The Song of A Broken Soldier

[His Majesty Satan]

I'm one with the battleground,
Left for dead,

This world has left me with the sounds,
Of bloodshed.

And no one else realized,
I had left.

This war still causes chaos,
In my head.

Will I ever be back,
Home again?

I played right into the lies,
They have fed.

And now we all march in lines,
Clothes stained red.

We came by the thousands,
More or less.

Patriotism will be
Our last regret.

 

[DrksStoryteller9000]

I really like that, i don't have any criticism towards the poem. I find you to be a fantastic writer.  

[His Majesty Satan]

DLT15dragonlord

I really like that, i don't have any criticism towards the poem. I find you to be a fantastic writer.

Thank you very much. I don't get too many awesome reviews xD  

[DrksStoryteller9000]

Elder Astrauld

DLT15dragonlord

I really like that, i don't have any criticism towards the poem. I find you to be a fantastic writer.

Thank you very much. I don't get too many awesome reviews xD

You are welcome. haha what? it was awesome lol  

[His Majesty Satan]

DLT15dragonlord

Elder Astrauld

DLT15dragonlord

I really like that, i don't have any criticism towards the poem. I find you to be a fantastic writer.

Thank you very much. I don't get too many awesome reviews xD

You are welcome. haha what? it was awesome lol

Some people don't fancy my subjects as much as others... I'm dissing war xD Some people would shove patriotic crap down my throat if they read that.  

[DrksStoryteller9000]

Elder Astrauld

DLT15dragonlord

Elder Astrauld

DLT15dragonlord

I really like that, i don't have any criticism towards the poem. I find you to be a fantastic writer.

Thank you very much. I don't get too many awesome reviews xD

You are welcome. haha what? it was awesome lol

Some people don't fancy my subjects as much as others... I'm dissing war xD Some people would shove patriotic crap down my throat if they read that.

nahhhh not me.... i enjoy your subjects actually.....  

[Night Kunoichi]

I liked the topic and it was fairly well done. Although there were times where it just came out awkward. I tend to read my poetry aloud. It helps me find the rhythm but there were a few places it didn't seem to flow as smoothly. But all in all I really liked it. :3  

[Gnomes-san]

It was powerful, certainly. My only comment echoes the last post, but more specifically, on the second to last line. It just feels like its lacking a syllable, I think.

However, it was otherwise rendered exceptionally.  

[Marigoldeyes]

Elder Astrauld

Some people don't fancy my subjects as much as others... I'm dissing war xD Some people would shove patriotic crap down my throat if they read that.

Well, fear no more, I do not support wars either. Patriotism alright, but what about those who lived? Who were too far gone to be helped? PTSD is real, after all.

I have mixed feelings about the commas after the first lines. It's a bit weird to read out loud, but I understand how the meaning could differ with those little commas.

Other than that and what Gnomes-san said, I agree that it's a powerful poem.
I love the part:
Will I ever be back,
Home again?

It was strong-- the uncertain future, longing, they really show. Good job.

Thank you. The commas were mostly to emphasize that this is a more rhythmic poem. When I read it, I read it as if I was singing it. It had a few short pauses, so I put in some commas. Thanks for the input, though. I really appreciate it .