Have you ever...

[chaoskaye]

Had that moment in your life where everything begins to look up and go your way only to be shattered again by a certain someone or event?

Well I just did, and I can already tell a string of unpleasant events will follow this catastrophe. So if you want to listen to how utterly dysfunctional my life and family are please let me know, because I would really appreciate someone to listen at this moment.

 

[DeathFyrz]

You know, I can relate to that...

Every time something good happens to me, it leads up to this huge 10x worse situation where if I do one wrong move, i'm thrown back into the metaphorical abyss of pain & sorrows...

I wouldn't mind listening..
Not like i'm doing anything better with my torturous life..  

[chaoskaye]

DeathFyrz

I'm sorry that you have to deal with a never ending loop of misfortune, really I wouldn't wish this kind of pain onto anyone.

At this moment there had been a lot going on with my family and myself. There are some things I would rather not discuss over an open forum, but there are others I am comfortable speaking about.

My father has the tendency to speak without thinking about what he's saying. He's hurt everyone with these hateful remarks and comments.
Yesterday he ended up hurting my grandmother, which turned into an even bigger argument. It seems like he would rather leave his family than try to become a better person.
I tried to shorten what had happened so you wouldn't have to read an amazingly long paragraph.

 

[DeathFyrz]

chaoskaye

DeathFyrz

i sometimes speak without thinkin, but i tend to also be a sadistic person.
when i'm hurt, I lash out and hurt people around me.. it makes me feel better :L my misfortune is part of my own doing, as well.. and I understand not wanting to talk about some things, i see my life as rather... "good" in some ways, but I never was a fan of material things..  

[chaoskaye]

DeathFyrz

I try not to lash out at people around me when I've been hurt. I tend to go to the person who has hurt me and try to work things out with them. I find it adds less grief and pain in my life.

My life is amazing in some ways. I'm thankful my parents are loving enough to accept who I am. But there's always that constant anger and bitterness between my family members that is tearing us apart.
I don't care much for material items either, they are replaceable. Other things can never be replaced.

 

[DeathFyrz]

chaoskaye

DeathFyrz

Tbh, the only thing I really ever cared about in life was love...
but finding someone you can love, who will love you, and accept you is like...
trying to find the one diamond per load of 5 million lumps of coal :L
and once you find it, you can't ever find a new one.. so if you dirty that diamond, and you cant clean it, you cant get rid of it, break it, or get a new one.. you're stuck with something that hurts you to look at.

and family? i cant really come out fully to my family.. i dont think my dad would accept my being gay, and most of my friends would hate me...  

[chaoskaye]

DeathFyrz

Love is a big part of my life too.
But still, you should never give up on trying to find the right person for yourself, even if you're sure they were the one. Or you could just attempt to win their heart back.

Believe me I know how hard that can be, it took me years to finally come out to my mom. She accepted me, but I wasn't too thrilled when she outed me to my grandmother, it was something I wanted to tell people myself.
But in the end, everyone was pretty accepting of my sexuality.
I do wish people were more open minded though. It would make things easier for us and less painful.

 

[DeathFyrz]

chaoskaye

DeathFyrz

I found my True Love already, sadly he lives across the country and hates me, thinks i'm an immature, sadistic little f*ck and tries to generally avoid me.. sooo...

i mean, at least he's happy.. right...? v_v ~sad sigh~ anyways! enough of my problems, i try to not think of them..

and when you live in texas, in a major city, in the ghetto, it's hard to be honest :L so it's pretty hard to come out to anyone that i dont know or dont trust fully.. it took me 15 years just to tell my mom, but i think they knew a year before because i'm not exactly the top in the bed.. nor am i the silent type >-<;;
luckily my dad sleeps like a rock x3  

[chaoskaye]

DeathFyrz

I really didn't understand what it was like to not be able to be out fully until I moved from Southern California to Northern Arizona. Since, where I live, most everyone is either a redneck/cowboy or Mormom, I assume I wouldn't exactly be accepted. But, I'm moving back to California once I have enough money to do so.

 

[shadow_hellchild9756]

chaoskaye

Had that moment in your life where everything begins to look up and go your way only to be shattered again by a certain someone or event?

Well I just did, and I can already tell a string of unpleasant events will follow this catastrophe. So if you want to listen to how utterly dysfunctional my life and family are please let me know, because I would really appreciate someone to listen at this moment.

story of my miserable ******** exsistance bro....................