Advice on Punishments

[Warm Soul]

Hey girls, I've got an issue few thirteen-year-olds have.
You see, I've got a twin sister who is twenty-seven minutes younger than me.
She excelled in school up until third grade. At the beginning of third grade, I pushed myself and pushed myself to surpass her, as she was doing better than I. I beat her and have ever since. I've excelled in school, especially science and language arts. She's been failing ever since.

We're both in middle school, we share some teachers and last period.
She is failing math class right now. Been failing it all year.
This is the third trimester and she's made no improvement. She failed him first trimester and second trimester and has achieved no academic achievements.
I've gotten proficient in his class and advanced in all others, getting my Principals Honor roll but not Top Dog (name of our top honor roll at school). I've never achieved the top honor roll, but I have always gotten the second best. My twin has never gotten any honor roll whatsoever.

How in the world can we punish her and get it through her head that school is important?
She's very social, but taking away her phone doesn't bother her.
Taking away the PC doesn't bother her.
My tutoring her doesn't help.
Going to the teacher doesn't help.
Scolding her doesn't help.
Making her clean something doesn't help.

What can we possibly do?
I don't want to graduate without my sister, girls.
But there is no punishment we can think of; nothing works!  

[Kitalpha Hart]

can you make her sit and do her homework, helping her but not outright doing her homework?
she can't do anything else until her homework's done. emphasize that school comes first. if she complains, tell her tough s**t, do it. and check over that she's doing it, and actually doing it, not just plunking random answers. have her show her work and therefore prove that she did the work when you and your parents look it over (or just your parents)
she's not allowed to have dinner or go to bed or anything until she's done with it. 5 minute bathroom breaks, timed, starting from when she leaves the chair. have someone make sure that's what she's using them for. take all her electronics from her unless she needs the PC for research-then have someone monitoring her at all times to make sure she's not on Facebook
if, on the PC, you all have indidual logins and only your parents are admin, have them block Facebook, Gaia, any and every social networking site you know she goes on until she's done. or, better yet, take them all until she's catching up, and doesn't need to be reminded to do her homework
even should she start without reminders, keep an eye out and make sure she's still doing everything. her grades start slipping, start over  

[darlindol17]

Warm Soul

I may be able to help with this, because I've been through almost the exact same situation. I used to do exactly what your twin is doing now. In my case, it wasn't because I didn't care about school; there was a deeper underlying problem that had to be addressed. Punishment just makes it worse and makes it seem like you guys care more about her work than her feelings. Instead of doing anything harsh or continuing to punish her, try sitting down and talking to her. Figure out what's really going on with her. Ask her if anything's bothering her and if you can help. more than anything else, try to understand her. She's probably going through something that she doesn't feel that she can talk about, and is shutting down internally because of it. Try to compromise with her. Harsh punishment will only make her more defiant. The most important thing is to stay calm and not lose your cool. Force and aggression would be the worst thing you could do to convince her to change. I really hope this helps.  

[Warm Soul]

darlindol17

That helps a bit, but when I try to talk to her she won't open up. If I use my sisterly ways, she says its nothing or she hates her math teacher. Nothing works, and I know trying to punish her does nothing, but letting her fail quietly also does nothing. She isn't self motivated like my dad, grandma, or me. She just doesn't care, and I think it started after I started passing her in grades. But I think if I start failing, she won't take to the spotlight. There really is nothing I can do then.  

[darlindol17]

Warm Soul

Hmm. Well I can understand this from your sister's viewpoint because I used to be the same way. Maybe tell her how you feel and why this all bothers you. It could be that she feels inadequate next to you because of how you're surpassing her. Or maybe you, her, and your parent(s) should have a conference with the math teacher? Nothing always means something. Always. I'm not a very self-motivated person either, so maybe give her something to motivate her. Find something she likes in return for her improvement; bribe her in the beginning and later on she'll want to do it for herself and not the items.  

[Warm Soul]

darlindol17

I don't know what to bribe her with, and I have the same math teacher. I know that he sucks. He doesn't care and when he is supposed to teach he rants about God or how we don't pay attention. He's a poor teacher, so I understand her not getting it. But she has to try. I've tried bribing her with candy, but maybe if I get my dad in on this.... He can think of something. Maybe. What motivated you to work harder in school?  

[darlindol17]

Warm Soul

Your math teacher reminds me of my anatomy teacher >.< I hate her...Anyway you need to bribe her with something more substantial than candy. Something that's really important to her. For me, my girlfriend motivated me to work harder in school. My mom was being crazy strict and forcing me to stay in her office until I did my work, which cut me off from my (now ex) girlfriend. I started doing my work so that I finally spend time with her. Also my dream motivated me. I love animals, and I've always wanted to become a vet. I know that good grades are essential to that, so I have to do my work so that in the future I'll be able to help what I love. Find out what she loves. What truly means the world to her, and use that to inspire her. It might take some work if she's really as closed off as you say, but in time your hard work will pay off.  

[Warm Soul]

darlindol17

She doesn't know what she wants to be, so its hard enough to inspire her. All she does is listen to music and talk to her friends, so I'm kinda lost. I don't like the music she listens to. She listens to main stream pop songs like that Whistle song. It's really annoying. I know she likes playing games with me, like on the PS3 or games we've made up on the trampoline and such, but that only distracts her from her work. I don't want to give up. But the way she is... I'm just losing hope left and right.  

[darlindol17]

Warm Soul

Oh wow, I see why that would be difficult :/ Wow. I'm sorry but all my ideas are out. The only idea I have left is to cut her off from your life, but that might make it worse. It will either make her try harder so that you'll talk to her again, or it would shut her down completely and drive her into depression. it;s very risky; I wouldn't recommend it unless it's a very last resort.  

[Warm Soul]

darlindol17

Well, thanks for the ideas anyway. I might use one of them pretty soon. And I wouldn't be able to stand cutting her off from me. Plus, we share the same room. That makes it kinda hard. XD Thanks anyways. I'm talking to one of the friends we share about it because she's really good at school like me and together we might be able to use her social side against her. :3  

[darlindol17]

Warm Soul

Alright. I wish you luck, and I hope that things get better!  

[Meline Moon]

Have you tried rewards instead of punishment? Like going out for ice-cream after homework is done?

Also, why not grab some friends and make a study group. I find that studying and discussing the material with others helps a lot.  

[Tarrien]

Punishment seems like it hasn't helped in the past, thus it is not a matter of punishment that needs to be taken here. Give her incentives rather than more down talk. Examples would be, If you bump up your grade a letter you can stay out later. Money. Offers of going to a favorite restaurant.

If it truly is the lack of understanding of the material see if there's some possible way she can get help, or find a way to apply mathematics in a way that's useful towards her. Re-word questions to suite her likes if possible.

It sounds like basically she went through what I did in English years ago. I was depressed, and there wasn't much that could help me other than for my life to feel worth something. Punishments only hindered me and made me less happy which led to less homework being done. I needed motive (money*) which made me start actually doing the work.  

[Beth Phoenix23]

I'm in a similar situation like your with a friend and I know that you want your sister to get that school is important but sometimes you have to let people make there own mistakes because in the future they will see what there consequences are. As much as you want her to succeed she has to want it for herself. I don’t think punishments will work with her but I can be wrong.  

[AstridMiriam]

Let her do her own thing.
She can make up her decisions.