The Women in the Waterfall

[GhostlyMark]

hey people im back for another one(all in the top of my head don't expect anything good)

I find my self standing in the line of fire
of tiny bullets that land on my skin
and melt away. A women stands
to be engulfed by the waterfall's
harsh drool.

In a trace, I stare how exposed her beauty
was. Brown woven yarn from her scalp
willingly falls along with the scurrying water
and seems to flow with it down the stream.

A light touch upon her skin as light
a feather free falling and safe lands.
And the light splits open the sky
to have the women in a spotlight.

Blinded by the glistening shines
of diamonds dripped upon her skin;
I am drowned in a white blinding
place. Forced to search that beauty.  

[Rockerenigma]

your poem has potental. Now honestly the only big thing that I thought it really needed was commas, since people are reading this we don't know where your pausing(whether dramatic pause, to breath, rytheme flow) And thats a really big thing. It helps you get your point across to your readers. As well each sentence can remain in its own line if you want so periods don't need to be used. But if you want an example on commas I recently posted a poem called Question For A Stranger  

[GhostlyMark]

Rockerenigma

your poem has potental. Now honestly the only big thing that I thought it really needed was commas, since people are reading this we don't know where your pausing(whether dramatic pause, to breath, rytheme flow) And thats a really big thing. It helps you get your point across to your readers. As well each sentence can remain in its own line if you want so periods don't need to be used. But if you want an example on commas I recently posted a poem called Question For A Stranger

i actually have a good use of commas(not being cocky or anything) i just wrote this without stopping