First Two Paragraphs

[J Fawkes]

So, I know it's not much, but it's a start and I don't know where to go from it. Think anyone here can help me out?

Soft, electric humming emitted from the neon red and white sign just outside of a dirty window. Finger smudges and cigarette butts litter the edge of the windowsill, small patches of discoloration on some of the panes almost seemed to try and muffle the sight of the flashing letters, announcing the name of the bar just below the grungy floor; The Hall of Jackals. Thin streams of smoke danced around the tip of a middle-aged man’s nose, caressing his eyeball which in turn causes his eye to close out of discomfort. The lit cigarette dangling in between his index and middle finger seemed to taunt him, every sizzle or plume of smoke calling out to him for consumption, begging to be inhaled and let set in blackening lungs.
Hanging from the walls are some small, tattered pieces of old wallpaper, long having been painted over in dark red paint. A lone bed sat in the far corner of the room, occupied only by the man, an ashtray and half a dozen thin blankets. Aside from the bed, which was not only uncomfortable but also slightly too small, the only other objects sitting in the room were a round coffee table sitting in the center of the room (mostly covered in adult magazines and assorted strains of cannabis) and a much-too-old television/radio which was shakily attempting to play the song “Karma Police” by Radiohead.

It's not a project or anything, it's just for fun.  

[RzDz]

In never ending void he about to discover a new dimension inside of his mind . His dreams will become new reality where everything he feared and loved will take shape of ruthless, bloodthirsty demons . Yet inside his mind he alone dictates the outcome of a fight but his true opponent is himself . The only way to escape is too battle throw everything that he thought he left behind long time ago . burning_eyes  

[J Fawkes]

RzDz

In never ending void he about to discover a new dimension inside of his mind . His dreams will become new reality where everything he feared and loved will take shape of ruthless, bloodthirsty demons . Yet inside his mind he alone dictates the outcome of a fight but his true opponent is himself . The only way to escape is too battle throw everything that he thought he left behind long time ago . burning_eyes

You seem to have what I was going for down-pat razz Making that into a story without losing yourself in it is the hard part though. I've been looking into delusional schizophrenia and other mind-altering illnesses, but I can't seem to get the imagery quite right (and that's what most of my writing is about).  

[Pandiecakes]

I like what you have so far! Very descriptive. smile

I like that you almost paint a picture with words.  

[J Fawkes]

Pandiecakes

I like that you almost paint a picture with words.

My ex-fiancee told me the exact same thing. I try hard to make the image from my mind fall out onto the paper, which is why I'm failing on this. I'm starting a less in-depth novel as we speak (I've been working on small details for it for about two months now). I'm making it more Tolkien-like.