lover

7,950 Points
  • Battle: Rogue 100
  • Battle: Level Up 200
Reply
Application Quests

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum