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 Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:43 pm
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Honestly, I know I am a nobody. Everyone uses me and then I am nothing to them. To everyone I am just a listening ear and then when I need someone to listen to how I feel no one is around or available.
But that's not what this was about...kind of. Well....maybe...I don't know.
The main reason I wrote this is because, honestly, I need to tell someone how depressed I am getting but no one will listen....not even my boyfriend....
My birthday is August 22. Why am I telling you this? Well my entire family has decided to give me total solitude on my birthday. My mom and step dad won't be home, they are going to the casino. My aunt, uncle, grandparents, and cousins are all going to florida the week of. And well, my. Boyfriend and friends have been ignoring my calls lately when I ask if they would like to do something.
The whole reason this is depressing me so much is because this is the third year this has happened...when I turned 16 no one even gave me a second glance when I was 17 I had to make a cake. No it wasn't even for me it was for my step-poppop whose birthday is the day after mine...and now this year.
My dad killed himself last October so I won't even get to see my sorry excuse for a father. My grandma and aunt of his side hasn't even spoken to me since. So I don't even count on anything from them.
I'm not even materialistic. I just want someone to acknowledge I'm another year older and to say they are happy for me because I'm not like a lot of the teenagers you see who are into drugs and sex or alcohol. I'm clean, I'm a straight A student who got into a college and will be the first in my family to even attempt going to college.
I don't even know what the point of posting this was, no one will bother to read it..I'm just not worth the life I have been given. Each breath I take could be another for a person with more potential and worth.
If I was gone who would miss me? Scratch that if I was gone every one would say they miss me but in their hearts and minds they would be thinking thank god.
I don't know why I even try. Even as an artist I seem to fail and never be good enough no matter how hard I push myself, I can't make anyone happy.
Well thank you to whoever read this far...if anyone....probably no one.....sorry I waisted your time...
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BrittyAsInPretty Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 8:37 pm
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Oh love. :/ I wish there was something I could do for you. All I can ask of you is stay strong. I can honestly say I know how you feel. I feel lonely most of the time, love. But, please, don't give up hope. I wish you a happy birthday. I do. Please smile and think of the happier things in life. while it may seem there are none right now, trust me, there is a ray of happiness everywhere, even if you don't see it. I know this because I have been in your situation. I have felt so low that I feel I have nothing. Please, just remember there are people who love you. If you ever need someone, I'm always just a message away. I may not have the perfect advice, but I can listen. I have been through a lot in my life, so I may be able to help, at least a little. <3
Much love, your co-captian,
BritaniBoo-licious, aka Britty |
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