Welcome to Gaia! ::

All Writers United

Back to Guilds

A place for any and all writers to share their brilliance. 

Tags: writing, literature, fantasy, horror, roleplay 

Reply Poetics
Critique, please?

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

jumpforjo

PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:49 pm
I'm submitting this poem for a scholarship to a creative writing program, so it would be really awesome if I could get some critique?
The prompt was "Write about love in exactly one hundred words."

Love.
What a funny word.
Say it again.
Love.
But why do we even call it that?
Where do we get that word?
Love.
In French, it's amour, in Latin it's amare.
In Italian it's amore, in Spanish it's amor.
Love.
Try to define it.
Go ahead, try.
Love.
It encompasses so much.
It's impossible to define.
Love.
Sometimes, you don't realize you love something until it's gone.
Sometimes, you know it the moment you acquire it.
Love.
We mistake a lot of things for love.
Infatuation, admiration, dependency, lust, gratitude.
Love.
What a funny word.
Say it again.
Love.  
PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:13 pm
instead of mentioning what the word for love is in other languages, i think you should mention how love hurts, can be delightful, be confusing, be worth it, and etc. just something in that area. or what you could do is add what it means to love and not to be in love, the difference between it..... im sure i can come up with something more, but for now these are the only suggestions i have to make  

DrksStoryteller9000


ReaperSong

PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:28 pm
I like how you chose to use other lanugages in your poem. I might suggest branching out from the romance languages, as they all are very similar, and... obviously not where we get the word.

I like the repetition of love every third line. The opening and closing remarks make me giggle.

Seems to scatter to too many things after you "try to define it"... maybe love does "encompass so much", lol. You start off with the entymology, the definition, then recognizing it... or not.

I'd suggest keeping to shorter line lengths and tightening your mirroring at the begining of the couplets.

Nice work. Thanks for sharing, and good luck smile  
Reply
Poetics

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum