I'm ashamed and afraid of something inevitable.

[Le Honey]

Aristocrat In Pink

Le Honey

I was like that a couple of years ago. But...
I didn't let it control me because I knew that I had to cherish my life with the ones that I love.
It's been a year and two months since the only grandmother I had died and I always regretted my self because I didn't spend all my time with her but her death has taught me that I can't take things for granted and that i need to live my life to the fullest and to make lots of memories so that later on I can share them with my kids and so on..

Your parents wants what's the best for you and I think that if you keep your anxiety aside (and I know it's not easy but you can practice) and create wonderful memories with them that can lead you to a better future and not let you worry so much.

Life is something special and you only live it once. So why not create awesome memories??

And I know that this might no be all that related with what you posted but..
Hope I helped..

And........sorry for my bad english..
:3

TheAristocratSays:
Thank you so much for your comment.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. May she rest in peace.

It's horrible to hear that this fear of death is actually not uncommon. D:
I hate for other people to feel this way, but I love the fact that all you girls who have commented have spoken about it in a past tense.
It's nice to know that, now, you're no suffering with these thoughts and it's very inspirational and powering to someone like me who is suffering 'cause now I know I can pull through this~!

Thank you so much~! emotion_hug

I really hope that you can overcome it and I know you can do it!
And even you said that you can pull through it. That's the spirit! emotion_dealwithit

In the future, who knows, you may fall, but what's important is to get up again, forget what happened and keep on fighting!

If you need help, talk to someone you really trust and let all your worries out.And there is nothing to be ashamed of.

-hugs-
:3

 

[TH3_G1ITCH_]

Just a little update...
More just to get stuff down, really.

I went to the doctor's today and told her how I've been feeling, that I feel constantly scared of dying and losing my family and that I'm scared that I've become so unhealthy that even though I'm on a diet now the damage is already done.

She's increased my current medication and even gave me sleeping tablets.
She even asked me if I wanted to be referred to a mental health clinic (the one I went to previously) which I said no and she just said that that's fine.
I was given a questionaire to fill in and she said it sounds like I'm depressed again. (Or, that it's gone 'up')

I asked her, like I always do 'cause I'm just a botherer, to check my blood pressure and she checked BOTH arms which she's never done before so I knew something was up and then said that my blood pressure 'is a little in the high zone' The last time I went to see her which was about 1 month ago she said the same thing to me.
She said it could be because of my anxiety but I always have anxiety and it's only been these two times that my blood pressure has been higher than normal.

This has absolutely terrified me. I've been crying as soon as I got home as I just think of this as the beginning of the end. I mean, I'm definitely unhealthy that's why I'm dieting now but what if the damage is done?

Is there anyone here in the medical track career? When would be the time that you believe it's too late to become healthy again?

I'm also going back to the doctors in a week's time.

So... Yeah... If it gets worse, or there's no sign of my blood pressure getting better then... I don't know...

:<

I really don't mean for this to sound attention seeking, I truely am scared now...  

[Mistress of The Fae]

Aristocrat In Pink

I would say don't worry, but I'm the same way. Depression (diagnosed at a young age, I've been having therapy since I was 5), and anxiety disorder.
I CONSTANTLY have that feeling of paranoia, that something terrible will happen to the people I care about.
I also have held myself back from ending my life because of worrying about my family suffering emotionally from my death. I can't hurt them.
The worse my anxiety is, the worse the worrying is.
Like me, you probably ruminate.
I'm sorry that alcohol is your escape, since as you said it makes things worse.
I am glad you aren't hurting yourself, even though alcohol isn't a good thing...
But escaping a panic attack is appealing, believe me I know.
I have anti anxiety and anti depressants, one anti anxiety is "as needed", and believe me, it's always needed.

What I can suggest is to continue talking to your doctor,
along with telling your family how much you love them
I can't go to sleep without at least attempting to make peace with them,
telling them that I love them and putting any arguments aside.

I wish I could have more to say, but I don't know how to deal with it myself sweatdrop