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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 1:02 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 1:07 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:23 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2012 12:36 am
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Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:19 pm
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:29 am
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"in the mode" > "in the mood"
deskri seems to be pretty solid! i do have a few questions though, mainly in terms of expanding on his virtues and flaws, and working out a few things that feel slightly inconsistent in terms of how you've described/named things, if you don't mind me delaying a bit from the almighty accepted stamp ;;
for loyal, what does it take for him to like you? is it just 'you dont run off after i spend the first two hours complaining bitterly to you about everything' or does he make people jump through hoops before he labels them as friends?
the ambitious strength makes me curious, what are his ambitions? you say when he really wants things he goes all out to get them, that's more determined. ambitious means that you not only dream of things, you dream big. despite sulking around in a puddle of hemohate on the surface, does he have any big goals that he still holds onto deep inside? or did you literally just mean determined o uo;
for creative, it seems to feel a little contradictory to not the sharpest tool. the way you've written sharpest is that he is slow in the brain, while being creative is usually attributed to quick, unique, out-of-the-box thinking. is he actually on the low end of the iq or is he just distracted from mundane things like other trolls and food safety laws by the lightning hot scars of imagination that sear the front of his brain? (or somethin' like that, but i'm basically trying to see how they could be worded so they work together)
coward coward coward. i have some questions here. first off, it feels written as something that's helping him. he isn't afraid of speaking his mind, so he doesn't let people walk over him. all he does is avoid fights, which are dangerous, especially to a lowblood, and -should- honestly be avoided. does this also stretch to include protecting friends in fights (against the loyal trait)? if not, then again, even less of a flaw. how exactly does keeping his skin intact and withdrawing before things get to messy hurt or hinder him? even with his explosive flaw, it seems to be written that even if he goes ahead and attacks someone, he will still remember to take care of no1 and pull his a** out of the fire before it gets cooked. if you want some ideas on how this could be reworked, or somethin like that, let me know, but i think i've written enough for you to think about now?
thanks for the wait, and if there's anything in here that you would like help with before submitting again, or anything you have questions about, quote me here and i'll help my best c:
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Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:41 pm
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Thank you for the crit! Haha I think I suffered a bit from "old character, not everyone knows him as well as I do" when it got down to his flaws and stuff. (Admittedly it doesn't help that he has more flaws than he has virtues...)
Added in a bit to his "loyal" virtue. That ones a little tricky I think because of the age he's gonna start at... he'd make friends easier as a kid but as he gets older he'll be more closed off and less trusting of others. Hoooopefully what I added gets that across? ; w ;''
I went ahead and renamed ambitious as "determined" because of that description issue, "determined" is a betting suiting word for what I was trying to get at. As a kid he wouldn't really have much in the way of ambitions anyway, the most he'd want is just to be treated equally.
For the creative/not the sharpest tool thing it... He's an intelligent person, he just does a lot of... really stupid things, or socially just doesn't catch on very well, so I made some edits to both of those to further expand on the point... He's a hands on person, the creativity is meant to utilize the world around him rather than be a completely mental thing. The denseness of his actions ties more into his social ineptitude, which might... be a better flaw to use?? I'm not sure.
I'm so used to playing him as a teen/young adult that its kind of hard to push him back into younger years. @ n @ I know where he's headed, its just hard to put it properly into a child's personality. C: I s'pose Imma ask for some insight from anyone else who might be willing and then resubmit him. Thank you for your time! You seem to have been pretty busy lately.
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Posted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 1:07 pm
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Posted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 3:48 pm
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Hey Asu! Deskri’s coming along nicely; you made some good changes! Some crit from me and you're almost there~ c:
First off, a little tidbit: it doesn’t matter if Deskri appears female or not! If he identifies as male, his gender is male.
Personality: How has kittydad rubbed off on Deskri? Is his constant grooming a result of over-protectiveness, or something otherwise? I initially read into it as over-protectiveness, but if he tries to get Des to toughen up that may be a different story.
Strengths/Flaws: Determined: The last bit “At this current stage in life…”, seems a little out of place. How does his determination affect meeting people? Is it connected to setting aside his anger issues, and if so, are his anger issues then not much of a problem if he can just be determined enough to push them aside? It seems to me like his explosive and cranky nature is a little wishy-washy throughout his application, because you’re trying to make him able to socialize. Try to define his anger in a way that you don’t have to water it down. Is he just a perpetual grouch who can socialize until those moments where he explodes surface? Does he constantly bounce back and forth between being socially inept due to his anger and socially adept when he is determined?
Good changes to Not the Sharpest tool, particularly in defining his lack of common sense. As far as his intelligence and analytical ability goes, how does he stand? That’s all that I want a little more on here, just to sharpen that definition between lacking common sense and lacking brain matter
Cowardly: This still reads like a strength. Think about it like this: When Deskri is in a position where he turns to cowardice, does it help him or hurt him? In this case, Deskri getting into fights or mouthing off to a highblood may cause him to get into a fight – being a coward would be the only thing to save his butt. It’s fine for it to be a strength occasionally, but it needs to be to the point where it is mostly negative for his health. Perhaps he leaves his friends behind when he is cowardly? Perhaps he’s cowardly in other ways than just being faced with physical conflict?
Appearance: You mention that his bedhead comes partially from him laying around all night. Is he lazy? Why’s he laying around? This is a little detail but it just came out of the blue.
Lusus: What is Kittydad’s personality? How does he get along with Deskri? More elaboration here is important, because Kittydad will be around Deskri at all times as a chid. smile
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