Pierro Tryggr - Blueblood (crit me!!)

[Manda]

Name: Pierro Tryggr

Blood colour: Bright blue

Gender: Male

Symbol: The Egyptian hieroglyph feather - Shut

Personality:
Devious
Being a troll who can fairly easily tell when others are telling the truth or lying, Pierro doesn't seem to have a problem being evasive himself. In fact, this ability of his seems to have only made him better at it. Generally, he tends to not tell the entire truth to anyone - hiding bits and pieces here and there.

Inspiring
Despite never telling the whole truth, he seems to inspire an odd sort of loyalty in others. All he really has to do is talk to someone for a little while to worm his way into their good graces. Something about him just tends to make others want to trust him for some reason. He's fairly charismatic and also of a higher blood caste, so this could have something to do with it.

Decisive
Once he's made a decision to do something, he's going to go through with it, no matter what. There's fire between him and his destination? He'll youth roll right the ******** through those flames. Someone's opposing what he wants? He'll take them down one way or another. Doesn't matter what it is, he's pretty stubborn about this stuff!

Self-confident
Pierro believes completely and totally in his own abilities and strengths. He knows exactly what he's good at and how good he IS. This can sometimes lead to overconfidence but for the most part it tends to serve him well. If at some point, it was revealed to him that he's not quite as good at something as he thinks he is, he'd try to correct that pretty fast.

Quick
This young troll is quick in a variety of ways. He's good at thinking on his feet and following the trends of the time in order to both fit in, and be able to manipulate the social landscape to his favor. Pierro is also fairly fast during strife, sometimes surprisingly so. Mostly when he's dodging what could be a crippling or killing blow, though. He's not above taking on lesser hurts in order to avoid the big one.

Strengths:
Physically Strong
A bit like Equius but not quite as freakishly STRONG like that ... More like he's got the musculature of a mid-20's human male at the equivalent of 13 years old.

Unafraid
Pierro has yet to meet something that really, truly scares him. Sure, he's been apprehensive a time or three, but not true oh-dear-gog-I'm-gonna-die afraid. Part of this is mostly because he's usually quick enough in his thoughts and on his feet to stay out of too much trouble.

Flaws:
Headstrong
Related to a few things above, Pierro can be absolutely insufferable sometimes when he's got his mind focused on something. Usually not to the extent that he'll lose allies or anything like that, but it could get annoying to others.

Calculating
Even to those he's connected with in this troll disease called friendship, Pierro is almost always less than completely honest. It's also nearly impossible for him to stop his mind from thinking about how to destroy someone else. It's not malicious (all the time), but there are plans running about his thinkpan all day long about how to completely obliterate those around him - be it physically, emotionally, socially .... you name it. If others around him were to figure this out, things could go fairly badly.

Weapon: Harpoonkind

Appearance: I have a reference of him here! Kid clothing fairly simple, I'll leave that up to artist~

Home: City

Lusus: Snakedad - pretty much like a snake but it has tiny little legs (mostly nonfunctional)

Power: Not necessarily a "power" but he can generally tell when someone is telling the truth or not  

[matisha]

[Critting time!!

Just had a good old read of your quest!! Sorry about the wall of text but I promise you its not nearly as bad as it seems XD

Personality:
I feel this needs to be fleshed out, although its good to see you have devided his personality into segments there isnt alot of information to work on and I would like to know more!!

Devious: His ability to tell if someone is lying, that is quite talent! I would like to know when he discover this ability! Was it due to his upbringing, his lusus? Being of this blood caste he is unable to have any telepathic power but in a way this is verging on being one. Can he just 'read' trolls faces? Can he tell the subtitles in a trolls voice when they start to lie? Unless someone is terrible at lying or they have taken psychology/social studies etc it is hard to tell if someone is lying to you unless you are very in-tune to human/troll nature! This needs to be worked on if you want to keep it apart of his personality. I would like to see more information and thought behind this ability for it to be 'allowed' into the troll community. In a way it can be seen as god-modding, if a troll wanted to lie for a good plot reason your troll would see right though it and it would defeat the whole object. I am not saying it is being reject but you must reduce the strength of this ability so people can lie for certain RP's if needs be without getting caught out!

Maybe this whole ability can be moved to a strength as well? You can work on this part to solely reflect his devious nature. Why doesn't he want to tell the truth? What is he trying to hide? Is there something he doesn't want other trolls to find out about?

Inspiring: Again the way you have written this is very god-modding. I can't see a reason why anyone would be inspired by him just off the bat! He doesn't have any courageous or awe-inspiring abilities. He may be confident but egotistical self absorbed trolls have that and they don't have a mass following! This would work better as manipulative instead of inspiring. That way he can 'worm' his way into people thoughts giving the illusion of him being better than he is and have trolls 'warm' to him or see him as a 'leader sort' - just because he is blue blood doesn't demand loyalty from all those around him. He has to earn it, it is a dog eat dog world after all!!

Charismatic would work well with the manipulative point but again it needs t be filled out more!

Decisive Again fill this out, ask yourself questions about why he has such a need to complete task or goals. How far is he willing to take this? Would he kill anyone who stood in his way? Even a purple blood? This trait is fine but more details would be great!

Self-confident How would he correct not being good at something? Work at it? Or shove said trolls face who pointed it out into a brick wall? Has he ever had reason to doubt himself? He is coming across as very cocky and sure about himself!

Quick How do you mean 'manipulate the social landscape to his favour?" Do you mean as a trend setter? Since trolls are not big on fashion (only some think outside the box and wear colours other then their blood) why would he care about setting trends? Especially since you have mentioned anything to this degree in his personality.

and if you don't mean it in that sense then what? God-modding is raising its ugly head again!! How does he change this social landscape? I want to know more before I say No to it ( XD ) That would be him having too much influence on the social aspect of troll community!! I dont mind a general "Ohh cool new fad is happening" and trolls be aware of it, but to effect the whole social world to his own favour??? Sorry but that is reserved for the rights of the GM's!!!

The other aspect, quick thinking, and being generally aware of social fads is fine! He can be quick on the uptake of a new hair style, or new way to sit down, but he can't create and demand what is to be accepted.

Stengths

Physically strong: Cannon trolls are not apart of this world so you should write his strengths from Pierro's own perspective. Not everyone will know who Equius is and we want people to understand strengths and flaws right away without having to look someone up!

Does he work out a lot? Doe he enjoy training as a hobby? To be both strong and fast in a battle will really work in his favour but to be calculating as well? I feel have too many advantages at this moment. Maybe give up the physical strength? He seems to suit the more 'quick thinking/calculating' fighter type, who wins with brain instead of brawn.

Unafraid Again this is an ability that needs more info. Being unafraid gives him an advantage that again is hitting on the whole 'Mary sue' scenario. He is almost too good to be true! I dont mind this being apart of his strengths but with everything else as well he is too powerful. Would he not be afraid of a Subjuggaltor? Or a red blood with fire abilities? He can be brave and courageous, thats fine, but to say he doesnt fear, or get scared or even worry when going agasint someone better and stronger than he is unrealistic. This is how this strength is coming across.

Flaws:

Headstrong: This flaw is fine but again more details! And flaws are something that could lose allies. Make it so only strong minded, or trolls who don't know any better can put up with his pig headedness! To say a flaw is ok to have because there are no repercussions are not worthy to be flaws. I dont mean everything you do thats bad means the end of the world for everyone but it doesnt seem to be much of a flaw as it stands.

Calculating: Ok this is the first mention of him wanted to 'obliterate' those around him. This in itself needs to be a flaw on its own and also needs one heck of an explanation to go along with it!! Does he just kill randomly, with purpose. Is it due to his blood colour or fragile mind? There is so much to write about! Trolls are indeed a abrasive and cruel society but we dont want everyone to be so 2 dimensional when it comes to these things. It would be good to know more about his need to 'obliterate' others and why.


Overall Summary

This troll needs a lot of work before it can be accepted into the troll world. You have good ground work but there are too many things that need more detail and god-modding play a part too much in his personality. I would request further crits as well because although I have written a lot it would be good to see other people's views on this troll to really help you make him into a great character!! Good luck!