I'm starting to not be afraid of thinking about suicide..

[popochuu]

What a great way to introduce myself.. huh?
First post in this guild.. and it's about suicide.. Umm.. I don't know.. I'm just writing what first comes to mind.. so pardon for the scattered thoughts and lots of dots... But, uhh.. I'm starting to not be afraid of the idea of suicide.. Like, the idea before, about me not living anymore used to scare me, because no matter what life was like, and how many times I thought about dying.. I just, couldn't see myself not living.. but, as the days go on.. I'm starting to really think about not living anymore, and it's scaring me. Recently, I've been finding myself holding knives, and holding too many pills in my hands and not even realizing what I'm doing.. I want to empty my bottle of sleeping pills, and just fall asleep and hope god that I don't wake up.
I don't know who.. or what I can turn to to help me figure out why I can't be happy.
I don't get it.. I really don't.. and I'm starting to get scared.. I have a boyfriend who cares about me, I have a family who cares about me, and I'm a nurse at a retirement home, where all my residents adore me.. but no matter how much I try to be happy.. I always end up even more miserable and more secluded than the day before..
I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this..

 

[The_9th_Doctors_Rose]

Oh.my.GOD! Why hasn't anyone replied to you yet? To be honest I really have no idea what to say but I'm going to reply anyway just to let you know that I care. emotion_hug . Have you thought about trying to see someone?

If you need someone to talk to PLEASE don't hesitate to pm me or quote me or something. emotion_hug  

[Your Bunnie Babe]

u s a c h u - x

My best friend in the WORLD told me that she was thinking about that before school ended,but she had changed her mind.
I dont think you should kill yourself.I think that you should try and talk to someone;someone that really knows you and cares for what you have to say and wont judge you.For a few days I had thought about suicide,but I never did anything.It quickly went away when I thought about how my family and friends would feel.So please,dont.I may not know you,but I dont want anyone to die.A few weeks ago,they had fround a girl -16,maybe 18 I think?- that was dead.They didnt say how she died,but my best friend -the one I said at the top- and her older sister knew the girl and that she died by a gun shot to the head and her fingers choped off.The thought of someone killing someone like that made my skin crawl and the thoughts of how some people kill them selfs with knifes made it crawl even more but out of fear of how others feel.
So,I know you can overcome it ^^
Good luck to you my friend.  

[Feezle]

Please, not only talk to a loved and trusted family member, but also contact a professional. I am not in any way saying you are crazy or mentally disturbed or anything AT ALL, just that a professional will give you your greatest chance of discovering why you feel so unhappy and give you the chance to turn that around. They think logically and analytically, rather than emotionally like a family member or friend would, and would help break down possible causes.
There are plenty of anonymous hotlines that are there for you, full of caring people that are willing to help.
Don't do it just for yourself, do it for everyone whose life you have touched in some way, shape, or form.

And as the girls prior have said, we're here for you, too.  

[Mickey_McNoodle]

oh man.........kid please no...I actually have something I can do now...I lost a friend to suicide.. He had kids...he had a family.. I never thought he would do it..he was like a father to me...He was in treatment with me for phsychatric help outpatient help.. He was trying to get better WITH ME...but things happened.. oh please.. I know I don't know you..but please..I'm not going to lie I've been there, tried it, regretted it everytime.. Don't be like that and better yet.. Don't hurt the people you love either.. THEY WILL NEVER FORGET nor will they stop beating themselves over it...  

[Mickey_McNoodle]

Feezle

Please, not only talk to a loved and trusted family member, but also contact a professional. I am not in any way saying you are crazy or mentally disturbed or anything AT ALL, just that a professional will give you your greatest chance of discovering why you feel so unhappy and give you the chance to turn that around. They think logically and analytically, rather than emotionally like a family member or friend would, and would help break down possible causes.
There are plenty of anonymous hotlines that are there for you, full of caring people that are willing to help.
Don't do it just for yourself, do it for everyone whose life you have touched in some way, shape, or form.

And as the girls prior have said, we're here for you, too.

It's true, professional help does wonders, and I fought it for a long time..  

[the mage-girl]

Sweetie, don't do it. Please. crying

If you are having these feelings, you are having them for a reason. Did something happen recently to upset you? (Even positive things, like a new job, can be stressful.) Is there mental illness in your family?

I hope you can find someone you trust IRL to talk to. The first person I talked to was my doctor, because I went to her office for a simple sinus infection and broke down completely. Over the course of a couple visits she diagnosed me with depression and put me on a med to stabilize me.

If you end up on a med, it won't make you happy. It'll just make it easier to cope, or cut down on your thoughts of harming yourself. You would not believe how much energy those thoughts can suck out of you!

In case you don't want to talk to a doctor, you can talk to a pastor, a good family friend or relative, or someone who is close to you who won't totally freak out when you say you've felt like hurting yourself. You need someone to care, but you need someone to be rational about it, too.

Take care, and keep us posted!  

[Le Honey]

I hope I'm not to late..
But giiiiiiiiirl... Hold up!
Don't think so low about yourself.!
As you said you have a boyfriend that loves you.
You have your family that loves you and where you work too!
You need to take control of yourself and not let it control you!
I may not know you but I think your a brave,intelligent and a great person
Because you decided to open up about what's been bothering you and such.
But you need to think ahead of yourself.
Committing suicide will not make you any better because after that it is when problems becomes worse...
for your family and for the ones that loves you.
So please think about what you want to accomplish later on.
Not everyone can become a great nurse such as you.
Think about all of the people that you have taken care where you work.
All of those smiles in their faces.

Hope that I helped in any way.

And pardon me for my bad english...
:3