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 Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 3:28 pm
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Elizabeth sat on the floor of her bedroom playing with some cards alone she had nothing better to do, it was cold and stormy outside and she was home alone. The rain was pounding hard against her window as if it wanted her to invite it inside. Occasionaly her room would light up from the lightning there was something about rain and storms that made Elizabeth sleepy. Elizabeth walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of tea when she returned to her room she noticed her curtains blowing in the wind thinking the storm had blown open the window she went to close it and on her window seal was a small white box with a silver ribbon wrapped around it tied into a bow on top of the lid of the box confused she looked out of the window and saw noone walking around in the rain they would be crazy if they were she thought to herself. Her room was also empty, she sat on the foot of her bed turning the box over and over in her hands she decided to open it she grabbed one side of the ribbon and pulled it the ribbon fell to the floor and she removed the lid inside was a tiny piece of paper folded in half she removed the paper and unfolded it on the piece of paper it had read.
Liz,I've watched you over the years my you have grown you are so smart and beautiful I miss you so I love you.
There was only one other person in Elizabeth's life that had called her Liz and that was her mother, she had died when Elizabeth was ten walking home from the grocery store she walked past a small fenced in basketball court there were about five teenage boys playing ball one noticed Elizabeth's mother walking by he slapped another boy in the stomach "she's got a purse"he said. The basketball game ended.The boy's were watching Elizabeth's mother walk down the side walk two of the boys walked up to Elizabeth's mom and they started pushing her demanding her to hand over the purse she was struggling with the boys they kept pushing her around one boy shoved her hard and she fell to the ground hitting her head on a rock the boys snatched her purse and ran off down the street thinking she was just knocked out but later Elizabeth's father and herself found out that Elizabeth's mom had a aneurysm in her head and when she hit her head on the rock it caused it to bust.
Elizabeth read the letter again. Liz,I've watched you over the years my you have grown you are so smart and beautiful I miss you so and I love you.
Tears started to pour from her eyes and she ran to her window she shouted out of the window," Is this your idea of a joke? do you think this is a damn joke!" she slammed the window shut and put the letter back in the box she put the box under her bed a few days later there was another storm. Elizabeth was reading a book and listening to her ipod when suddenly her window flew open and on her window seal was a small white box with a silver ribbon wrapped around it tied into a bow ontop of the lid of the box she closed her window and sat on the foot of her bed she turned the box over and over in her hands,she decided to open it she grabbed one side of the ribbon and pulled it the ribbon fell to the floor she removed the lid inside was a piece of paper folded in half she unfolded the paper and on it,it had read.
Liz I wish you would play your clarinet I really miss hearing you play I miss you so and I love you.
Elizabeth used to love playing the clarinet she stoped playing when her mother had died because she used to practice using her mother as an audience, she still had her clarinet in her closet,she folded the note in half and put it back in the box she put the box under her bed she went to her closet and got out her clarinet she didn't know who was writing the letters who put them on her window seal and why they only came when it stormed. what if it is my mother she thought it sounds crazy but angels can do anything if it is my mother then I will do what she wants me to do to make her happy. Elizabeth clicked open her black clarinet case and removed her clarinet she put it together and played a few songs, a few days later there was another storm Elizabeth sat on the foot of her bed starring at her window waiting for another box suddenly the window flew open and on her window seal was a small white box with a silver ribbon wrapped around it tied into a bow ontop of the lid on the box Elizabeth closed her window and sat on the foot of her bed Elizabeth turned the box over and over in her hands, she decided to open it she grabbed one side of the ribbon and pulled the ribbon fell to the floor she removed the lid inside was a piece of paper folded in half she removed the paper and unfolded it on the piece of paper it had read.
Liz,thank you for the songs they were beautiful I wish I could hug you and soon enough I will be able to I miss you so and I love you
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Elizabeth folded the note and put it back in the box she put the box under her bed a few days later Elizabeth's father found her dead in her bed he couldn't understand how a sixteen year old girl died of natural causes a few days later it was storming Elizabeth's father sat in the living room in silence suddenly the window flew open he got up to close it thinking the storm had blown open the window and on the window seal was a small white box with a silver ribbon wrapped around it tied in a bow ontop of the lid of the box ,he sat on the couch and turned the box over and over in his hands he decided to open it he grabbed one side of the ribbon and pulled the ribbon fell to the floor he removed the lid and inside was a tiny piece of paper folded in half he removed the paper and unfolded it on the piece of paper it had read.
Dad,mom and I are finaly together again don't be sad we miss you so and we love you we can't wait to hug you again.
Tears poured from his eyes he put the note back in the box and and walked to the door and threw the box outside and shouted, "Is this your idea of a joke?!" a few days later Elizabeth's father had a heart attack and died a few days later the sun was shinning brighter than it had shown in weeks.
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 11:48 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 6:32 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:44 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 11:54 am
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 12:10 pm
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See the young man sitting in the old man's bar...
That was so much easier to read, thank you! heart I'm glad I got to read through the whole story. It really was very, very interesting. I liked the idea behind it. I really did. You seem like the person that has a lot of stories just waiting to come out. smile
The technical details of the story are wanting a bit, but I believe that most of those only come through writing constantly. Perhaps other members will have better advice than that. However, I'd like you to keep writing and share whatever you would like. You have a lot of heart and I think that's one of the most important parts if you're going to write.
I'd much prefer to read a story that may need more work, but makes me feel something than read the most beautiful prose and not give a crap about how the story ends. You made an emotional connection. While Liz, who we seem to be in the mind of, is an interesting protagonist, she would not be able to know what the boys said or, with no evidence, how the death happened.
However, I do think that you brought up good points about grief. I stopped doing almost anything after I lost my father. It was good to see that Liz stopped playing her clarinet and I like that the family got together in the end. It was very sweet. heart Though I do hope that you're doing this all out of your imagination rather than personal experience!
Anyways, please keep writing. You've got a lot of heart. The technicalities will come later and there's wonderful people here that will be more than willing to help with those. Nobody can teach you how to feel a story though. smile Good job. Thank you again for sharing!
...waiting for his turn to die. |
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 6:04 pm
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