Faceless

[Bad BIood]

" I'm a faceless little monster,
with nothing but thy eyes that see.
My soul is lost in a sea of dead,
far beyond my dreams.
So you may be wondering-
'what has brought you to this state of mind?'
In complete and utter honesty,
I blame this hell-bound wine.
I'm just a faceless alien,
and my mother ship has been gunned-down.
I live in a megalithic compound,
full of bullshit fantasies and run-down allies.
I'm a homicidal paladin,
contradicted to hell knows where.
I'm just a faceless robot,
and my battery's run empty tonight. "

 

[Evelyn Moonmeadow]

OMG! This seriously made me want to cry! For some reason I could totally relate to it! It was so deep! heart heart heart heart  

[Bad BIood]

Evelyn Moonmeadow

OMG! This seriously made me want to cry! For some reason I could totally relate to it! It was so deep! heart heart heart heart

Lol... Thank you x)  

[Evelyn Moonmeadow]

Bad BIood

Evelyn Moonmeadow

OMG! This seriously made me want to cry! For some reason I could totally relate to it! It was so deep! heart heart heart heart

Lol... Thank you x)

Haha, you're welcome!!!  

[Jessa Hazel]

Oh wow!

sweatdrop Gosh, I wish I had something more intelligent to say. Let me try...

Well...to start, I loved how it flowed and I adore the language used. 'Hell-bound wine'? That seemed, to me, to be a small flash of Poe there.

The whole thing is marvelous though. The ending, I thought, was superb. It just...it hits home and brings the whole thing 'round to a lovely finish. (If all of this is incoherent, I apologize. I really need to sleep but read this and had to comment.)

In summary, I think it's...wow... I think it's wonderful. heart The faceless alien, the homicidal paladin... I believe that those are perfect descriptions for how we all feel at times. Unfortunately, not all of us are as good at putting names to them!

Thank you for sharing. smile  

[Bad BIood]

Jessa Hazel

Oh wow!

sweatdrop Gosh, I wish I had something more intelligent to say. Let me try...

Well...to start, I loved how it flowed and I adore the language used. 'Hell-bound wine'? That seemed, to me, to be a small flash of Poe there.

The whole thing is marvelous though. The ending, I thought, was superb. It just...it hits home and brings the whole thing 'round to a lovely finish. (If all of this is incoherent, I apologize. I really need to sleep but read this and had to comment.)

In summary, I think it's...wow... I think it's wonderful. heart The faceless alien, the homicidal paladin... I believe that those are perfect descriptions for how we all feel at times. Unfortunately, not all of us are as good at putting names to them!

Thank you for sharing. smile

Why thank you. ~  

[ThatGirlWhoWrites]

This is a very powerful piece of work. I really enjoyed dissecting it.

There was a lot going on in it, though, including many things that didn't seem to drive a point for your concluding line. What I mean is, there's a new metaphor happening before we've had time to accept the old one. It could be even more powerful than it already is if you were to expand some of those metaphors and tie them into the idea of the wine's effect or the idea that you're lost and without purpose.

For example, when you juxtaposed your homicidal paladin metaphor next to your faceless robot metaphor, the ideas bring up imagery that's so conflicting, the reader may lose track of the purpose.

I really, really enjoyed your imagery in this poem. You don't have to follow my criticisms at all, because it is very gorgeous. There would simply be more depth if you either expanded on your metaphors or reduced their numbers.

Keep up the great work! heart