Adamas Ezpata, Orangeblood [Critiques needed!]

[Rallaa]

Name: Adamas Ezpata
Adamas being adamant in Latin, Ezpata being sword in Basque
Blood colour: Orange, #E05705

Gender: Male

Symbol: (Work in progress)

Personality: Adamas likes to be organized and to know where things are and what's going on. He has a certain way to do everything and if it's not done his way, it's not done at all. He is often unsure of himself and will consult his trusted peers in order to reassure himself. The hemospectrum only means enough to Adamas to not get himself killed, other than that he sees everyone as less than or equal to himself. He sees the world as a ladder that can be scaled rather than a set of castes that everyone is stuck in. When he's not keeping everything in their rightful places, Adamas enjoys practicing swordplay and he fancies action flicks featuring sword fights. From fencing to gladiatorial battles to deadly duels of honor.

Strengths:
-Organized: By keeping everything in order he has little problem finding things and if he needs something he always knows where it is. It's something that his lusus taught him and something he will never forget.
-Cautious: Careful never to make the wrong decision, he always requires a second opinion and during battle, his guard is only down long enough to make his swift attacks.
Flaws:
-Stubborn: He doesn't change his habits easily and will put up a fight to keep things as they are.
-Dependent: Once he makes a decision, he's stubborn about going back on it, but he always has a hard time making the actual decision and often consults his peers for advice.


Weapon: Penkind/Swordkind, A functional ink pen that changes into a rapier sword.

Appearance: Slicked back hair, much like this. When it comes to clothing, he wears a black jacket over a white dress shirt with black pants and blacks shoes. His accessories include a wrist watch and a pair of circle frame, glasses.

Home: In the bustling city of New Hemisect.

Lusus: A penguin that demands everything be kept in order.

Power: None.  

[amicableAggressor]

sylladex aren't used in this world, and i'd reword the title of unsure/indecisive to reflect the fact that he relies heavily on other people to make up his mind for him.  

[Rallaa]

amicableAggressor

sylladex aren't used in this world, and i'd reword the title of unsure/indecisive to reflect the fact that he relies heavily on other people to make up his mind for him.

Do I have to take the sylladex part out?
I'd like to have it included.

And would "Dependant" be a better title?  

[amicableAggressor]

the sylladex system literally does not exist in this world, so that information is completely irrelevant and wouldn't be used in roleplay, so i can't see why you need to keep it up. if you want to however, by all means go nuts


and yeah dependant sounds good  

[Rallaa]

amicableAggressor

the sylladex system literally does not exist in this world, so that information is completely irrelevant and wouldn't be used in roleplay, so i can't see why you need to keep it up. if you want to however, by all means go nuts


and yeah dependant sounds good

No sylladex? gonk
I guess I missed that part in info?

Alright, changes made. Thanks. 3nodding  

[amicableAggressor]

what your troll can carry around with them is now limited to what they and their lusus can haul, as the sylladex system is a little ridiculous in terms of 'carrying 12 cars in your pocket'.

i actually haven't had anyone else bring up or mention the system so far in the shop, most people i figure assume it's been removed, so i haven't felt the need to write it out (unlike the removal of trollian), but now that you mention it, i'll add it to the front page of the store tomorrow  

[Wind Vestal]

Your version 1 looks good! You might need to expand some things though. All of your strengths and flaws can be expanded on! Give him more depth! I wish I could provide an example though, uhh....

Also, his wardrobe! Where did he get his accessories? Does he wear any casual clothes? Expand, expand, expand! :::)

His blood is a little bright, too, so you might want to tone it town to fit the hemospectrum!

TL;DR: His blood is a bit bright, but other than that he looks good. Expanding is what you need to do now! ::::)